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Part Three – Mama & Caldar

Due to her late night milk drinking exploits, next morning Sofie slept in so late Mama had to wake her. “It’s time to get up, sweetheart. Calder has gone to fetch breakfast. You won’t have time to eat if you don’t get up now.”
The possibility was enough to have Sofie leaping out of bed. She’d pulled on her grey dress before she thought to ask: “Is Jarl Ulfric staying for breakfast as well?”
“No. He had to go back to the Palace. He has much to organise before marching on Solitude.”
The day had started brilliantly. Sofie buried the knowledge Mama and Calder leaving her alone tomorrow to stop it spoiling her mood.
“He does want me to come there tonight though.”
“Oh. Will you be able to read me my story and song before you go?”
“Of course. Sit down. I’ll comb your hair.”

Calder bought back cabbage and potato soup for them and grilled chicken breast for Kit. “Elda said to tell you she’s going to need more gold now she has to feed a fox as well.”
Sofie froze. Her father had never allowed her to keep things if they were going to require septims. Mama’s reaction was a calm: “She’s always been as ruthless a businesswoman as Niranye.”
“Windhelm women are,” replied Calder. “The reason Torsten is never the market stall is because his wife decided he couldn’t be trusted to bargain high prices. That’s why he’s always moping about being a sailor and pestering his poor farmhand. His wife is so busy running the market stall he doesn’t have enough to do or any company.”
“I wouldn’t disregard your men. Revyn Sadri is a sharp operator. When he is selling at any rate. I’ve known him to make mistakes purchasing. He gave me lessons in bargaining when I first arrived.”
Nobody was saying anything about not feeding Kit. Sofie assumed it wasn’t going to happen and devoted her attention to the soup. After a few minutes Mama told her to stop gulping her food or she might make herself sick. Sofie slurped the last spoonful. “Sorry Mama. I don’t want to be late for lessons. Wuunferth doesn’t like it if I’m late.”
“Wait. I want to go with you. I’d like to hear how your studies are progressing.” Mama got up from the table and went upstairs to change into an outfit which would hide her skin and face, putting Sofie in a conundrum. Waiting for Mama would make her late for lessons which would make Wuunferth mad. If she left now she’d be on time, but Mama would be mad she had not waited as instructed. After weighing up how much affection she currently received and was willing to lose from both parties, whose anger she was more afraid of and potential consequences either party could inflict upon her the choice was easy. Sofie sat down to wait for Mama. Wuunferth wouldn’t be able to do anything to her with Mama in the room anyway. “Will you be coming too Calder?”
“Of course. I’m Faire’s housecarl. I go everywhere with her.”
Sofie smiled in satisfaction. Wuunferth wouldn’t be able to do anything to Mama with Calder in the room either.

Wuunferth was standing over his enchanting table, not facing the door as they arrived. “You’re late…” he began growling, turning, then stopped as he saw Sofie hadn’t come alone. As she had taken the precaution of ensuring each of her hands was firmly holding Mama and Calder’s, Wuunferth’s tone did not shake Sofie’s composure.
“Dragonborn,” Wuunferth said, in a much more polite voice than he had given earlier. “I was not aware you had returned to Windhelm.”
“I arrived late yesterday afternoon. I’ve been in Hjaalmarch.”
“Yes, I heard you won a mighty victory for the Stormcloakwith your sword arm.” Sofie was put strongly in mind of Neetrenaza talking to a Nord. Even though his words were respectful, you nevertheless got the impression of being utterly disdained. “Strength and steel are well and good but magic is the true power in this world. Why do I never hear about any magical feats except the thu’um from your battles? Magical prowess is the one area Altmer actually are as superior as they claim to Nords.”
“I was never taught any. It was clear from a young age teaching me any offensive or defensive magic would only make me more dangerous than I already was.” Mama’s tone had gone flat again, but Wuunferth was as oblivious about Mama’s desire not to discuss it further than the Jarl.
“Is that why you only know restoration magic?”
“I actually came to discuss my daughter’s education rather than my own. Is she still struggling with mathematics?”
“She’s making some progress with addition and subtraction. I’m pretty sure that rapid progress with multiplication tables is just her good memory rather than any true grasping of the concept. And she’s still a complete ignoramus with long division.”
Sofie didn’t know what ignoramus meant but assumed from her history with long division it was not complimentary, an assumption which seemed to be correct from the way Calder’s free hand patted her head, Mama’s raised eyebrows and the way Wuunferth abruptly started acting like Neetrenaza talking to Scouts-Many-Marshes instead of a Nord. “The girl does better with letters. She’s making steady enough progress with reading. She has unusually neat handwriting for a child that young as well.”
Sofie had noticed Mama was not inclined to accept answers from her of a few sentences to her questions. When Sofie did so, Mama always responded with more questions until she got answers with enough detail to satisfy her. Interestingly, this was not something Mama would only do to Sofie as she spent the next half hour interrogating Wuunferth on how well she was learning. It was a great way to start lessons: by not having them. It didn’t last as she had to pick up a book once Mama got answers she considered satisfactorily detailed. Mama then decided to sit in on lessons “to see firsthand how my daughter is handling her studies”. It meant Wuunferth was less testy. Whenever she made a mistake Wuunferth would open his mouth and glance at Mama and Calder silently watching before correcting her in an uncharacteristically courteous manner.

