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Alex sighed. Beside him, the champagne horse snorted softly, reaching out his nose to his handler. The two of them had a bond, but Alex was afraid that he might break it, shatter it into a thousand pieces. He'd been doing...poorly didn't describe it. But that was the word that came to mind, as he pressed himself closer, closer to the stallion, who snorted and whinnied softly. Alex couldn't help but fight back a sting of tears at the sound. Ahzdaya always cared for him, always had his back. And that little moment was enough to spark a hunger. A hunger to fight. A hunger to keep going. Alex grabbed his phone from his pocket, logged in to his online portal, and typed out a quick message. It was a monumentous task, if he were asked his opinion on it. Recently, he'd tried to go off his anti-depressant after almost six years on it, and the lack of medication had unstabilized him in less than two weeks. He was back where he started, only this time with the feeling of shame that he'd "failed" at going without the pills. So to ask for his doctor to restart the script was...immense. But he did it, while the horse stared over his shoulder almost, as if to make sure he got the message out.

"I'm not done yet," he whispered, turning back to Ahzdaya, and closing his eyes. "I....I don't wanna live like this, but I don't wanna die," he told the horse. "Maybe....maybe it'll get better."

Ahzdaya snorted softly, as though to agree that the fight wasn't over, that Alex could keep holding on for just a couple weeks more, and his medication would take effect again. Not that it was a perfect cure, but it kept him from the dizzying abyss of wishing he were gone. And that was all he could ask for.

Not wholly, but partially inspired by life events. I'm definitely doing okay, but I'll be restarting my higher dosage of anti-depressants this morning, so in a couple weeks or so, I should be doing better than okay!

Description

Alex sighed. Beside him, the champagne horse snorted softly, reaching out his nose to his handler. The two of them had a bond, but Alex was afraid that he might break it, shatter it into a thousand pieces. He'd been doing...poorly didn't describe it. But that was the word that came to mind, as he pressed himself closer, closer to the stallion, who snorted and whinnied softly. Alex couldn't help but fight back a sting of tears at the sound. Ahzdaya always cared for him, always had his back. And that little moment was enough to spark a hunger. A hunger to fight. A hunger to keep going. Alex grabbed his phone from his pocket, logged in to his online portal, and typed out a quick message. It was a monumentous task, if he were asked his opinion on it. Recently, he'd tried to go off his anti-depressant after almost six years on it, and the lack of medication had unstabilized him in less than two weeks. He was back where he started, only this time with the feeling of shame that he'd "failed" at going without the pills. So to ask for his doctor to restart the script was...immense. But he did it, while the horse stared over his shoulder almost, as if to make sure he got the message out.

"I'm not done yet," he whispered, turning back to Ahzdaya, and closing his eyes. "I....I don't wanna live like this, but I don't wanna die," he told the horse. "Maybe....maybe it'll get better."

Ahzdaya snorted softly, as though to agree that the fight wasn't over, that Alex could keep holding on for just a couple weeks more, and his medication would take effect again. Not that it was a perfect cure, but it kept him from the dizzying abyss of wishing he were gone. And that was all he could ask for.

Not wholly, but partially inspired by life events. I'm definitely doing okay, but I'll be restarting my higher dosage of anti-depressants this morning, so in a couple weeks or so, I should be doing better than okay!