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Chapter 23

(Evangeline POV)

After I stopped crying, Jace and I went to the library to talk somewhere neutral and comfortable. I had been there many times already, especially considering that I had been at the Institute for scarcely more than a week. I loved the library here, it reminded me of my own back home.

When we reached the library, Jace and I settled onto a plush red couch. He had his arm up over the back, and I settled against his side. It was nice to be so close to him during such a hard time for me. Jace’s body was strong and solid, and yet very comforting.

“What did you mean about ‘daddy issues’?” I asked, entwining my fingers with those of his free hand.

I tilted my head to look at him, and found that he was smiling wryly. “Well, you’re familiar with my situation, right?”

“Yes,” I said. “Isabelle explained it to me. Valentine, and thinking that Clary and you were brother and sister.”

“Did she explain the rest?”

“I suppose not,” I told him with a slight smile.

He returned it, but his eyes shifted to stare off into the distance. “It’s complicated, but essentially, I was raised to think I was the son of Michael Wayland. Then it turned out that I was raised by Valentine, as you know. He led me to believe that I was his son, even though my real father was Stephen Herondale. And yet… I don’t have any connection to the Herondales. The only one I ever really knew was cruel to me until she was on the brink of death. I feel more like the Lightwoods are my family, even if we’re not related by blood.”

“Wow. That must have been a lot to handle.” Instinctively, I leaned in closer to him.

“Yeah.” He began to play with my hair a bit using the hand he had draped across my shoulders, tangling and untangling his long fingers in my black curls. “I think most of my problems trace back to abandonment issues.”

I contemplated what he meant by ‘problems’. Could it have to do with his willingness to cheat? I felt abruptly aware of the way we were sitting. Anyone passing by would have thought we were a couple. Were we? It was so confusing. “That’s awful.”

One of his shoulders moved up into a light shrug. “It’s okay. I’m dealing with it.” For a few blissful seconds, I let myself relax into his calming touch as he held me and played with my hair, just soaking in the peacefulness of it all. Then he started talking again, and I came back to reality. “How are you dealing with today’s news?”

“It doesn’t feel right,” I confessed. “Maybe it’s just because I don’t want him to be my father, but… It doesn’t seem real.”

Jace nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. I could tell that Clary wasn’t my actual sister, somehow. It was just like you described, it didn’t feel right.”

“Do you think that Mr. Windspear is my father, Jace?”

“Truthfully?” I gave a slight nod, so he continued. “Well… From what I know, it’s possible but it doesn’t seem plausible. You’re far too beautiful to have that man’s genes, for one.”

I felt myself blushing as I glanced demurely at the floor. “Thanks,” I choked out, to the accompaniment of Jace’s laugh. “But you really think so?”

“Yeah. Plus, there’s something off about him. I can’t place it, but something’s not right.”

“I noticed the same thing,” I said, thinking about the encounter we’d all had with him. It made me sigh sadly. “I really don’t want to live with him.”

“And you don’t have to,” Jace told me firmly. “Even if I have to protect you by myself.”

That got me thinking about the two of us, even though on some level I was touched by his sweetness. I had to tread lightly… “How do you see us, Jace?”

“What?” He was noticeably taken aback. “In what way?”

“Well, you said earlier tonight that you ‘needed’ me, and you’re paying me compliments, and we kissed several times. And now, you’ve got your arm around me and you’re playing with my hair.”

“I’m not going to deny any of that,” he acknowledged, still playing with my hair. I took that as a good sign. “But… I’m going to be honest with you, Evangeline. I’m confused. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m very drawn to you, but a part of me misses Clary and another part is telling me that you’re both way too good for me, and that I’ll just end up hurting everyone even more.”

I thought about it. Did I even want a relationship with Jace when I knew he had cheated on his last girlfriend (and worse, with me)? I was torn, too. I was drawn to Jace and his passion, but I was also strangely drawn to Simon. “That’s not true. You won’t hurt everyone.”