One thing about lessons Wuunferth didn’t change was punctually ending at lunch time, although instead of kicking them out like he did when Sofie was alone he told them he had important research to do that he’d explain but they’d probably just be confused. Sofie wondered if it was how adults kicked other adults out. It seemed likely as Calder was annoyed. He kept grumbling about how Jarl Ulfric would certainly find his court mage’s disrespect to his Thane objectionable if he knew about it.
“I don’t particularly want him to know about it,” Mama said decisively. “I have no desire to anger Wuunferth. He’s doing an excellent job teaching Sofie. She barely knew her alphabet or numbers when I found her. Now she can read and do basic sums. I won’t jeopardise her education for such a petty reason. Can you please go fetch lunch from Candlehearth Hall? Buy some sweetrolls with whatever they cooked today.”
Mama never ate at Candlehearth Hall because eating meant having to take off the hood and scarf she wrapped around her face. Even when they’d been living there she’d always eaten in her private room with the door locked instead of in the common room. Sofie followed Mama towards Hjerim, happy as always in the knowledge of an imminent meal. As long as she had food, Sofie never cared where she ate. “Thank you for ordering sweetrolls with lunch, Mama. I love them.”
“I know. I thought you deserved a reward for all the progress you’ve made with your studies. Don’t feed any to Kit though. Foxes are supposed to eat meat, not sugared pastry. It’s safe for Kit to eat steamed mudcrab legs, but if he eats too many sweetrolls it won’t be good for him.”
Sofie examined Mama’s face. Not detecting any anger, she ventured: “I didn’t think anyone had noticed.”
“I’m the only one who did. Don’t look worried. I used to feed my dogs at the table when I was your age too. Nurse would be horrified if she knew I was passing my bad habit onto my children.”
As Mama had not had dogs or a nurse while she had been in Skyrim, Sofie added those bits of information to her scant store of knowledge on Mama’s life before they became a family. I knew she was a noblewoman. Only rich children have nurses. As Mama looked sad, Sofie assumed her nurse and dogs were dead. “Did the Thalmor kill them?”
“Oh no. They died of old age long before… My nurse wasn’t young when she was assigned to me and dogs don’t live long anyway.” By this stage they had reached home. Mama waited until the door was shut before she continued speaking. “I’m sure the dogs I left behind are fine, even if they miss me as much as I miss them. Dogs belonging to traitorous bloodlines have never been considered necessary to purge.”
“What’s a traitorous bloodline?”
“The blood children and grandchildren of an established traitor.” Mama’s tone was flat for that statement, but not for her next. “We’ll visit the market in the Stone Quarter after lunch. I’d like to offload all the items I took from Morvath’s Lair and I have a delivery of mammoth powder for Quintus. Afterwards we’ll visit Revyn’s shop. He’s more likely to have something pretty you can dress your dolly in. Have you given her a name?”
First Shahvee, now Mama. Adults were obsessed with things having names. “Dolly.”
“Kit and Dolly. You’re going through a descriptive phase, aren’t you?”
Calder arrived back with food before Sofie could ask what that meant, upon which she lost all interest. Beef stew and sweetrolls were always going to be more deserving of attention than new vocabulary. Kit spent the meal trying to convince Sofie sweetrolls were good for him, but as Mama was watching he had to be content with licking Sofie’s sticky fingers after she was finished. Mama made her wash her hands after, despite Sofie’s protests that Kit had licked them extremely clean.

