Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-26 23:20:34 +0000 UTC]

Hello. What, may I ask, brings a sweet youth, such as of yourself, to come calling to a ruffian, such as myself, on this fine day?

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-26 23:45:28 +0000 UTC]

Just trying to find new friends is all ^^.

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-26 23:56:35 +0000 UTC]

Ah, well it is a pleasure to meet you. Though I do not understand why such a sweet thing is rolling in the filth that I call home...or is it that you wish to be part of such filth?

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-26 23:57:47 +0000 UTC]

May I ask, what are talking about?

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-27 01:00:19 +0000 UTC]

sorry, I tend to become rather 'regal' when I am here. I write some rather naughty and disturbing stuff. but I am glad to speak with you. I am not on here as much as I should. I am trying to write again, but I have not found my inspiration for writing. I am mostly on Facebook wasting my time playing games. Soon, as in the next 5 days, am moving from my apartment into a condo. So I am hoping the excitement of the move inspires me to write again.

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-27 01:09:36 +0000 UTC]

To be honest, if you saw my stories I write, we could be okay xD. I mean, Roleplaying :3. I do smut asp for stuff ^^. It's good to see that other people aren't homeless like I am. Makes me smile.

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-27 01:50:54 +0000 UTC]

I was once. I lived as I could. a 'friend' my car for insurance fraud, it had all of my belongings in it as well. I think he had pawned not all of it before he had. I lived on the sides of the streets, sleeping under trees, I even hopped the back of a grain train, with the same damned asshole who wrecked my car will I hit Utah. then I went into a homeless shelter. I got into a government school for younger kids to train in cooking. I was rushed into it, having been only a month away from not being allowed due to my birthday. I just get oddly lucky. I found work at Mc.Doodles, was about to finish filling out the papers for promotion, then I had a seizure when driving in a black-out from having had a seizure, only to 'wake' and sign the papers to be dismissed, taken a taxi back 'home', found my keys, and drive down the highway. I woke from it rather far from where I was, so I flipped a U-turn and headed back home. Next thing I knew, I was waking on a hospital bed, and the nurse informed me my parents were coming, and all I could think was 'i'm in trouble...'. They were, and still living in D.C.. but they had caught the first plane they could to come and find me. now, ..sadly...I live in their apartment, and soon we are moving into a condo. Without the 7 pills in the morning I take, 9 at night, I would not be able to walk in a relatively straight line, yet alone walk down the street without falling twitching in it, which I have already a few times since I got put on beds. they are always increasing my pills, or the strength of them. Every time I get a 'cat-scan' my m.s. seems to have only gotten worse, and what sucks, is I am off of the M.S. medications in preparation to start getting an I.V. infusion of stronger medicine. And I can't get a job because of it, and I have been denied for disability already once, now the city has given my an Attorney and, after a year, I am to see the judge as we try to 'plea' my case.

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-27 08:11:04 +0000 UTC]

Well, when I first started to get depressed, I got everything I needed; a therapist, a medicine doctor, and support from my family, even friends! I remember one summery day, I was on the couch, crying. Soon enough, my ex step-mom (Wendy) went over to me and comfort me; by holding me close. That day, I told Wendy that I couldn't finish my dinner (barely ate anything) and she tried to force a little more food in my system, but I won.  All I did, was cry badly in front of my family, and even a few family friends. That day, before my friend that I consider my brother, hugged me for about five minutes. No, I I didn't cry, but I did hug back. I always hug back. That friend is named Tylor D. 

All I can remember is when I get stressed out, I would hurt myself when I was super young. I think, a few times it was cutting, but what I did for self-harm back then, was bang my head against anything I can find. It would be the wall to a glass plate, to a door. I would often bleed on my forehead because of it. I would also pull my hair, done it a few times. There was also bite my arms, and legs. I also once or twice grabbed a fork, and stabbed myself as hard as I can on my right arm. I have done that a few times now. 

