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Description

I needed to get this off my chest.
This year has been exhausting.

I've had a severe identity crisis after a life of being a people-pleaser and
doing everything to meet others' expectations and maintain their fantasies
or preconceived notions of who I was and who I should be
so as to not disappoint them.

Overprotective parents who told me who to be and how to live my life
even years and years after becoming a full-grown adult.

Partners who idealized and sexually objectified me.

A breakdown of general belief systems,
discovering my true sexual orientation and gender identity.

Gender dysphoria and dysmorphia as I've never felt them before.

Hurtful comments and mistreatment I allowed
from many people without protest just to keep the peace.

People holding me up to the highest standards and placing me on a pedestal,
not allowing me just to be human and make mistakes as I try,
like everyone else, to navigate life for the first time.

Not taking the time to process and heal before going after the next person or task.

Being too hard on myself.

Becoming so numb I doubted if I've ever felt anything at all.

Despite bottling up stuff I wasn't comfortable with to make others comfortable,
them criticizing every aspect of me and who I am.

Not being able to tell the truth about something
I was so ashamed to talk about.

Caring too much, but seeming like I didn't care enough.

Freedom not being what I thought it was.

Description

I needed to get this off my chest.
This year has been exhausting.

I've had a severe identity crisis after a life of being a people-pleaser and
doing everything to meet others' expectations and maintain their fantasies
or preconceived notions of who I was and who I should be
so as to not disappoint them.

Overprotective parents who told me who to be and how to live my life
even years and years after becoming a full-grown adult.

Partners who idealized and sexually objectified me.

A breakdown of general belief systems,
discovering my true sexual orientation and gender identity.

Gender dysphoria and dysmorphia as I've never felt them before.

Hurtful comments and mistreatment I allowed
from many people without protest just to keep the peace.

People holding me up to the highest standards and placing me on a pedestal,
not allowing me just to be human and make mistakes as I try,
like everyone else, to navigate life for the first time.

Not taking the time to process and heal before going after the next person or task.

Being too hard on myself.

Becoming so numb I doubted if I've ever felt anything at all.

Despite bottling up stuff I wasn't comfortable with to make others comfortable,
them criticizing every aspect of me and who I am.

Not being able to tell the truth about something
I was so ashamed to talk about.

Caring too much, but seeming like I didn't care enough.

Freedom not being what I thought it was.