It was snowing lightly when the four of them left the house. It was only supposed to be three but Kit saw he was going to be left behind, decided he didn’t want to be and promptly made sure he wasn’t. Sofie tried not to look at the daggers, gems and jewelry Mama was selling. Admiring something she could never keep only led to heartbreak. Past experiences in the Stone Quarter at the forefront of Sofie’s mind kept her silently clinging to the safety of Calder’s leg while Mama bargained with Niranye and the blacksmith. She only let go when the blacksmith spotted Kit nosing a barrel and made an offer to buy him. The barrel must have been full of something delectable because Kit did not at all appreciate Sofie dragging him back to the protection of Calder. He squirmed and whined without pause. Mama stood firm in her refusal to sell him, luckily, as the blacksmith came close to begging. The imminent Stormcloak march on Solitude had made him critically short of all his crafting materials, including leather. I’m glad I’m not a fox. It must be horrible having everyone see you only as a pelt to be tanned. Sofie didn’t put Kit down until after they went inside The White Phial. Alchemists were not interested fox body parts.

Quintus’s eyes lit up when Mama entered the shop. It was easy to notice as his demeanor had been so wretched before he realised who had entered his shop. “Faire! Um…I mean Dragonborn. Do you have the powder and snow?”
“Only the mammoth powder, I’m afraid,” Mama said, handing over a sealed bowl. “There was a giant camp on the way back to Windhelm…”
“After our detour,” Calder muttered. Sofie was fairly sure she was the only one who heard him as Mama kept talking.
“…but the Throat of the World was too far out of our way.”
Quintus went right back to looking wretched. “Thank you. Will you be able to go to the Throat of the World soon?”
“Yes,” Mama said at the same time Calder said: “No. We are due in Haafinger tomorrow.”
“We can travel there via Ivarstead. I’ll have a courier deliver you the snow.”
Calder gave a nearly inaudible sigh at Faire’s words. “The dragon who lives there won’t mind us taking his snow, will he?”
“His name is Paarthurnax, Calder, and of course he won’t. He’s overcome his evil nature. Stop pretending you have Blade sympathies. I know quite well you just don’t want to climb the Throat.”
Sofie’s curiosity overcame her reserve. Quintus didn’t look likely to suddenly fly into a rage anyway. “Why do you need someone to climb the highest mountain in the world to get some snow? There is lots of snow right outside the door.” She pulled up her skirt to show him her boots, still coated in snow. “See?”
“That snow isn’t any good to me, Sofie. It melts. I need snow which doesn’t melt to repair the white phial.”
Sofie looked around at the unbroken boards of the floor and walls of the shop front. What she could see of Quintus’s room to the left seemed in perfect repair as well. I guess one of the upstairs rooms must need mending. “Wouldn’t wood or stone be better than snow to fix your building?”
“It isn’t the shop which has broken, it’s the White Phial Nurelion named his shop after. It’s a very ancient magical artefact which means special materials to fix it. And I think I can. I know I can.” The wretchedness had slowly been fading from Quintus’s face as he spoke to Sofie, but with his last two sentences it came back in a flood. “If I get them in time. Otherwise there’s no point.”
Mama touched Quintus’s shoulder. “Nurelion’s taken a turn for the worse, hasn’t he?”
Blinking away tears, Quintus nodded. “I think finding it was the only thing keeping him alive. When you found it damaged he lost all motivation to stay alive. All he does is sleep.” Quintus didn’t manage to blink away his tears this time. “Please get me the unmalting snow soon. Nurelion hasn’t got much time left. I don’t want him to die believing his life’s work was in vain.”
“I’ll bring it as soon as I can. I have to leave Windhelm tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” Quintus whispered.
Mama waited for him to compose himself before she spoke again. “I wish I could tell you it starts feeling better eventually but it doesn’t. You just have to learn how to live with constant grief.”

