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tax-chan — penny candy petty fighting
Published: 2002-08-23 04:33:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 118; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description
Gingerbread girl(friend)Cinnamon kick to the teeth
Break me in half,
Bright Gretel and wonderful Hansel,
The both of you can
Devour me incompletely
And fight over my candy heart.
Possession of the sweet consolation
At cost to my sugar-swirled hair,
Limbs,
Chocolate-clothed body,
Sentient mind inside a sugar shell.
Possession of the
Last
Candy
You'll ever spend a penny on.
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Comments: 10
03 you are officially my favorite deviant of all time. You're a staunch anti-flowist. hehehe that rocks.
Oh the poem is too abstract ground it. You have a string of metaphorical images but either the meaning of those metaphors is implied and I missed it or else it's not in the poem.
Now I could guess but I refuse, the reader should never be forced to guess. Ever.
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I like the way it flows. And it kinda made me hungry too.
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This is excellent... I love the flow, and... well the total package, very well done
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actually, it kinda reminds me of that hyper tense rotting feeling you get when you eat too much sugar. "doesn't flow well.." how many gazillions of times have i read that on DA? maybe 3 gazillion. people say it about photos, paintings, writing, anything. it makes no sense to me. flows like water? like cotton candy out of the machine? golly, i'm stumped. maybe it's because i stopped smoking pot, all of a sudden nothing has to flow for me anymore. "dude i loooove the way it flooows." i was just reading Dante's Inferno. Dante rocks the hizzowz. but there's no "flow". it's genius but it doesn't do dat de do dat flow. flow is overrated. i'm anti-flow. i'm a an anti-flower. i'm a staunch supporter of the anti-flowist movement. grunk. there's too much sugar in my coffee...
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Yeah, the horrid structure was a bit of the point- it's not exactly an easy thing, to be eaten alive.... Guess I shouldv'e noted that in the description, my bad. But thanks for the comment anyway
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Cute, yes. It doesn't flow very well tho imo.. the choppy structure and all..
Nice job tho
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