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AnotherPassenger — sutures
Published: 2012-11-14 03:21:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 575; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 1
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Description
glass shards shattered along her shaking diaphragm,slicing their way through her
jetstream veins & topography of muscles.
she said her skin itched pins & needles;
her sharp nails couldn’t relieve the discomfort.
she and the mirror took turns
staring at each other
through the haze of lonely showers and
(heart)aching joints
until they discovered
who was underneath her skin.
one night you found her
lying
on the floor
as she ripped herself apart.
you took her hand in yours and said,
“you can’t do it.
you can’t rip (dead)fathers &
(ex)bestfriends & (past)lovers
from who you are.
you can’t.”
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Comments: 17
Oh, this is gut-punching and lovely, especially that final stanza.
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thank you so much.
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You're welcome.
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It's really good advice, you should take it 
No problem, its' always going to be subjective
You're very welcome
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Very true - hope she's feeling a little better now - if not and you want help or advice, just ask 
Back to the poem, I would be tempted to suggest a few changes: "under her skin" to underneath her skin - it flows better, to me at least, and I don't think the sense is lost. Also maybe change "you can't rip...(past) lovers" to:
you can’t rip (dead)fathers,
(ex)bestfriends and (past)lovers or (ex)bestfriends, (past)lovers
Likewise jetstream veins, topography of muscles.
Sorry, I don't really like the "&s" and maybe it flows better this way...
Up to you of course, if any of these make sense to you - otherwise, this is an amazing poem, the visual and emotional imagery so raw, it hits you right between the eyes, and in the heart, too - it feels so very genuine and sincere. And I love the advice at the end, full of empathy, love, wisdom, truth, transmitted from a mother to a daughter maybe?
Thank you so much for writing this!
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Advice to myself, really. I'm still struggling with the thoughts of people I've lost, but I'm getting there.
All of my &s are a stylistic thing. I just like them, idk.
And thank you so much. I love when I get REAL comments.
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psht, thank you for writing it!
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