Before they left the White Phial Sofie was careful to pick Kit up. Alchemy shops were full of fox enticing smells, but fortunately Quintus required enough comforting about his dying master that Mama didn’t leave until after Kit felt he had investigated each scent to his satisfaction and was content to be carried. More than content, Kit spent the entire walk past the blacksmith licking her chin. The openly covetous look the blacksmith gave Kit as they went past made Sofie glad she’d had the foresight to keep hold of him.
“Visiting Paarthurnax’s home will make us late to Haafinger’s Stormcloak camp,” Calder said in a studiously neutral tone.
Mama shrugged. “We’ll walk fast. I bet we won’t be as late as you think. You always insist we leave early because you’re paranoid about being late.”
“Being at camp by Loredas was a direct order from the leader of the Stormcloaks.”
“You aren’t a Stormcloak anymore. And I’m not a regular Stormcloak. I may as well get privileges nobody else gets if I have to…” Mama broke off temporarily to glance at Sofie. “If I have to perform all these special tasks nobody else does. Also I’m not sure I could live with myself if I knew it was in my power to make an old man die happy but chose not to.”
“Faire, I don’t know what it was like in your homeland but in Skyrim if you don’t want to…” Calder glanced at Sofie and stopped talking. She was about to ask why they both kept looking at her when Kit decided he was sick of being carried and began to kick. As they were in the Grey Quarter by this stage Sofie felt it would be safe to give him freedom. Mama continued the conversation while Sofie was putting Kit down. “With any luck I won’t be a Stormcloak much longer. I think I have a decent chance of persuading the Jarl not to send me on any more missions once the war is over and Alduin is gone. He puts a surprising amount of emphasis on my being Dragonborn. I don’t know why, but he thinks it’s important.”
Sofie giggled. Calder didn’t think Mama had said something funny, judging by the pained expression on his face. “Being Dragonborn is important to all Nords, Faire. Our greatest heroes were Dragonborn. Our greatest legends were Dragonborn.”
“Really? I can’t say I’m surprised. The Jarl never found me particularly remarkable the first few times we met. It wasn’t until after I took the Kynesgrove dragon’s soul he suddenly gave me Hjerim and began treating me like I was the most irresistible woman alive.”
The conversation ended as they arrived at Revyn’s. It was a relief to get out of the falling snow. It was the sort of weather Sofie had dreaded when she had to spend her days standing by the gates to the docks hoping people walking past would buy flowers from her. Having a family was ever so much better than being alone in the world. At least in a family somebody made sure she was warm, dry and fed when she was left alone.

Revyn smiled when he saw Mama, his white teeth in stark contrast to his dark face. This was typical. Revyn always smiled a lot around Mama. “My dear Dragonborn. How delightful to see you in Windhelm again. I hope you’ll be gracing the city with your presence for a good long time.”
“I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I’m hoping my next return will be more enduring.”
Revyn’s smile widened. “I hope that will be the case.”
“We have a purchase to make,” Calder broke in. “Do you have any cloth?”
“I had a trader drop by with some lovely pieces the other day.” Revyn reached under his counter to place seven rolls on the flat surface. Mama picked Sofie up so she could see them. “Which do you like best?”
A dazzling display of luxurious colours overwhelmed Sofie. “I don’t know.”
Revyn gave another smile, looking at Mama even though he was speaking to Sofie. “Take your time deciding. I don’t mind how long it takes.”
“Don’t you still have some necklaces to sell, Faire?” Calder said.
“Some.” Mama put Sofie on the counter to rifle in her pouch.
“Lovely.” Revyn took the necklaces out of Mama’s hand without taking his eyes of Mama. They bargained fairly quickly before starting to gossip. At least it wasn’t politics, although the doings of various Grey Quarter residents Sofie didn’t know weren’t much better as far as interest went.

While Revyn and Mama chattered, with Calder silently watching, Sofie pondered her choices. Brown and white were too drab, especially with the other bright colours vying for attention. Blood red, while magnificent, was not an appropriate colour for a doll who had become alone due to vampires. The yellow was the nicest colour but the material felt too coarse for such a soft doll. The black was soft but Sofie instinctively shied away from the colour of mourning. That left two choices.
“Have you picked a material for your doll yet?” asked Calder.
“Nearly. The blue or the green.”
“Why not the blue? She can be a Stormcloak.”
That certainly settled the question. Now the only question was how to phrase her choice delicately enough that Calder wouldn’t be offended. “Dolly wants to stay with me all the time, not be a Stormcloak and leave me alone. A green dress would be best.”
“She’s made a choice! It’s the green material. How much is it?”
Well, Calder didn’t seem offended with Sofie. He barely even seemed to notice her in fact. It was Mama and Revyn that were the focus of his attention. With his frequent interjections when their conversation began to meander the material was paid for quickly.
“Will you be heading to the New Gnisis Cornerclub this evening?” Revyn asked.
Mama shook her head. “Sorry, Revyn. I’m afraid I have a prior engagement I cannot avoid tonight.”
“Maybe when you return then. I hear the Stormcloaks are mobilising on mass. I’m sure we’ll need to toast your final victory.”

