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| icharbezol
icharbezol
♂️
[2626973]
[2006-05-16 13:41:01 +0000 UTC]
"Rumpfed Runyon"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 93; Deviations: 315; Watchers: 35
Watching: 47; Pageviews: 14201; Comments Made: 1853; Friends: 47
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: Adam BlackFavorite movies: Blade Runner
Favorite TV shows: Dexter, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad
Favorite bands / musical artists: Killing Joke
Favorite books: Santiago, Last Stand of the DNA Cowboys, Game of Thrones
Favorite writers: Myself, Allan Moore, Mike Resnick (Santiago, baby), Christina M. Sutt (ladyofx), Maddox
Favorite games: Crash Bandicoot
Favorite gaming platform: Nintendo 3DS, shared with my 10 yr old
Tools of the Trade: MacBook
Other Interests: RPGs, writing
# About me
I'm just a guy who writes a buncha crap.Current Residence: Somewhere in the CAS
Favourite genre of music: Nasty in your mind
Favourite photographer: Anybody who can take a picture without moving or putting their damned thumb in front of the lens
Favourite style of art: Mike Hauser, of www.loservillex.com/
Operating System: OS X 10.7.x
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Shell of choice: Sea Turtle, with ropes lashed about from the hair of my back
Wallpaper of choice: The catgirl I've got in my Favorites
Skin of choice: Hers
Favourite cartoon character: Pepe Le Pew
Personal Quote: What Is?
# Comments
Comments: 150
That means "lots liking going on" btw...
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Here's to exorcising demons, depersonalization, cats in boy shorts and Dr. Manhattan.
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Depersonalization? Exorcising demons? Those I could do without, but you missed a few key words in the middle there. Cat girls in boyshorts and go-go boots, dear. And I'd take a pair of them every day for the rest of my life if the doctor ordered. Wherever they desired to be taken
Oh, and Dr. Manhattan? He's the bomb...
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Regardless of the prioritization and a few missed words (rolling my eyes), it's always good (that's an understatement) to talk to you, Ed.
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Well, the problem here being the missed words 
It's always good to talk to you too
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Somebody took my Rt 44 Sonic Diet Dr. Pepper and left me with their regular fully loaded Dr. Pepper. Ugh. 
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Your last cig for a while anyway. And I thought the diet was mine?
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Since when do you drink Diet Dr. Pepper? And if you hadn't noticed, that's all I drink (diet shit, that is). I added you on google +, because, you know, we aren't in contact enough.
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Gotcha
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Why, you.... (shaking fists at you). I forgot or I would've ordered a Diet for you, too. Goofball. 
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Sorry I couldn't read this any earlier today, but...
Best.fucking.thing.you've.ever.written. Stay busy, stay disconnected from the mindfucker, focus on you, focus on your boys, focus on whatever the fuck it is in your life that doesn't include her and will put you as far away from her as is humanly possible. And you take pride, great mother fucking, vengeful, spiteful, BADASS pride the day you realize you've made it through the day without thinking about her once. And it will come. Listen to all the broody songs you want, but you match every single one of those fuckers with a "Fuck You" song. Let yourself get pissed, let yourself get even sad, but you never forget how you were used and made to feel. Use it as fuel for every day you wake up and realize you're one day farther away from that hell. Jaded? Maybe. But it's short term and that anger will get you to your first hurdle, then the next, then the next. Use that anger to better yourself, shape yourself, harden yourself in the places that need hardening and soften you in places you need softening. The hours will turn in to days, days into months, months into a full year. A year's perspective is priceless.
You've got 'em strapped on. Keep 'em on.
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I don't think I can be angry at her. I hope she finds someone that makes her happy, that she can fall in love with. I just don't want to be the guy left out when she does, and given the way I feel about her, and whether those emotions are returned or not I do love her, I realized with each passing day that it was just going to hurt me worse when it did happen. Because I was in reality a stepping stone.
I let things get cloudy for a while with hope. I thought about how great it was and how much greater it could be if there was something that was real between she and I, something that went further than what it really was. Was I wrong to hope? No. I was wrong to let that hope carry me for so far, for so long though. She would have let me follow her around the whole time up until the point she found that someone, I'm sure. I was her entertainment, and sadly I loved being that. But I never got it through my head completely that that's all I was or ever would be.
Truth hurts.
And time marches on. I'd probably be better off not wasting any more of it.
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There will be days for sadness, anger, despair, mourning, all of it. You think you won't be angry, but it'll creep up on you at the most surprising time. You can't move on without getting angry. Not truly. If you can, you're a better human being than I am. The overwhelming sadness is all there is for a while, but it will make way for other emotions eventually. The only emotion you won't go through is indifference. Because that will mean you never cared. And that's not true in this case. I'm here. Love you.
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I hope I can. I miss her like hell and it's only been what two days. And a huge chunk of me keeps wanting to see or hear from her. Thinking maybe she will suddenly have some epiphany and realize that she does love me after all. Fucking stupid. Hollywood ends like that, but it's never gonna happen in the real world.
Nope, doesn't make me feel angry at all. Just makes me lose even more faith in ever finding someone that I love who can be bothered to stay.
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You're watching Wes Craven movies tonight, Ed. On purpose. There's some pent up SOMETHING there. Lol. This shit morphs. As soon as you're comfortable in your misery, the bastard will change things up. The scenery there isn't any prettier, but at least it's a change. And then it'll go back to the familiar. The familiar still sucks, but at least you've been there before. My primary scenery is anger and betterment of myself for spite. Every pound I lose is a great big "FUCK YOU". Yours will be different. You'll find your therapy. Mine's the gym. I'd like to tell you that breaking whatever it was off was the hard part, but that's a lie. Recovery (if true recovery exists) is the hardest. And, no. Hollywood doesn't work in the real world. And fuck Hollywood for planting those cancerous little thoughts in our minds. I'll be there in a few months. We got some drinking to do. Hang in there.
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"It's Central time here". Check your texts, smart ass.
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We are completely out of sync lately, my friend. Lol. Thank God for text messaging. It's not ready quite yet, I think I may go back to the "true" portion and start from scratch right after that. Or I'm thinking of writing it like it could've/should've/would've happened, you know, minus the crazy as fuck aspect of the "hero".
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I put Love & Fallacies in storage, for fear of an unwelcome stalker. 
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Stalker, eh?
I like those...
If it's a chick send her my way.
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You would say that. Lol.
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not much really dude. School, kids, and too many things crowding my head. In other words, same old, lol. What you up to?
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You probably want to reset your password dude.
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I don't remember sending any message of this calibre to anyone whom i know here,
thank you for alerting me Mr Icharbezol, neccessary action has been taken, and order has been restored
Resuming normal service........now 
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Wrote something in response to this silly test thing.
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Sorry, working on something for D&D right now, crafting a world lol...I'm not usually the type of gamer geek that goes around showing off my world though lol
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I totally forgot about you, Ed. Sorry man.
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lol, that's ok m'friend. Had been on a bit of a hermitage for a while, trying to come out again a bit more.
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LOl.. journal.. anyways..
Tom Morello, guitarist from Audioslave, go look up the "Revelations" video on youtube. You'll see his red gibson all burnt
SACRILEGE TO THE EXTREME
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He's good, but there's better out there... and it is still SACRILEGE TO THE EXTREME
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