SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-09 23:04:23 +0000 UTC]

Betcha didn't expect that.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-10 08:29:33 +0000 UTC]

Well... no... not really.

But that raises the question... why?

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-10 11:07:14 +0000 UTC]

Mm, just passing through memory lane.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-10 13:24:18 +0000 UTC]

That's a dangerous and ill-advised journey to take.

But I hope you enjoyed your journey I suppose.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-10 15:33:08 +0000 UTC]

Maybe in your eyes. 
Anyway, I hope you're well. x

Never mind.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-10 17:44:35 +0000 UTC]

I've been better, but losing a partner generally does that to a person.

What memories do you have that make the journey worthwhile then, my dear.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-10 20:00:13 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you don't feel down for too long.
I have many. The bad ones have left and all I have is good, very good.
I once told you that if you stop loving someone, you never really loved them to begin with. I stand by my word. I'll always have love for you. You'll always be a part of who I am, and sometimes I just need to know you are alright.

I'm sorry if my appearance is an unwanted one

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-10 21:12:42 +0000 UTC]

I find it hard to believe you can love an individual that you broke contact with so easily. But your logic is sound.

I am well and breathing, I had a girlfriend for almost three years but she decided affairs were fun.

I was promoted at work, and I live a very normal if not slightly lonely life.

Your love was something I came to miss for the longest time, if I am honest with you, I am not sure how I feel with you visiting me again, largely happy. But I've grown cautious of happiness over the years.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-10 22:11:15 +0000 UTC]

You may not believe me, and you have every right to be wary. I completely understand, but cutting contact with you was not done easily. It was hard for me to do but I felt that it was the right thing to do. Both for you and myself. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I could have dealt with everything differently, but I didn't, and for that I am sorry. That might not mean very much to you now, but I am. 

Do you think I would still be lurking around if I didn't still hold love for you? Although any distrust you may have, I understand.

I'm sorry that she done that to you.

I am so proud of what you have achieved, Drew. I really am.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-10 22:35:38 +0000 UTC]

I had a lot of love for you. In fact probably a lot more love for you than I probably should have felt. Yet at the time I needed you the most you seemed the least interested in me.

That was a fact I had just come to accept. You weren't the first to do it. And neither are you the last.

You can say you hold love for me. But why. Do you even know who I am anymore...

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-10 22:56:50 +0000 UTC]

All I can say is I'm sorry.

No, I don't know who you are anymore, just as you don't know me. I believe that you've grown, and that you have achieved things you probably thought you never would, but that is all. All I have is my memories of who you were four years ago, and since that is all I know, that is who you are, to me at least.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 08:35:26 +0000 UTC]

All I see is paradox. I mean if you only know the boy of four years ago, and that is who I am to you, then why come back, why check on me.
The boy of many years ago was the same boy you walked away from, and you keep saying it was for the best, but I see no way in which that was true, for me anyway.

You are right, I don't know you, but your actions then had me questioning if I ever knew you, if any of it was real, or just a side effect of the cruel tricks that were played on me by others at that point.

I am not trying to be difficult, I am largely happy to see you. But I have so much doubt accompanying this it'd be wrong not to speak my mind

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 10:19:19 +0000 UTC]

I completely understand your doubt but I'm not playing any tricks.
I wasn't in the best place mentally, and I've put myself through things to change that. I like to think that I've changed since then, and that if I was in the same situation again I would deal with it differently. 

There was so much going on back then, so much back stabbing, rumors, scoring points etc and I didn't know how to deal with it. I made a mistake. I made many mistakes. I know I can't undo them and I know I can't take away any pain that was caused.

I just..miss you.
I miss us.
I want to know you again.
I want to try and put things right.
I would like you to try and understand where I was coming from, even just a little.

If you want me to go, I'll go.
If there is too much doubt and distrust in your heart then I'll go.
If too much has happened, if too much was said, I understand.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 11:03:58 +0000 UTC]

You're right I can't see where you were coming from, because I don't see how I could've. We did not talk. Towards the end I was lucky to hear from you at all, then you just upped and vanished. And I was meant to be the one left behind, to pick up my own pieces. And you know I did. I really did.

I have terrific friends, they've supported me through everything including the recent events. They've helped me grow, they're admirable and intelligent individuals who I am grateful for every day. But there's not a moment where I don't doubt myself because I spent so much time going "What was so wrong about me that she would just walk away". Because that's what you did, you walked away.

That being said, I am a big advocate of believing people can change, and giving others the chance to prove that.

I wronged an individual who forgave me and believed I could change, she's now my brightest star and I have always swore to do right by her, and be the adult I am, not the boy I used to be.

So if you want to get to know me, if you want to try and rebuild that friendship, then we can.

Just know that things take time, and that even though I loved everything about us, and what we had, there's probably not much chance of it ever being that good again.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 12:15:42 +0000 UTC]

I think we both done things wrong, and I think that things got quite toxic.
I just had to get out.
I know it was selfish of me.
I wasn't strong enough, mature enough, intelligent enough, basically good enough to deal with it any better than I did.
I messed up.

I'm so, so glad that you have such a wonderful circle of friends.

I'm hurting and I don't blame you if you don't believe me, and I don't blame you if you don't forgive me. I don't deserve it, I know that, and I can't say sorry enough.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 12:19:30 +0000 UTC]

I had a right to be toxic, I was deceived by an individual on a scale that broke my heart and made me utterly incapable of trusting everyone around me, and then you stood by them to support them. You didn't support me, you supported them.
That's all it comes down to.

