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Description
At the time i was living with two of my ex partners in Indiana

A vent i posted in March 9th 2017 goes as follows

Reasons why i have been less active.I smile for my friends and loved ones but have been suffering allot from my mental illnesses.Without my partners i would probably not be eating or getting out of bed.This picture can sum up how i feel,sometimes i wish i was back in a hospital or with my girlfriend cuddling up to her and feeling safe.Does not mean i am not happy here,i am just not able to be happy due to my own issues that few people can handle and help me with.I feel cold and shakey allot then afraid to talk to people because i have so much going on in my mind i do not know what to say or how to.When i get money i end up spending it instantly because i grew up with material items replacing affection at times.Sometimes i feel like my items have emotions and i cannot throw them away because they rely on me to survive i guess.I get attached to anything with a face or story,even a feather or bone can cause this reaction that i need to take care of it.Its hard to make desisions even on what i want to eat or what i need to make me feel better because i just do not know.Sometimes people hate me or dislike me before they even talk to me,i try my best to be friendly but still get harassed or completely shunned and it does hurt.I just want to be that example of someone who is not crazy because they have a mental illness that i am not evil or violent and uncaring.That i care about people and their feelings,that i do want to be a good person and a friend.

I have an obsession with the internet because watching video's is a kind of escape for me.Sometimes people get mad at me for it but its the only way i can get things off my mind sometimes or even prevent the bad thoughts.Sometimes i wounder why anyone would put up with me,i am not right and i get thoughts of actually wanting to be hit or kicked by my partners,because i just don't feel like i deserve the forgiveness they give me.Even when don't understand why i am saying sorry.

Description
At the time i was living with two of my ex partners in Indiana

A vent i posted in March 9th 2017 goes as follows

Reasons why i have been less active.I smile for my friends and loved ones but have been suffering allot from my mental illnesses.Without my partners i would probably not be eating or getting out of bed.This picture can sum up how i feel,sometimes i wish i was back in a hospital or with my girlfriend cuddling up to her and feeling safe.Does not mean i am not happy here,i am just not able to be happy due to my own issues that few people can handle and help me with.I feel cold and shakey allot then afraid to talk to people because i have so much going on in my mind i do not know what to say or how to.When i get money i end up spending it instantly because i grew up with material items replacing affection at times.Sometimes i feel like my items have emotions and i cannot throw them away because they rely on me to survive i guess.I get attached to anything with a face or story,even a feather or bone can cause this reaction that i need to take care of it.Its hard to make desisions even on what i want to eat or what i need to make me feel better because i just do not know.Sometimes people hate me or dislike me before they even talk to me,i try my best to be friendly but still get harassed or completely shunned and it does hurt.I just want to be that example of someone who is not crazy because they have a mental illness that i am not evil or violent and uncaring.That i care about people and their feelings,that i do want to be a good person and a friend.

I have an obsession with the internet because watching video's is a kind of escape for me.Sometimes people get mad at me for it but its the only way i can get things off my mind sometimes or even prevent the bad thoughts.Sometimes i wounder why anyone would put up with me,i am not right and i get thoughts of actually wanting to be hit or kicked by my partners,because i just don't feel like i deserve the forgiveness they give me.Even when don't understand why i am saying sorry.