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AK-Is-Harmless — Religion for a New Age
#baptism #baptismalfont #piratehat #religioushumor #benandwinslow #religioushumour #kurtthecynic
Published: 2011-05-10 10:29:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 4351; Favourites: 76; Downloads: 50
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Description
This is a religion for the lazy and the isolationist. In a world full of bad people doing bad things (and also irritating people doing irritating things, and teenagers, and elderly drivers, and people with funny accents, and people with accents that aren’t funny enough), the only solution is to lock yourself away somewhere and ignore everything. Kurt the Cynic understands this. He’s a prophet of… not the end times, but certainly the times that are too bewildering to bother contemplating.Join the Church of Big Peanuts. Have some soda, and some pie, and maybe a lemon with a peppermint stick in it (they’re friggin’ awesome). Become one of the Cacahuatians. It will change your life.
Ahem.
Now, I know some of you are wondering, “What did Winslow do with the baptismal font?” If you guessed that he peed in it, you would be dead wrong. Come on. Winslow’s more creative than that.
Actually, Winslow stole a baptismal font and entered it into a local soapbox derby. The font–which was modified with a set of wheels from a lawn mower and a crude steering mechanism–was called “Magnici-font: The Holy Roller,” and Winslow entered under the name “Holy Driver.” He dressed like John the Baptist. That would have been bad enough, but Winslow actually won the competition, winning the grand prize of appearing in a commercial for the derby sponsors… who happened to be a liquor store and a local strip club. Winslow appeared in full costume.
Reblog on Tumblr here: ak-is-harmless.tumblr.com/post…
This first appeared on Defenestration www.defenestrationmag.net on Friday, May 6th.
Become a fan of Ben & Winslow on Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Ben-Win…
---AK
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Comments: 53
I don't think this church baptizes people. Unless it's in movie theater butter.
---AK
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I was gonna say Winslow went number three in the baptismal font, but enter it in soapbox derby??
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I figured that Winslow would try to bring the dead back to life using lamb's blood in the baptismal font. However your way is wayyyyyyy awesomer
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My registration form is already filled out. ^^
I'm exchanging prayers for potato chips. good deal.
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Oh god, the incident in question just makes the punchline amazing for this comic.
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Wow that is awesome, the description you put most of the time add so much that you can put into the comic it is awesome! And I put it as mad because I want people to click and think “who could be mad” or “It’s another religious bigot” but it’s really only for Shock value and so they will read my comment lol
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Sometimes I just feel like writing a lot of weird crap.
---AK
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I love it when that happens...
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The description made me laugh just as much as the comic did XD
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Where do I sign in to join? That and Winslow never ceases to surprise me XD I love him hahaha
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I still watch my old MST3K tapes on my old VHS player, I'm in.
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Hell, with those kinds of credentials, you could be a pastor.
---AK
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Does that means I could marry peolpe? I would marry random people on the streets, even if they don't know each other.
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That sounds like a plan.
---AK
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The sign up sheets are posted in fast food restaurants worldwide.
---AK
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I really want to see a comic of the description now
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The lack of a comic adds to the mystique.
---AK
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I do too! 
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You would have had to. It was invite only.
---AK
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I wasn't sold on the idea of this new religion until I saw Kurt's preist-pirate hat. Count me in.
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It is the single greatest religious hat ever.
Also, it's the second time that hat's appeared in one of these comics!
---AK
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"Cacahuatians" XD Bahaha. The story just makes the comic better.
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Excommunications! Get your excommunications right here, folks! XD
Oh, that crazy Winslow! That boy just don't know how to stay out of
trouble. What -will- he think up next?
(btw, I utterly approve of his use for the baptismal font. Much better
use for it. And certainly more creative and productive. 
The story alone is win, AK. Great job!
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Hahahaha..... Being a church going guy myself, I found this hilarious.
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Face it, it's a complete lack of spirituality.
---AK
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Nooooo, don't tell me such destructuring things!
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While I'm not a religious person, this sounds like my kind of church.
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Probably why it's your kind of church.
---AK
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... You may be onto something there.
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