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yilingIaozu — i am the abused
Published: 2012-09-13 23:55:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 79735; Favourites: 781; Downloads: 62
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Description
I am the kicked.I am the punched.
I am the stabbed.
I am the healed.
I am the victim.
I am the savior.
I am the demon.
I am the angel.
I am the injured.
I am the scarred.
I am the pure.
I am the dark.
I am the light.
I am the broken.
I am the mute.
I am the blind.
I am the disabled.
I am the deaf.
I am the lie.
I am the truth.
I am the glutton.
I am the lust.
I am the greed.
I am the envy.
I am the wrath.
I am the sloth.
I am the pride.
I am the void.
We are the victims.
We are the abused.
We are the unseen.
We are the unheard.
We are the forgotten.
We are the used.
We are the unimportant.
We are the invisible ones.
I am the weak.
I am the strong.
I am the willful.
I am the spiritless.
I am the hope.
I am the light.
I am the child.
I am the happy.
I am the princess.
They are the dragon.
You are the prince.
They are the tower.
I am the strangled.
I am the mangled.
I am the mutilated.
I am the murdered.
I am the hanged.
They are the judges.
I am the defendant.
I am the guilty.
They are the jury.
I am the criminal.
You are the audience.
And no one is the judge.
I am the peace.
I am the order.
I am the discord.
I am the nothing.
I am the abused.
They are the abuser.
You are the witness.
I am the victim.
I am the nothing.
I am the silence.
I am the unseen.
I am not here.
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Comments: 512
this is deep, its so deep that everyone that have been bullied and ignored should read your poems
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reminds me of ozzy osbourne's song called let it die
anyways this is great
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You should not determine negative or disagreeing commentary as 'hate' comments. If you are going to put this work out there, you need to be able to take criticism, including harsh criticism. It goes to the front page means it will get criticism. Including mine now.
To me this is not a poem. It is a list
You have simply taken words that describe victimhood, and placed "I am the" and then "we are" in front of them.
It is repetetive because once you established your formula ("I am the" + victim word) anybody can add any word after it and go on forever.
Not very creative. Furthermore, if you are telling us you are all these things, I think you need to get over yourself a little bit. Self-pity is really not a good way to express oneself.
My positive suggestion- try to say something that is relevent to the rest of society and not so self-focused.
And try to expand with the English language beyond the repetition of "I am the" and "we are".
Comment you can call it hate if you want. I hate not.
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It's a vent art, it's supposed to be about myself.
Actually, there are only one or two hate comments.
I do take criticism, but people telling me to get over myself and fix my problems is like telling a border collie it c an't dig anymore. It's easier said than done. Obviously, you didn't read above the quote in the description where I said this is a vent.
Nothing about your comment makes it hate.
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This is really good ^-^ I'm a bit of a writer myself is you'd like to look at my dumb works xD
ANYWHO....this was really nice, though personally I'm not a fan of repitition xD To me it makes it seem somewhat undescriptive, but seeing this was "vent art" I completely understand it xD I can actually relate to it as well so thats another plus
All in all its like a 7.4/10 to me and thats just because repitition tends to get bland after a while.
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Actually, believe it or not repitition is one of my pet peeves, unless it is in an artistic form like this.
Haha, thank you. It wasn't meant to have too much of an artistic value, and more just me getting my emotions out.
I'll take a look at your gallery as a fellow writer~
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That's why these things called sentences exist, so people can use multiple words to describe their feelings.
Revolutionary, I know.
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Maybe you should have added at the ottom "I am humanity" or something simuilar. I don't know if it makes sense, since I am not a great poet, but it would add a great feeling at the end (:
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Iwould have if it was an edited non-vent piece
Maybe I'll make a similar work about humaniy
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Oh, okay. It's your choice. (:
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dont listen to half guy yours was good keep it up its good i like the light and dark thing >.< aweosome job
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your welcome that guy was a idiot i bet hes mad cause he wasn't in it or something hahaha ^^
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lol no. he's said to others that he's had problems like mine and got himself out of it himself, and he's looking down on me because I made this, and because I need help to get out of my depression. it's basically the same exact thing that happened with an ex-friend of mine and my girlfriend. he said people who looked to medicines for depression were weak. >_> If you ask me he's weak for not asking for help because he's not gotten out of his depression.