Calder only waited for the door to shop to shut before he spoke. “That Elf definitely likes you.”
Mama nodded. “We’ve always been friendly. I did him a favour not long after arriving in Windhelm which he’s always been grateful for. It saved him from a disastrous misunderstanding.”
“I think his gratitude goes beyond friendly. Or at least he wants it to.”
“For his sake I hope you are wrong, seeing as he has no chance. The Jarl strikes me as the possessive type. Make sure you tell him I don’t plan to grant my favours to Revyn next time he asks you for a report on me. I wouldn’t want Revyn’s business to suffer. He helps several less fortunate residents in the…Calder? Are you alright?”
Mama’s tone had been so matter of fact Sofie had assumed without really thinking about it Mama had not been saying anything particularly unusual. Judging by Calder’s abrupt stop, wide eyes and white lips it appeared she was wrong.
“Is that what you think I am? A spy? I’m your housecarl, not his. I don’t give him reports on you!” Calder choked. Sofie assessed the situation as not yet alarming, but be wary. Right now Calder was upset, not angry but past experiences with other men had taught her that could change in a heartbeat. Mama wasn’t angry either, merely amused judging by her laugh.
“Oh really? He never asks you what I do? Who I talk to? What I say? What my opinions are?”
“Well, yes. But only because he is interested in you. You’re the Dragonborn and his Thane and his…um…”
“Special lady friend?” Mama suggested, still laughing.
Calder didn’t join in. “I’m not answering any of his questions anymore seeing as you think it’s spying.”
Mama stopped laughing. “Don’t. Keep answering his questions. I’m careful never do anything I don’t want him to know about.”
“A housecarl’s loyalty is to his Thane, not the Jarl who assigned them.”
“If you truly believe that, Calder, you had better keep telling the Jarl every single thing he asks you or he’ll reassign me a less loyal housecarl.”
“Is that what would happen on the Summerset Isles? This is Skyrim. We’re free here.”
“Alinor, Calder, not the Summerset Isles. Nobody who actually lives there calls it that. And at least in Alinor for better or worse everyone knows their place and all the expectations that come with it. Nobody is told how free they are and left to sprint blindly forward and impale themselves into their spiked cage.”
“That sounds painful,” Sofie remarked. Remembering the scar on Dolly’s stomach, Sofie wondered if it had happened to her.
“It can be fatal.” Mama paused. “Calder, as your Thane I want you to answer honestly every single question Jarl Ulfric asks you. I don’t want to risk losing you.”
Calder instantly stopped being upset and became cheerful.

His cheerfulness remained right throughout the whole process of turning the material into a credible outfit for Dolly, which was good as he had to help her with all the difficult sewing. Mama turned out to be completely useless with a needle. Calder was better, having actual experience from his Stormcloak days. When Stormcloaks had to travel or stay in distant forts and camps they couldn’t ask someone else to fix their clothes because there wasn’t anyone around to ask except other Stormcloaks.
The result was superb in Sofie’s eyes, too superb to spend long gazing in awed silence at Dolly. “Look, Mama! Didn’t Calder and I make a lovely dress for Dolly?”
“Yes, Sofie.”
“See how the skirt falls down to cover Dolly’s legs and tummy? Now the stitches in her stomach are hidden.”
“Yes, Sofie.”
“And Calder even managed to make her a little shawl to keep her arms warm!”
“Yes, Sofie.”
Despite Mama’s enthusiasm, Sofie felt unsatisfied with the level of general appreciation of Dolly’s new finery. “Can we go to the docks so I can show Shahvee? I haven’t visited her today.”
“Yes, Sofie.”
“Faire, you were listening weren’t you?” Calder muttered. “You just agreed to go to the docks to show an Argonian a doll.”
“I was listening. I’d like to pay a social call to Shahvee.”
“The Dragonborn paying a social call to a dockworker. Most of Windhelm would have a fit if they knew.”
“Let them. The Jarl never forbade me from visiting her. She gave me a lot of advice I needed about living in Windhelm when I first arrived nobody else would give me. I’m sorry I don’t have as much time to visit ever since the Dragonborn diagnosis.”
“As you wish, my Thane. But I swear, if Neetrenaza opens another conversation by saying he doesn’t care that Nords don’t appreciate him because he doesn’t appreciate them right back instead of hello, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
Mama laughed. “I’ll make you a deal. You stop me from being irresponsible if Stands-In-Shallows asks me to go steal him skooma and I’ll stop you being irresponsible if Neetrenaza decides to greet you with his racial prejudices.”