“Earlier tonight, when we were kissing, I was being incredibly selfish. I wanted you for myself, in every way.” I shivered slightly at the thought of it, intrigued but nonetheless intimidated. “Even though I knew that it wasn’t fair to you, I was going to try to make you mine. But now I feel closer to you personally, and that’s why I haven’t kissed you again since. I don’t want to take advantage of you like that.”

“Thank you for being honest,” I told him. “I like that we had a real conversation, just the two of us. I want to get to know you better, but…” I searched for the right words mentally. “I think we should just try to be friends for now.” Was it even possible? Was I being ridiculous?

Jace smiled at me in that beautiful way of his. “I’d like that." He moved his arm from my shoulder and I was afraid that he was pulling away for good, but then I saw him holding his arms open for me. “Friends?”

I leaned into his embrace, content with the way this had gone. Because really, my romantic ventures with Jace scared me. Whenever we kissed, I had no control over what I was doing and it was like something was possessing me. Getting to know each other as friends would be great, and would hopefully clear up all the confusion in my love life. A girl could only hope. Besides, he and Clary were probably meant to be.

(Clary POV)

Simon ended up staying overnight with me like he had so many times before. The fact that we’d made out a few hours earlier didn’t even come up, which was one of the things I loved about Simon. He was remarkably normal.

At one point, we started discussing Jace. I realized that I wanted to try talking things over with him again, without Simon and Evangeline there. Simon fully supported the idea and even gave me tips on how to go about “asking Jace out”, as if I’d never done that before.

Eventually, the conversation topic turned to Evangeline and how she and Simon had been on a date. “Are you also going to have a do-over date?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I think so,” said Simon, stroking his chin contemplatively. “I mean, I really like Evangeline from what little I know of her, and I think we have interesting chemistry together. What do you think?”

For whatever reason, I felt slight jealousy stirring. But that couldn’t be right… “I think that’s great!” I said supportively, squashing my strange feeling. “You should go for it.”

“You know, I think I will!”

I was so proud of Simon that I reached forward and, meaning to hug him, accidentally knocked him onto the ground. We both laughed at my clumsiness and hugged like that, and I was once again reminded why Simon was such a great friend.

Description
Chapter 23

(Evangeline POV)

After I stopped crying, Jace and I went to the library to talk somewhere neutral and comfortable. I had been there many times already, especially considering that I had been at the Institute for scarcely more than a week. I loved the library here, it reminded me of my own back home.

When we reached the library, Jace and I settled onto a plush red couch. He had his arm up over the back, and I settled against his side. It was nice to be so close to him during such a hard time for me. Jace’s body was strong and solid, and yet very comforting.

“What did you mean about ‘daddy issues’?” I asked, entwining my fingers with those of his free hand.

I tilted my head to look at him, and found that he was smiling wryly. “Well, you’re familiar with my situation, right?”

“Yes,” I said. “Isabelle explained it to me. Valentine, and thinking that Clary and you were brother and sister.”

“Did she explain the rest?”

“I suppose not,” I told him with a slight smile.

He returned it, but his eyes shifted to stare off into the distance. “It’s complicated, but essentially, I was raised to think I was the son of Michael Wayland. Then it turned out that I was raised by Valentine, as you know. He led me to believe that I was his son, even though my real father was Stephen Herondale. And yet… I don’t have any connection to the Herondales. The only one I ever really knew was cruel to me until she was on the brink of death. I feel more like the Lightwoods are my family, even if we’re not related by blood.”

“Wow. That must have been a lot to handle.” Instinctively, I leaned in closer to him.

“Yeah.” He began to play with my hair a bit using the hand he had draped across my shoulders, tangling and untangling his long fingers in my black curls. “I think most of my problems trace back to abandonment issues.”

I contemplated what he meant by ‘problems’. Could it have to do with his willingness to cheat? I felt abruptly aware of the way we were sitting. Anyone passing by would have thought we were a couple. Were we? It was so confusing. “That’s awful.”

One of his shoulders moved up into a light shrug. “It’s okay. I’m dealing with it.” For a few blissful seconds, I let myself relax into his calming touch as he held me and played with my hair, just soaking in the peacefulness of it all. Then he started talking again, and I came back to reality. “How are you dealing with today’s news?”

