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ayelid — Crow Page One
Published: 2011-08-14 20:00:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 886; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 15
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Page one of a Crow story I am inking, written by , with page layouts by . Comments and critiques are welcome! Be harsh, if neccessary, I can take it
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Comments: 24
That is great if it has that old technique look to it. I was thinking old Hammer films a lot while working on it. The Universal stuff, too, but for some reason the Hammer films more even though they were in color.
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I'm going to be as harsh as I can be.
Panel One is difficult to decipher whats going on. At first I thought the crow was hanging from the tree because both its wings are turned downward. If you tilted the crow and extended the wings it would make it look like its in flight.
Panel Two looks good. It would be better if the crow was completely in the panel instead of having part of the wing missing. I assume you might need to leave room for a caption (or dialogue if the crow speaks
Panel Three looks nice. The tree limbs in the background look great and the position of the crow is effective.
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Thank you so much for your helpful comments. Yes, I agree the first panel can be a little difficult to decipher because of the way I inked the rain. I will take the suggestion on posing the crow differently into consideration in the future. Thank you for the comment on the graveyeard! I am glad it was effectively inked, because I wasn't quite sure if I used the right approach on it.
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Featured this here [link] .
I love the way you have inked these pages. Truly brings that all important sense of menace.
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Thank you! I appreciate that. And thank you for the comments. I had hoped the pages had that old black and white horror feel. I'm glad I was able to help convey the right mood for the story content.
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I'd get one, I have the original crow comics and this would be a nice addition
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Thanks Deb. Do you think it would look ok in color, or would it take too much from the gothic horror feel?
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I think if it were to have colour, it would need to be sparing 
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I'd love to see your take on it if you ever would like to. I think some fall colors like orange and brown could work, if subtle.
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I wouldn't mind having a go, I can certainly try it out
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Cool, I'd like to see your take on it if you get around to it
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I'd love to give it a go! Thanks very much!
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Overall I certainly enjoyed the page which pays homage to so many horror stories and movies. Plenty of evidence of good technique and the choice of ragged panel borders only adds to the air of unease.
Now the specifics
Panel 1: Interesting angle choice that works well to set the general scene, however the shape of the bird is somewhat hard to discern - perhaps a more iconic spread wing silhouette would work better. Additionally it was hard to tell that those are rain drops. At first glance I thought someone was shooting darts until I noticed the gravestones - having smaller drops towards the top of the panel and having them bigger towards the bottom would help introduce depth in keeping with the sharp upward angle I think.
Panel 2: Not much wrong here, except again the rain is hard to pick out. Given the black motif, perhaps overdrawing in white on the raindrops would make them stand out.
Panel 3: Nice close up, although given the amount of water running off the bird and tombstone I would expect there to be more rain in the air - light vertical stripping in the background to go along with your more defined foreground drops might help here. Also as we are looking upwards again, was the choice to not include clouds deliberate?
Other than the rain issues mentioned above, the page as a whole works to pull the reader into the scene.
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Thank you for the well thought out commentary. I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. The jagged edges of the panel borders was the penciller's idea, and I think it was a good one, too.
You could be right about a more stereotypically spread wing silhouette. It might be a stronger way to start. I do like the artist's original choice of pose, though, and thought that it added to the dirge like, gothic tone of the page overall. I agree about the rain being hard to determine. That is something I agree and will work with, varying the perspective of the drops.
That is, again, a great suggestion referring to the rain in the third panel. Variations in depth would add to the image, I agree. About the clouds, the way I was seeing it was, it might have just struck lightning in that particular scene, lighting the sky a bit but not so bright at the particular moment that the viewer is seeing it that it causes everything to look really illuminated.
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