Shahvee gave one of her wide smiles when she saw them, without stopping her leather tanning. “I was wondering why you were taking a while to visit today, little one, and now I see why. Hello Faire, Calder. You must have just arrived back in Windhelm.”
“Late afternoon, actually. I…acquired an engagement in the evening and we had a few errands to perform today.” Mama returned the smile.
“Faire and I had quite the profitable trip. Morthal’s last Jarl had let a large vampire lair establish itself. The loot in that place was incredible. And this was on top of the spoils from liberating Hjaalmarch. I’m pretty sure none of Windhelm’s merchants have any gold left now we’ve been through.”
Sofie was watching Kit to make sure his enthusiastic nasal re-investigation of the docks wouldn’t have him wander too far away, which is why she was the first to notice Scouts-Many-Marshes sidling up. She expected him to join in the conversation, but all he seemed to want to do was listen.
“And to think you had no idea how to earn your living when you first arrived here. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on your face when I told you people would pay you to do their killing for them,” Shahvee kept smiling as she talked, but Mama stopped. “We won’t be here long. Our orders require us to leave Windhelm tomorrow.”
“Of course, you’re off to Haafinger.”
“Why yes. How did you know?” asked Mama.
“Well, the army is marching on Haafinger soon so it made sense. I hope you don’t mind I haven’t stopped tanning. The Shattershield’s leather order has become urgent now the entire army is on the verge of leaving Windhelm.”
“Look!” Sofie broke in. She didn’t want to talk about Mama and Calder leaving her alone to help the army take Haafinger, and anyway they were visiting Shahvee to talk about Dolly. “Mama gave me a doll she found in Hjaalmarch and Calder helped me make a dress for her. Isn’t she beautiful?”
Shahvee was suitably impressed. “My, she is. What a pretty little thing it is. What’s her name?”
“Dolly.”
“What a…um…suitable name for a doll,” Shahvee began.

She stopped as Kit galloped over to examine Shahvee’s pile of leather, but Neetrenaza snatched it up before he could touch it while Shahvee pushed him away. “No! The Shattershield’s will be furious if you chew these!”
Mama grabbed for Kit, who promptly jumped out of her arms. As the smell he wanted to pursue was in the opposite direction of Shahvee’s leather, past Scouts-Many-Marshes, Mama willingly let him go. “Oh, good afternoon Scouts-Many-Marshes. I hadn’t realised you were there. I understand we have you to thank for giving Sofie her new pet. How did he manage to fall in the river?”
There was a subtle relaxing of Scouts-Many-Marshes posture, as if he was relieved. “I’m not sure. I didn’t see it fall in.”
Mama watched Kit jumping into a pile of discarded fishing nets. “I suppose it must have been a moment of carelessness.” Mama kept watching as Kit kept wriggling deeper into the pile of fishing nets in a nasal paradise. “Maybe several moments of carelessness.”
“I wouldn’t rule out stupidity,” Calder said as the inevitable happened and Kit got himself hopelessly caught.
Sofie went to free him while Mama spoke. “I can’t disagree. It doesn’t look like intelligence will ever be a strength of Kit’s but oh well. It doesn’t need to be. He’s affectionate. That’s what’s important to Sofie.”
“It’ll be good for her having a pet. She gets lonely when you’re both gone.”
Sofie glanced at Mama to see what her reaction to Shahvee’s speech was. It was a pinched expression before sighing and shooting an angry glance at Calder. “I know she does. But when the Jarl gives me orders I have to go, and I can hardly take a child with me into dragon infested enemy territory, can I? And Calder won’t stay with Sofie because he is sure the Jarl doesn’t trust me to be a good little elf when I’m out of his sight.”
“Faire! He trusts me to keep you safe while you are in dragon infested enemy territory which I can’t exactly do if I stay in Windhelm, can I? And you don’t just need me for protection. You need me to hold you down whenever your dragon takes over.”
Neetrenaza snickered. “Does the noble leader of Stormcloaks know you hold down his Dragonborn when you are out of his sight?”
The question seemed pointless but harmless to Sofie, but Mama and Calder didn’t agree, judging by the way they both glared at Neetrenaza. It didn’t seem to upset the Argonian, who only snickered more. “Of course he does. Jarl Ulfric trained with the Greybeards. He knows what Dragonborn’s are capable of when they lose control. You’d better hope Calder is there to hold me down if you are ever around when my dragon takes over. It doesn’t always distinguish between enemy and innocent bystander.”
“Well as long as his high and mightiness doesn’t mind he isn’t the only one who gets to hold you down I suppose it’s alright,” Neetrenaza said with an air of gravity that rang false to Sofie, despite not fully understanding the undercurrents of the conversation.
“He doesn’t ‘hold me down’. I don’t fight him. Considering what happened to him during the war it would be suicide for anyone of my race to do anything that could be construed as aggression to him.”
Sofie finished untangling Kit. Kit had enjoyed being handled so much he decided to stay snuggled into her arms as she walked back to the adults.
“At least you aren’t an Argonian,” Neetrenaza said. “Nord’s don’t appreciate Argonians but so what. I don’t appreciate them right back.”
Mama grabbed hold of Calder’s arm, all the annoyance melting out of her posture to be replaced with mirth. “Don’t worry, Calder. I keep my promises.”
Calder became equally mirthful. “Well thank goodness you were here to keep me responsible.”

