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caffee — Innocence

Published: 2003-11-25 10:20:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 83; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description Innocence of the sweetest kind
Found within the sweest mind
Of a heart so pure, that has so long
Listen carefully, you'll hear her song

A melody sweet, unchanged and new
A tune of the heart that calls to you
From lips untouched and a voice that's calm
Of a world that sits, within small palms

Silence of small feet on solid ground
To feel her heart, without a sound
She calls to you, to listen still
Eyes closed as your heart she fills
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caffee - In Passing
Comments: 12

snow-munkiie63 [2003-12-17 00:48:46 +0000 UTC]

AWWWWWWWWWWWW

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chilipalmer [2003-11-25 17:52:43 +0000 UTC]

Awww just so sweet and lovely

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meggity [2003-11-25 14:06:53 +0000 UTC]

aw. This is really beautiful. Is the little girl your cousin?

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caffee In reply to meggity [2003-11-25 14:09:45 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, Jocelyn, I'm sure you've met her, she's gorgeous

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meggity In reply to caffee [2003-11-25 14:13:03 +0000 UTC]

yarr. ah have. Thoguh, given she was crying loudly about something last time I saw her. ^_^;;

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caffee In reply to meggity [2003-11-25 14:19:30 +0000 UTC]

aww she hardly cries anymore she's a darlin' just wait til my b'day!!!

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meggity In reply to caffee [2003-11-26 05:21:21 +0000 UTC]

^^ kk.

She'll be there? YAY! Oooh! We're having your cousin for dinner? NYOM NYOM!!

DDDDD Just kidding. I like kids. Really I do. As long as they're not mine and I don't have to look after them. ^_^;;

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caffee In reply to meggity [2003-11-26 08:22:50 +0000 UTC]

Yeah she'll probably be at my house afterwards. We'll see. Sure you like kids you're just saying that so you can have her for dinner aren't you?? AREN'T YOU??

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tyrus [2003-11-25 10:36:22 +0000 UTC]

This works well, the compact and simple rhythm and rhyme structure indicating a child. Although I do feel that the last two lines force the rhyme a bit.

The second stanza is great. It sums up natural beauty, untainted and yet incredibly complex. Strange how that comes across, given the relative simplicity of the language. Good work!

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caffee In reply to tyrus [2003-11-25 10:38:56 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou, I always love to hear other peoples constructive criticism on my work.

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kodoku-tamashii [2003-11-25 10:24:45 +0000 UTC]

OMFG this is one of the best poems i've ever read. your rhyming is perfet and i have a picture of the little girl in my head. i'm at a loss for words from the beauty of this poem ^_^

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caffee In reply to kodoku-tamashii [2003-11-25 10:27:36 +0000 UTC]

Thanks hunny. She is beautiful with the biggest heart ever. I'm glad you liked it

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