The person i'm talking about thinks I'm a lowlife because I can admit to myself that I need help? I've given up with humanity a long time ago, so his idiocy and hypocrisy doesn't surprise me.
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thats good i agree hes a idiot im glad you don't care you'll be ok you know a artist emilie autumn is a good musician you'd like her just dont give up i get rude comments at my drawings i dont care never ever be depressed though its probably hard not to be but just dont i know how you feel kinda
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If you want a link . . .
here it is.
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THE REVIEW:Although there is a lot of potential here, but this poem doesn't really tickle my fancy, even if I liked that whole abuse niche of poetry, I didn't really like it, as AlcatrazEX said, there were some stanzas that were very powerful, but I felt more felt redundant/filler material while a few okay stanzas were the remainder. Some of the word play was good while others didn't make sense to me, but hey, I can't hold that against you since it's a personal piece, a bad point though, I AM THE will be burned in my frontal lobe for the rest of eternity because I read this.
THE RATING: I'd rate it a 4.75/10, I saw the good parts, but they weren't good enough to out-shadow the bad points. Wordplay could use some work and it dragged on too long for a repetitive work.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE: You've got all of the pieces of the puzzle arranged, you just haven't put them together yet, keep practising! I look forward to seeing what you'll do for the next piece.
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Thank you! I appreciate the review 
It would probably be better though, if it weren't 100% raw.
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Your welcome for the review, and thank you for not getting all butthurt like most DArtists do.
It probably would be a lot better if it weren't raw, I still highly encourage you to keep writing, you do have a lot of talent.
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I didn't get butthurt because it is a review, and people are entitled to their own opinion.
Thank you
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And I thank you for that, because most artists on here can't even take constructive criticism.
Your welcome.
Also may I suggest poetic stanzas that are 8 lines for your next poem?
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Oh god. most are just like "OMG UR SO MEAN >
8 Lines? I've never written 8 lines for a stanza. I'll keep that in mind.
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I know, some of my Real-life friends were dragging us into a massive DaWar about critiques and ended up getting talked to by the principal... *sigh* in highschool... So yeah, DaRama makes me want to vomit.
I've written quite a few 8 line Stanzas, they are quite fun in my opinion because they allow so much variation.
Hmm... I always end up ranting
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Oh wow. o-o; dA got banned in my county because my friend was always on it in her digital art class >_>; Thank god I can bypass the block with https..
How would the school be able to get involved witht he dA War?
It's fine
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Because of one person? Seriously?
One of them bitched to the principal about it...
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Yeah. :\ It's annoying.
Seriously? O_O;
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Yeah, I'm embarrassed of even knowing that,
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It's fine.
I find it odd how the principal found out about the internet fight. Oh well . . .
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I know... It's ridiculous...
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Ilike this alot, it's well written.
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This sorta sounds like the poem "Orphan."
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"Orphan"? 
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[link] Catalina Ferro
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Oh my god that's beautiful.
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I like the uses of metaphors within the vent (jury, dragon, prince,) and some areas of this writing really shine.
I also like the one stanza that goes from strangled to murdered as there's a definite sense of transition, one that fits with the theme.
However, some stanzas feel a little bit redundant and pointless, and the overall vent becomes repetitive even if consistency was the intention.
For a vent, it's alright. It conveys dark emotions that can be difficult to explain in the proper words, but it feels off in enough areas that is doesn't spark an emotional response from those that read it (at least from me). Nonetheless, I'm going to favorite this. While the emotional response I had was minimal, I still respect the piece and I did enjoy reading it.
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You don't need to write a sonnet worthy of Shakespeare to write good poetry. Repetition doesn't degrade from the writing (at least not normally), it just drives the point home. Of course, you could always go and edit this, turn it into something different and potentially better, but you don't need to. It's great just how it is. Wonderful job.
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this is awesome! i got shivers up my spine after reading this!
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