Both of them started giggling hysterically, still looking at each other while the Argonian’s stared in blank confusion at them both, although Shahvee’s expression slowly changed to troubled. “Oh dear,” she whispered, so quietly Mama and Calder didn’t hear over their laughing. “How did you know, Neetz?”
“I didn’t. I thought I was teasing.” Neetrenaza spoke as quietly.
“Do you think Ulfric knows?” Shahvee said. “Or would mind if he knew?”
“I doubt he knows or Calder wouldn’t be her housecarl right now,” said Scouts-Many-Marshes.
Neetrenaza rolled his eyes. “Of course would mind if he knew. He’s a nobleman and a Nord. Have you ever known either to share?”
Scouts-Many-Marshes put a hand on Shahvee’s shoulder. “Don’t try get involved. I know you like her but the circles she moves in now are too dangerous for our kind. Let them decide what they are going to do without advice.”
“My apologies,” Mama said, regaining her serious expression better than Calder. “It’s just a silly joke of ours. I won’t bore you explaining it. It isn’t worth the effort. Does Torbjorn still pay you the higher rate he promised?”
“Yes, he does.” A smile flickered across Scouts-Many-Marshes face. “Now the Blood Horkers are out of business we have a lot more work as well. You helped my people greatly both ways.”
Calder finally managed to control his chuckling and participate in the conversation. “You were involved in taking down Haldyn?”
Mama nodded. “Not long after I arrived in Windhelm. It was before the Dragonborn thing came out which meant I was desperate for septims.”
“I hadn’t realized you were part of that force. That explains the time those Blood Horker’s attacked us. How did you get involved in that?”

After Mama finished the story she said it was time to go home for dinner, it was lovely to see all three of you but we mustn’t interrupt your work for too long. Calder bought back tomato soup from Candlehearth Hall. The knowledge that tomorrow she was going to be alone again became harder to bury as the day drew to a close. It seemed like they’d barely started playing dice before Mama said it was bedtime and took her upstairs. Sofie refused to let herself be tucked in after she’d been changed because it would have meant letting go of Mama. Mama didn’t object to Sofie clinging to her while she was reading a story and singing a lullaby, neither of which Sofie heard. Even after she’d finished, Mama just sat there with Sofie for a long time, but not long enough. Eventually she spoke in a voice which was half speech, half sigh. “I have to go, Sofie. The Jarl is waiting for me.”
Sofie didn’t let go. “Why is he always taking you away? I don’t want you to go to the palace. Or Solitude.”
“I can’t say I particularly want to go to either place but he’s the Jarl of Windhelm and here I’m nobody here. What he wants is what happens. That’s the way the world is. Please let go.” When Sofie did not Mama started to forcibly unwind her arms from her waist. “I promise my next visit will be a longer one,” Mama said as she got off the bed and pushed the silently protesting Sofie back down. “He seems receptive to the idea of me staying home more once the war is over and the dragons are gone. Goodbye Sofie. I’ll come back home as soon as I can. I leave you because I have to, not because I want to. I’m sorry but I really have to go now.” Mama left the room at a speed perilously close to a run. Sofie lay on her bed, wishing she hadn’t gone yet. She hasn’t gone yet. Mama has to put on her blue dress before she sees the Jarl. She’ll be in her bedroom now.