I remember the first time I tried to commit suicide. My depression was getting out of control, making me super stressed out, I was crying. I went downstairs into the kitchen where my Schuyler, Tyler, Michael and Rhiannon was there. I grabbed a full bottle of one of my anti-Depressions and emptied the bottle in my hand. Soon enough, Michael gabbed my arm, and forced me to drop them. That day, my little brother Schuyler started to cry, and ran up the stairs to get Wendy and my Father. Wendy wasn't even crying, she just glared at me saying," Really?!?"  I went in my room, balling my eyes out because I failed, and my ex step-mom yelled at me for trying to commit suicide. I sat on my bed, wondering why my ex step-brother stopped me. 

My dad walked into my room, in his Pjs and hugged me for about an hour, not saying a word. He held me close as I cried.  That's all I can remember, and I also have to try to stop crying...t

I was never sexual active, and I have a good reason. When I was ab out 10, my ex step-brother( Michael) started molesting me. When I lived in Lisbon CT,it would happen in his room, my room, the kitchen, the sunroom, the basement, even the pool we had. About a year later, that's when he went to the next level...He started rang me. When I moved to Canturbery CT, him raping me was always in my room, his room or the Kitchen when everyone was asleep. This happened everyday, 7 time a week..I lost my virginity to him, that's not how I wanted to lose it too. I wanted to find the right man to "do it" with, not my own step-brother... In 8th grade, I was also molested for a year by a girl named Eva. She would molest me in the stalls, at my middle school. While I was being"hurt" by those two people, I was being raped and molested by this boy in 8th grade named Colby Walker. Here's the worst part,  Eva helped pin me to the wall so I can be raped....Like really? A depressed girl, being raped...I think that is why they chose me, because I am weak.. I

I went to a high school called,"Woodstock Acdemy"in Woodstock. I met a guy, we stared dating...then...me molested me as well, just for a few months, I managed to break up with him, and never spoke to him ever since now.. This happened in fresh mans year....

Sadly, there is Soo much more freaking shit going on in my life, just now wanting to type it out I guess...

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-28 01:22:52 +0000 UTC]

I understand where you are coming from. I have been depressed a lot through my life, but I took it out by making others smile and laugh as I cracked stupid jokes. I was always getting in close with the 'geeks', and other out-sized 'clicks'. I am a big fan of card games, and DnD, you know, fantasy games and worlds. I have moved so much and so fast in my life, when I did graduate I tried to jump into military. I was a little above the body mass required to join, so I went into government job instead, then I moved after I got fired because I kept forgetting to turn in sick notes from my doctor. I moved in with someone who said they loved me, they even proposed, then i left the two-faced jerk and got into another government job, same as before just different part of the country. I quit after a year, moved in with 'friends' again. one totaled my car trying to do insurance fraud, the other kicked me out because  was not able to look for a job without my car. I lived under bushes and off the side of the road for a while, then we caught the back of a train and made it to Utah, I got into a homeless shelter, and I joined Job Core there. I was a few weeks from reaching the cut-off age, so they pushed my papers through quickly. I found an old rp partner and I asked him to marry me, then I let him go, knowing there was a better man waiting for him. I loved that gay man too much to hurt him by taking him for myself. I got was paying off a used car with my new job, and my friend who had tried to date me before I had gotten into the school, and now had a pregnant girlfriend, though he admitted to me, if no one else, he only stayed with her because she was carrying his kid, and in all honesty he wished it was Me who was pregnant, and not the stuck-up tramp he was going to be calling a 'wife'. I had a seizure, hit my head across a deep freezer when I went down. woke in the hospital with a sore neck, the next thing I remember waking I was in my car, driving down the highway. I had been moving and speaking for about 2 hours in a total black-out. Next thing I know I am waking in a hospital bed, my parents have been called and are coming from D.C., whom I am living with now, to find me. they showed up and apparently spoke with me when I was in a black-out. I had wrecked my car in a seizure while in a black-out into a traffic light pole, totaling my car and bending the light pole. I remember helping t o pack my belongings and getting to the airplane, getting off and tacking a taxi to their apartment, which I am in for about 3 more days before we move...again...but this time into a condo, and apparently since I have moved in with them, my medicine has been increased nearly monthly, but my day-time seizures are no longer occurring, though the night ones do while I am asleep. My spine and brain are scaring themselves, so I don't need to actually hurt myself, my body is doing that on it's own.