I have just said, if you want to try again, if you want to get to know me, we can. If it means that much to you, make an effort. Don't walk away from me without a word again. 

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 12:39:08 +0000 UTC]

That isn't all it came down to. I didn't support them, not in the end. In the end I found out the truth for you, Drew. Or have you forgotten? You told me to die, you told me you manipulated me. You gave me ultimatums. What else was I to think?

I don't want to argue but you done things too. I wasn't all me.

And I am so grateful that you're willing to give me a second chance.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 13:01:27 +0000 UTC]

I never told anyone to die. I have told a great many people a great many things, but so long as I have lived I have NEVER wished death on another individual, yes I remember giving you ultimatums, ultimatums involving us, involving you supporting that individual. Personally I think they're completely rational ultimatums to make "That person has lied to and deceived me for best part of two years, you can't have both of us in your life". How dare you insinuate that I have wish death on ANYONE. I have a very clear memory of every bad and terrible thing I have ever done, and yes that list is long. Never have I wished death on someone.

Furthermore, if these things are 'so clear' in your head. That hardly seems like an individual you would want to return to. So which is it. Am I someone you loved who you want to return to, or am I an individual that /supposedly/ wished death on you. Because I can't be both.

It's not about giving chances. It's about doing as has been done to me. If my friend had not looked on me with kindness at my darkest days, I would not be here. the least I can do is treat others the same way.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 13:06:59 +0000 UTC]

" I don't give a damn about you, or your attention seeking life. So hurry up and stop living. Or at least get out of my life forever.

You disgusting waste of space. "

That is what you sent me. I have it in my dA notes. Maybe it's somewhere in yours as well?


I understand things more clearly now, and why you gave me choices, at the time I didn't. That's my fault. I except that.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 13:33:19 +0000 UTC]

I don't have the note no. But I can take your word for it. Still whatever fault we had, I was still upfront. I told you to your face when I hated you and made my anger clear.
Being honest with me hasn't really been your forté.

BUT dwelling on the past gets us nowhere. It's happened.

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 13:49:20 +0000 UTC]

I'll admit that sometimes I wasn't honest about how I felt but I had trouble talking about certain things, which I like to think I have improved on. I've never hated you, but I have disliked you. I've never done things to you with malicious intent. I've made poor decisions, I've handled things badly, but I've never made it my goal to hurt you, not once.

I'm being honest with you now. I'm not holding anything back. I'm not planning anything. I took a chance on approaching you and hoped you'd react kindly, and that maybe you'd want what I want.

I'd like to talk to you properly one day, if that isn't too uncomfortable for you. My Skype is still the same as it's always been.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 13:51:35 +0000 UTC]

I don't remember your Skype so you will have to add mine. It's on my page.

We both made mistakes now let's leave that there

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SutekiMalik In reply to Lovenji [2015-03-11 13:59:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.
I've sent you an invite.

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Lovenji In reply to SutekiMalik [2015-03-11 14:10:02 +0000 UTC]

Accepted

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SutekiMalik In reply to Helen--127 [2011-09-16 12:35:58 +0000 UTC]

Oh no no, thank you for making that "Grab my 'tashe!" I love it

xD It does sound right.

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Helen--127 In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-09-16 14:36:34 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha not a problem There's plenty more where that came from at the Stendantoons Tumblr lol xo

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SutekiMalik In reply to Helen--127 [2011-09-22 17:57:18 +0000 UTC]

I shall be sure to follow the Stendantoons tumblr

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-09-12 18:07:39 +0000 UTC]

You are most welcome. x

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-09-07 08:34:52 +0000 UTC]

=O I exist.
[link]

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Nikochii In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-09-07 18:06:24 +0000 UTC]

Facebook lies D:

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SutekiMalik In reply to Digital-Fragments [2011-08-31 15:34:55 +0000 UTC]

Likewise <3
I haven`t seen you on dA for ages.

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Digital-Fragments In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-08-31 20:58:30 +0000 UTC]

Well, I thought I should give people something new to look at, you know?
How're you doing anyway? <3

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SutekiMalik In reply to Digital-Fragments [2011-09-03 17:22:49 +0000 UTC]

I`m pretty good, thank you.
How about your lovely self?

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-08-31 15:35:16 +0000 UTC]

<3

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Nikochii In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-08-31 16:52:56 +0000 UTC]

:3

miss you love

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-08-31 17:12:46 +0000 UTC]

You should get tumblr *nods*
Or facebook again.
Then I can stalk talk to you again.

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Nikochii In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-08-31 18:25:10 +0000 UTC]

I don`t understand tumblr one bit @.@
It confuses me but I will make a facey? :3

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-08-31 18:27:40 +0000 UTC]

Ahah xD Neither did I when I first joined but now I`m on it all the time. It`s great.

Really? Aw, yay!

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Nikochii In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-08-31 18:44:01 +0000 UTC]

All I ever see is pictures @//@

- does not understand -

Hee :3
I`ll go find chu when I makes one <3

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SutekiMalik In reply to Nikochii [2011-08-31 18:52:19 +0000 UTC]

That`s because that`s all it is x]
If you`re in a fandom it`s a great way to meet people with the same interests.
It has many lulz.

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Nikochii In reply to SutekiMalik [2011-08-31 19:17:06 +0000 UTC]

Oh owo
I`ll have to have a look

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SutekiMalik In reply to Toby512 [2011-08-31 15:35:07 +0000 UTC]

You`re welcome

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