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sliverofciel — infeasible
Published: 2010-07-05 06:35:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 832; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 5
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Description you cup the budding moon
with the slick of your thighs; you
parse the sun in bubble-bloom
thoughts and

clustered stars cling to the
tuliptree roots of your
collar bone:

that delicate ridge that ether fall.



i want to touch coral cheeks
and grind sweatdrops created by
the friction of our bodies
until pearl dust
settles in your laugh lines,

entangle ankles that
fit like sepia in a locket— last year
laid bare against copper
hearts, raw sentiment
oozing from our
talus bones.

i want (you)
your moonstone skeleton

your deep daffodil smile.



dandelion chimes blow
and this snow-weed silence
is what i come to associate
with the

yeses you utter,
flotsam wrists spread like
the undoing of a mobius strip:

impossible, lovely.
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Comments: 21

Is-lnds [2011-05-07 05:12:17 +0000 UTC]

i want to touch coral cheeks
and grind sweatdrops created by
the friction of our bodies
until pearl dust
settles in your laugh lines,

+

i want (you)
your moonstone skeleton

your deep daffodil smile.

...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ScribbledNotes [2010-12-08 02:27:24 +0000 UTC]

lovely

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to ScribbledNotes [2010-12-08 05:28:09 +0000 UTC]

thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Chaues [2010-12-07 17:57:23 +0000 UTC]

I've always admired lyric poetry, as someone who cannot perform it myself. At least, not well. That being said, it's pretty hard to critique something you cannot match, but I can say some of the lines work on a higher level than the others. The stanza:

i want to touch coral cheeks
and grind sweatdrops created by
the friction of our bodies
until pearl dust
settles in your laugh lines,

is to me the crux, as it demonstrates an action between the two people, rather than simply being a description of the object of affection, and as such creates the most vivid imagery, I loved it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to Chaues [2010-12-08 05:28:30 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaues In reply to sliverofciel [2010-12-08 05:37:07 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure

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saturnineguise [2010-08-17 02:32:34 +0000 UTC]

:yeses you utter,
flotsam wrists spread like
the undoing of a mobius strip:

impossible, lovely.:


i know this kind of love

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DamagedHomewrecker [2010-08-17 01:50:16 +0000 UTC]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i loveeeeeeeeeeee this sooooo much!!!!!!!!! the imagery is so vibrant, unique, vivid...i love how you put the words together! this is absolutely beautitfullllll

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

toxic-nebulae [2010-08-17 01:43:47 +0000 UTC]

This has been featured here: [link]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

archelyxs [2010-07-09 01:11:23 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this is absolutely beautiful.
I'm really impressed with your imagery and the effortless way
you put such lovely combinations of words together!
I hope the person who you wrote this for
will get to read it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

toxic-nebulae [2010-07-05 16:54:42 +0000 UTC]

The flow is perfect, and I love the imagery. Lovely.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to toxic-nebulae [2010-07-05 18:26:59 +0000 UTC]

thanks <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

toxic-nebulae In reply to sliverofciel [2010-07-05 20:13:10 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ElysianWings [2010-07-05 14:09:13 +0000 UTC]

I agree with all the comments already given, and I would add that I love it as well. It's very original , and so nicely written.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to ElysianWings [2010-07-05 18:26:52 +0000 UTC]

thank you <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Enigmatic-Infelicity [2010-07-05 12:30:35 +0000 UTC]

wow, this is very well written

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to Enigmatic-Infelicity [2010-07-05 18:26:38 +0000 UTC]

thanks [

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

williamfdevault [2010-07-05 08:04:46 +0000 UTC]

And you express that well. Nicely done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to williamfdevault [2010-07-05 18:26:29 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

toxic-scheherazade [2010-07-05 07:36:10 +0000 UTC]

This is just beautiful.
All the metaphors and imagery are incredible, love this!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sliverofciel In reply to toxic-scheherazade [2010-07-05 18:26:22 +0000 UTC]

thanks! <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0