But I understand why you need an out-let. I can not say I know how you feel. No one can say that, for no one but you have had all of that happen. But I find writing, even the fucked-up shit I write, is a good way to let your pains lose without having to actually carve flesh, you can rip apart bodies and souls on paper. Honestly I wish I was there with you. I don't lie, it's too much information to try and keep track of, and too taxing a act to try and keep up, and I am, at best, a lazy fucker.

I live online as both my pen name, which is Knightsun, my 'stage name', who is Damien A. Burroughs, but the real me, the tubby blonde girl, walks in a, more or less, line in the shadows, forced to stay between my mother and my father. I can be thankful for one thing, though I have no brothers, I have a step sister who I have only seen in real life Once, but my parents love me, and they protect me, even when it nearly drives me mad...I Can Not Go Anywhere Alone!!! Well tomorrow I will be alone, they go to sign the paperwork for the condo, so I will be at home for a few hours to myself.

I am sorry, I tend to ramble on. I mean, it works for when I am writing my fanfictions, and, attempt, to write my books. But my mind can not hold a train of thought going in a straight line, even when I am on all of my pills. Note, They have taken me off of the medicine that is suppose to slow if not stop and possibly, so they think, the scarring of my brain. I've been off of it for almost a month, soon they are trying something that is suppose to be even stronger, but it is an I.V. and is suppose to be done once every month to every 3 ones, I can't remember anymore. I had bad memory even when I was young, but now, it is getting worse. I forget times, dates, I even forget how to spell small words, I am a treasurer of the anime club I am part of, and I forgot how to spell 'dues' on the receipts. I could spell everything else, I could read everything correctly, but that word...I had to ask someone how to spell it...I know my spelling sucks as it is, but that word...that damned word...

I am sorry, I rambled again. I need to stop before I just break down crying again...I hate crying...I hate seeming weak...I always was the strong one, I always was the one people could cry to...I was always so depressed, I helped to make others feel the happiness I could not feel, because seeing I made others smile, helped me smile, if only for a while, but it was worth it..

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-28 18:36:08 +0000 UTC]

O.O...

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-03-29 01:28:22 +0000 UTC]

sorry, I tend to ramble when I am half asleep. but know, you are not alone on being afraid, or hurt, everyone feels their own pain in their own way. just keep writing, it is a safe, and wonderful way to cope with everything and everything.

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-03-29 17:47:10 +0000 UTC]

It's okay...

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-04-05 23:17:07 +0000 UTC]

*groans, stretching* blargh...finally...we are finished moving...sore, but no longer bored and feeling useless. But that will pass soon enough. I have to go for an ekg...or was it an ecg?...3 nights in the hospital...only about 32 channels, none cartoon network...stuck attached to prods to my head, forced to sleep on my back, I sleep on my stomach, eating bland hospital food...unable to walk or stand unless I call a nurse so I can go to the bathroom, so yah....yay...but I am on our new internet, we got a new provider, Comcast was being a real piece of shit. this new one got to us in 24 hours and we are sharing the same line as a neighbor, but tomorrow they are supposedly, coming to set up a new line for us. so...Yay! well enough about my shit, how are you doing in your neck of the woods?

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-04-06 00:14:09 +0000 UTC]

*kindly hugs you* I'm sorry to hear that friend. I really hope you feel better.

I'm alright, I guess. Hanging in there..

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-04-09 18:15:21 +0000 UTC]