“It doesn’t feel right,” I confessed. “Maybe it’s just because I don’t want him to be my father, but… It doesn’t seem real.”

Jace nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. I could tell that Clary wasn’t my actual sister, somehow. It was just like you described, it didn’t feel right.”

“Do you think that Mr. Windspear is my father, Jace?”

“Truthfully?” I gave a slight nod, so he continued. “Well… From what I know, it’s possible but it doesn’t seem plausible. You’re far too beautiful to have that man’s genes, for one.”

I felt myself blushing as I glanced demurely at the floor. “Thanks,” I choked out, to the accompaniment of Jace’s laugh. “But you really think so?”

“Yeah. Plus, there’s something off about him. I can’t place it, but something’s not right.”

“I noticed the same thing,” I said, thinking about the encounter we’d all had with him. It made me sigh sadly. “I really don’t want to live with him.”

“And you don’t have to,” Jace told me firmly. “Even if I have to protect you by myself.”

That got me thinking about the two of us, even though on some level I was touched by his sweetness. I had to tread lightly… “How do you see us, Jace?”

“What?” He was noticeably taken aback. “In what way?”

“Well, you said earlier tonight that you ‘needed’ me, and you’re paying me compliments, and we kissed several times. And now, you’ve got your arm around me and you’re playing with my hair.”

“I’m not going to deny any of that,” he acknowledged, still playing with my hair. I took that as a good sign. “But… I’m going to be honest with you, Evangeline. I’m confused. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m very drawn to you, but a part of me misses Clary and another part is telling me that you’re both way too good for me, and that I’ll just end up hurting everyone even more.”

I thought about it. Did I even want a relationship with Jace when I knew he had cheated on his last girlfriend (and worse, with me)? I was torn, too. I was drawn to Jace and his passion, but I was also strangely drawn to Simon. “That’s not true. You won’t hurt everyone.”

“Earlier tonight, when we were kissing, I was being incredibly selfish. I wanted you for myself, in every way.” I shivered slightly at the thought of it, intrigued but nonetheless intimidated. “Even though I knew that it wasn’t fair to you, I was going to try to make you mine. But now I feel closer to you personally, and that’s why I haven’t kissed you again since. I don’t want to take advantage of you like that.”

“Thank you for being honest,” I told him. “I like that we had a real conversation, just the two of us. I want to get to know you better, but…” I searched for the right words mentally. “I think we should just try to be friends for now.” Was it even possible? Was I being ridiculous?

Jace smiled at me in that beautiful way of his. “I’d like that." He moved his arm from my shoulder and I was afraid that he was pulling away for good, but then I saw him holding his arms open for me. “Friends?”

I leaned into his embrace, content with the way this had gone. Because really, my romantic ventures with Jace scared me. Whenever we kissed, I had no control over what I was doing and it was like something was possessing me. Getting to know each other as friends would be great, and would hopefully clear up all the confusion in my love life. A girl could only hope. Besides, he and Clary were probably meant to be.

(Clary POV)

Simon ended up staying overnight with me like he had so many times before. The fact that we’d made out a few hours earlier didn’t even come up, which was one of the things I loved about Simon. He was remarkably normal.

At one point, we started discussing Jace. I realized that I wanted to try talking things over with him again, without Simon and Evangeline there. Simon fully supported the idea and even gave me tips on how to go about “asking Jace out”, as if I’d never done that before.

Eventually, the conversation topic turned to Evangeline and how she and Simon had been on a date. “Are you also going to have a do-over date?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I think so,” said Simon, stroking his chin contemplatively. “I mean, I really like Evangeline from what little I know of her, and I think we have interesting chemistry together. What do you think?”

For whatever reason, I felt slight jealousy stirring. But that couldn’t be right… “I think that’s great!” I said supportively, squashing my strange feeling. “You should go for it.”

“You know, I think I will!”

I was so proud of Simon that I reached forward and, meaning to hug him, accidentally knocked him onto the ground. We both laughed at my clumsiness and hugged like that, and I was once again reminded why Simon was such a great friend.