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tax-chan — Chromique- collab v2
Published: 2002-05-27 16:17:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 117; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 9
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Description
Everything isChrome
In the future.
Silvered finger in the Akihabara,
Reaching out for salvation
In the form of
An oilslick rainbow of colors and ambition
Swirling on the surface of
A thousand chrome-plated faces.
Just as many nickel-plated hearts
Thrumming on a single
Commercial rhythm.
Everything is
Chrome
In the future,
Even the rain,
Congregating slick and chromed on mirrored puddles
Reflecting back the tarnished steel sky.
Fifty, a hundred and fifty, five hundred years from now,
Silver is a feeling, slick and fluid,
Chromique emotion is the selling point because
Everything is
Chrome
In the future.
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Comments: 11
love it. it's boss. it is a lot more polished than v.1. his half better be able to hold up it's end. nice work. keep the line about cell phones from v.1 to use in something else though, i thought that was very neotokyo. super cool stuff tax.
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So I take it the second one is it?
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I have space aliens in my basement
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yeparoo
cant say more than that, other than you own me 'n stuff
peace
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dude, it's amazing now!!!! I love it!!!
The ONLY thing I would change...
get rid of the word "is" in this line:
Chromique emotion is the selling point because
Good work and keep em coming!!
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hmmmmm
i'm getting a greyscale, pink highlights kind of japanesey feel to this
it'll be interesting
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{++trendwhorekud.com :: [link]
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Thanks to all of you loverly people
And blackhalo....something I do a lot is squish words into one because I think it looks better. So yeah, if it wasn't a word before (and I don't think it was), it is now! Heh. But thanks for your comments....I'll be using them when I tweak the final.
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I have space aliens in my basement
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hmm.. usually don't read poems but this one is great...
this one feels inspiering...
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And they lived happily ever after...
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wow....what a depressing veiw of the future. but this had to be some of the most fantastic imagery i have seen in a poem in some time. i loved the chrome rain and reflective puddles. i could see your "future" perfectly. and i loved the nickel plated hearts, showing that its not only our earth that is destroyed by human progression. nice peice.
i dont think "oilslick" is a word is it? ^_^ i actually skipped it on the first read b/c i thot it was just sum word i didnt know. and then the "commercial rythym" pops out of nowhere. i imagined a lethargic, grey world of steel and chrome. i thought nothing of commercialism.....it caught me offgaurd. finally...im not sure if i like the repetition at the end...it makes it seem a little...iono childish.
but dont take the revisions as a sign that its even slightly not good because i love it! i loved the idea and the imagery! great work
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Great imagery. I hope it's a future we can avoid.
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Knowledge is Power. Arm Yourselves!
..:: ArtPolitic ::..
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i'm not good with poetry but i understood as much that i can relate this to city life.
nice poem.
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