*sighs resting for the first time in a while* well, I am glad to hear that. we finally finished moving into our new place. now if we can only get the paperwork finished and the loan accepted, we will have our new condo. We are pushing them hard seeing as we got to move in early, like a few others have. The condo buildings are still being built. think 2 level apartments. nicely laid out, and we own them, not rent them. They have messed up on a lot of things, and we are riding them about it. They like us, we don't just complain, we point out specifics so they actually know what need fixed, instead of general 'hey the fridge is wrong', or 'the plumbing is not working', or just sitting there and not saying shit at all. In fact, the person who designed the condo's came through as we were talking with the woman who showed us this place as we were drawing something to her attention. Seeing what we did with our condo, he took our paint choices and made them the paint scheme for the others that were still being built. soft almost grey/green for the walls of the living room/kitchen area, very soft blue for the bathrooms, and a gentle almost eggshell/like color for the rooms, something light to make the small rooms seem bigger. Let's just say, he is impressed by our choices, and takes what we comment/complain to heart, since we show the exact reason why we are doing that. in fact, we brought an issue of the fridge that can not open fully because of how it sits against the marble countertop, which has been scratched and worn because of where the door rubs against it when being opened, he realized that all of the ground level condo's have the same problem, so he is working actually With us to find new fridges to replace them with. he is getting close to a solution, but he also needs to order the replacements in bulk so it takes a while.

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-04-09 19:04:18 +0000 UTC]

Wow, you must of had some fun there. Just, don't do anything stupid xD

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-04-10 01:49:03 +0000 UTC]

meh, the only stupid thing i could do was something i did long ago before they put me on seizure medicine. that was to, in a black out from a seizure, check myself out of the hospital, take a taxi back to the place i was staying, find my keys, get in my car, only to wake up miles away on the highway heading out of Utah, only to turn around and start driving back, only then to wake suddenly in a hospital and having been told my mother was flying from D.C. to Utah to take me back to D.C., where i currently am in the new condo, on steady medicine to keep my day-time seizures under control, which are working well, have been for the past year, well at least we have no known records of my seizures for the past year, but i am going in for studies to see if i am having them at night, which according to my random bruises when i wake, i am starting to believe i am still having.

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Camaro-GirlZl1 In reply to Knightsun [2016-04-12 03:16:57 +0000 UTC]

Huh....

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Knightsun In reply to Camaro-GirlZl1 [2016-04-17 17:23:30 +0000 UTC]

I don't know, I can't even remember what I originally was saying, just got home last night from my hospital stay, good news, they recorded I am still having seizures, now if I can only get on disability. oh, was walking around my neighborhood a while ago, this place would be a perfect location for a card shop. well games and card shop. i'm getting tired of not having a decent place for playing games like magic the gathering, or other card games like that, or a nice place to buy manga and anime, or even a good hang-out for a once-a-week DnD game.

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Knightsun In reply to Chirachina [2015-07-19 14:16:05 +0000 UTC]

Hello, how may I help you?

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Chirachina In reply to Knightsun [2015-07-29 21:34:19 +0000 UTC]

Oh im just dropping by,^^ 

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Knightsun In reply to Chirachina [2015-08-13 14:02:34 +0000 UTC]

indeed, how are things going? doing well? see anything you like?

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Knightsun In reply to bluhm [2014-12-28 16:21:45 +0000 UTC]

I am sorry my darling, please forgive my lapse from facebook.

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Knightsun In reply to bluhm [2014-12-28 16:06:37 +0000 UTC]

sadly, it is kinda hard to get onto that account, I am on my other one more often than not now, mostly because I lost my password for that one, but I am trying to keep up with some writing, though, sadly, I have lost a lot of inspiration.

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bluhm In reply to Knightsun [2015-10-29 13:24:21 +0000 UTC]

Knight, tell me what the namesake profile is so you and I can chat more often

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Knightsun In reply to bluhm [2015-11-05 18:47:09 +0000 UTC]

i'm mainly on 'paige allen' on facebook these last few days

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Knightsun In reply to Ephah [2014-02-24 04:15:32 +0000 UTC]

i'm at frost's house, Truce lives here, i'm gona give her a link to your deviant art site to see if she can get in contact with you to help you as she can, if she can. see you at work Ash!

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Ephah In reply to Knightsun [2014-02-25 01:48:01 +0000 UTC]

All good. No rush and aye!

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Knightsun In reply to Ephah [2014-03-10 01:31:03 +0000 UTC]

i've told them, Angel said she might not be the best, but Truce might be better. i'm still trying to get her to look at your work so far.

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Ephah In reply to Knightsun [2014-03-10 02:57:26 +0000 UTC]

No rush.

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