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A-w0man — I Don't Understand
Published: 2011-05-01 13:08:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 1711; Favourites: 39; Downloads: 9
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Description
I understand it's not the fameFortune is just a game
There's more to life than a name
Or owning a private plane
The first step is easy
Crossing out what isn't needed
But it's much harder, believe me,
Seeking one's personal Eden
So I gave religion a go,
Thought maybe it could save my soul,
But I couldn't grasp the idea
Of a God punishing what I sow
This life remains a mystery
My vision still unclear
Maybe I'm bound to repeat
our history, year after year...
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Comments: 26
I love this poem. It's a great expression of searching for meaning/yourself. And the third stanza is just amazing.
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Ah truly, but then what would poetry be if not a search for truth. That is however, a different topic. Your first stanza is some pure brilliance. I am not a big fan of the 4-time rhyme because it often results in cheap rhymes, ie cat, sat, hat, pat. Do they rhyme...? Yes. Are they awesome....? No. You however avoided that problem here and in a bit of your previous work.
Second point, wicked slant rhyme "needed-Eden." That's the kind of envelope pushing that will let you expand how you touch language to make it sing for you rather than trying to meat-grind poetry like we all do in the beginning. The part I struggle with in that stanza is that it is almost too cryptic, you know? The first two lines make sense. But it's better not to have to explain poetry to your audience. I am guilty of this as anyone, but it is something to struggle against unless you are desirous to make a poem that no one will understand simply for the satisfaction of that.
Third stanza I'll leave alone.
Fourth stanza, good conclusion. One of the things I struggled with in my early poetry was the conclusion. I could never figure out if I should summarize my ideas like an essay or just find an emotion to end on or what. My head did sorely hurt often in those days. However, you have found the key to it I think. It's not so much in the idea or in the symmetry, but rather in that element we cannot name. The "stuff" that makes a conclusion great, you have it.
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These words are going to keep me happy for at LEAST A MONTH 
YOU ROCK AT JUDGING POETRY !!
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Such a beautiful collage! does adding a preview image make your stories so amazing?
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i cant deny that including a photo definitely adds to the impact of the writing !
be sure to check out the Collage-artist's awesome gallery!
[link]
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Life is meant for you to pave your own path, and know people will follow in your footsteps.
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thats a good piece of advice
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Yes, I like it, it sounds cool XD
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""So I gave religion a go,
Thought maybe it could save my soul,
But I couldn't grasp the idea
Of a God punishing what I sow""
love the verse
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I thought you wrote this poem yourself....till I read the Artist comments..-.-
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i Did write it myself.....i only added the song lyrics as an 'artist comment' (something that would relate with the theme of my poem?)0.o
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Ohhh.....I LOVE THE POEM! Seriously....I love the topic...
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aww weallyy :3 thanks so much!! xD ♥
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Ur.welcome...
Ugh...plz tell me how u made that heart...
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ehehe it isn't too complicated
press Alt and 3 ;D
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Nah..I got the whole thing...and btw it doesn't work...
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its kinda tricky cause u arent supposed to press the buttons at the same time
press alt, let go and immediately press 3 afterwards!
you must have *ninja-hand-co-ordination* xD
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hahhahaha....Aww...NEVERMIND...this freaking hard....I guess :<3: is okay...
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