Slipping inside Mama’s bedroom was easier than Sofie had anticipated. Mama was facing her wardrobe and never saw the door opening. Sofie knew how to be quiet, so shutting it and slipping underneath the bed was done efficiently. If Mama knew she was there Sofie would only be taken back to bed. Being with Mama if Mama didn’t know she was there still counted as not being alone. Mama raced around the room, letting her clothes fall randomly on the floor while she pulled on her dress and tried to tie the back laces by herself as she muttered some words Sofie was sure she’d be in trouble over if she repeated them. Her footsteps were fast as they headed out the door, but stopped suddenly. “Calder? What is it? I have to go. The Jarl’s waiting.”
“Do you really want to go? Sometimes I think you don’t like him.”
“The Jarl’s given me no reason to dislike him. He’s very generous. Sofie and I began living better after he decided he wanted me. He’s willing to be another shield between me and the Aldmeri Dominion as well, which is nothing to throw away lightly. I need all the shields between me and the Thalmor I can get.”
“Could you please tell me what you did? It’s hard being one of the shields without all the information.”
“I didn’t do anything.” When Calder sighed, Mama added in a slightly more anxious voice. “Don’t look like that, I wasn’t putting you off. I was telling you. I didn’t do anything myself. My mother did. The Investigators who came to the country house I lived in said she’d been found guilty of treason. I belong to a traitorous bloodline now so I need to be purged.”
“Just because of something your mother did? That’s barbaric!”
“And an effective deterrent. Nobody wants their bloodline eliminated. Although I imagine they now also want me dead for what I did to those Investigators. I doubt I qualify for my purging to be swift now.”
“What did your mother do?”
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t seen her for years. I lived in our country house because she didn’t have much use for a child who couldn’t control herself. She probably made a grab for power which didn’t succeed. She was quite fearfully ambitious.”
“I did hear cut throat is not always an expression with the Thalmor’s top ranks.”
“It’s not.” There was a small pause before Mama spoke again. “I really have to go. I’m already late.”
“Faire…”
Sofie could tell from the sound of the rapidly retreating footsteps Mama didn’t stop to listen to whatever he wanted to say. Calder gave a heavy sigh at the distant sound of the door closing. From her vantage underneath the bed Sofie could see him picking up the clothes Mama had dropped and putting them away. After several minutes he left. Sofie took the chance to return to her own bed. Her pillow was wet when she fell asleep.

In the morning when Sofie woke up, the first thing she remember was she was alone. The only thing that stopped her weeping was feeling her hand still wrapped around Dolly and hearing Kit snuffling in his sleep by her bed. Focusing on picking a dress and combing her hair kept the tears at bay until she left Hjerim. Listening to Adonato and Stenvar talking about the Stormcloaks marching on Solitude was how she distracted her leaking eyes in Candlehearth Hall. When she went to Wuunferth for lesson’s he was busy writing on scrolls and didn’t notice her for fifteen minutes.
“You’re here already?” he said, pushing his hood back from his shadowed, bloodshot eyes. It was less alarming than it was normally was, his tone being more tired than crabby. When Sofie nodded he added: “You’d better leave. I’m too busy. I need to get these healing scrolls written before the army marches. Come back tomorrow. If Ulfric’s elf complains, she’ll soon find Ulfric values his army’s needs over his mistress’s fancies.”
Having lessons cancelled gave Sofie decidedly mixed feelings. Wuunferth, grumpy and full of difficult demands as his lessons were, was still at least someone who stopped her being alone for a major part of her day. She went straight to the docks to see Shahvee, her other failsafe against being alone. Shahvee gave her a brief smile without stopping her leather tanning. “I’m afraid I don’t have time to talk today, little one. I have to get this order finished before the army marches. Can you come back tomorrow?”

Sofie went back to Hjerim, where she would be alone, to cry.