Description
WARNING FOR HARSH THEMES: Death, Pain, Starvation
Spring was emerging, but Winter had hit hard. With little experience in how winters were, I didn't know how harsh and cruel they were. I felt pain in my joints and claws on my stomach. I feel like I am 100 years old, but still feel this stubborn will to go on. I had given any food that I could scavenge to my child, Lumibug. Lumi wasn't doing well. She cried daily from the pains in her stomach and had sores on her thin skin. Lumi was suffering, and it tore me apart. I cried with her, this childhood was nothing like it was back in the Nook. The warm Nook.
I remembered the time in the Nook when I hung out with all of my friends. Sitting in the corner, with them around me. We aspired to be great magic users when we grew up. But I haven't seen Mari in so long. I haven't seen Tabbris since the party. I remembered how I used to frolic with Nyx and Cerulean in the woods, I was so peaceful back then, heh. I used to not worry about my meals. So what if I went a day without hunting, I’ll eat tomorrow! Sure. I hate killing, but anything edible is needed. If only I wasn't such an idiot with sap way back then, maybe I wouldn't have to live this living hell. I feel like there are spines in my skin from the biting air. The cold gnaws on my fragile bones, tearing away what muscle and body I have and devouring me. I can't live this way, but I have nowhere to go. I can't go back to sap, any money I have needs to go to food. And any food goes to Lumi. Lumi doesn't deserve this life I’m making her live. Why am I doing this to her? Why.
Maybe… no, I can't leave Lumi, she is my only friend out here in this hellhole. I can't let the others see how far I've gone. But there is a chance for Lumi to endure. Lumi is all that matters. Can I do this? Can I really leave her behind, only to throw myself back into the depths of this wretched forest? I'm not ready to be alone again. Please. Please.
Oh no she’s crying again. Oh no. She’s hurting. She’s hurting. She can hardly move these days. I don't blame her. How do the others do it? How am I supposed to survive? I'm pretty sure I'm going to die, but I can't let Lumibug die. I can't let her live knowing what a terrible world it is. I need to bring her to the Nook. Lumi, my child, it'll be ok. I’ll visit you someday. Probably. If I manage to live another day.
I'm ok with dying, but I'm not ok with Lumibug dying. I cant let my selfish fear of isolation sacrifice my only child. I have to be strong. I remember where the Nook is after all this time. There it is, on the rise. It can't hurt to wait a little bit, right? I just… need a moment. I want to lay with my child a bit more. I can't leave her behind yet, I'm not ready to die. I’m not ready.
But I have to be ready.
I don't have a choice.
Lumibug’s future won't wait for me to be ready.
I have to move on, I can't stay in the past.
Oh no, I'm crying. Let's get this over with.
I think I see a wyngling in the distance. Oh, it's one of the special eyes ones. They see me crying. What am I doing they ask? I don't know what to say. But I have to say something. I set Lumi down next to the small Wyngling.
“H… Her name is Lumibug.”
“...?”
“Please take care of her”
“I promise I will. Where are you going?”
“I… I don't know.”
“Wait, let me get Alma, please.”
“NO! NO, NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!”
Shoot, I scared them. They are apologizing and withdrawing away They seem really unsettled. Lumi is clinging to my leg. This is chaos. This is disastrous. I need to leave.
“I’m so sorry I didn't mean to yell I need to go now I'm sorry.”
That is when I heard familiar thumping footfalls. Oh no. I turned around and ran as fast as I could into the forest. I heard mom shouting my name behind me. She can't see me like this. I can't be near her. She will hurt me. I'm being pursued. I have to go. Pretend to smile, make everyone think I'm ok, they can't see me hurt, I have to run. I saw feathers go flying as I ran.
W h a t h a v e I d o n e.
It's dark now, the moon in the sky. I couldn't tell much, but I knew I was weak, and my elbows had sharp points on them. My very first growth was my arm wings, my only reminder of my childhood. Gone. My last kinship to days that were friendly and serene. I remember that newborn wyngling that nibbled on My wings. I remember showing them off with great pride. But they are gone now. Now I have spikes. Daggers. I grabbed one of my largest feathers. There was some tough vine on the ground, and I tied it around the feather. I put it over my head. I can't let go all the way yet. I can't leave this all behind. Not yet.
+ Accessory: (Story above)
+ Elbow spike:
- Feather arm wings:
4/288
*Ugly sobbing*