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The Pyromaniac's Release~~~My father

About four years ago, my father baught some fireworks for me and my family to set off during the 4th of July. He bought a BIG pack of about fifty fireworks. A few days later, we decide to lite some of them out in our backyard. We make sure to set it up in a clear spot, so not to set off any fires. Not having any stones around or anything else nonflamable for that matter, to set the fireworks off on, my father pulls over a wheelchair of my late grandmother, and places a board over it to protect the whellchair. He tries to use a cigarrette lighter, but unfortunately it wouldn't work. That's when he went to the next best thing, a grill igniter. He begins to set off some of the fireworks on the thing, and finally runs into one that won't go off. What does my father do? He tries to set it off by putting the igniter to the bottom of the firework, of course that's everyone in their right mind does *wink*. Fortunately for him, the firework wouldn't go off, so we made sure that it wouldn't set off later and tossed it. After that, my father set off a few more fireworks but saved the best for the 4th of July. When that special day comes, my father has us sit in our front yard to watch the final fireworks spectacular of my father. Let me tell you, our front yard is FULL of trees that are DEAD and readily FLAMABLE!! But that's only the beginning. Next, my father sets up the hazardous whellchair "table" and begins the fireworks show. Unbeknownst to him, some of the final fireworks were noise makers and shot off more sparkles than the previous ones. He finds one of the noisiest ones and sets it off, scaring him half to death, and almost getting his arm caught on fire. Still, that doesn't stop him from setting off others, which almost set off the chair. Me and my mother were just staring at my father laughing at his feeble attempts to make sure he could set off all the fireworks without combusting himself. He continued this until no more fireworks were left, leaving me to have this wonderful memory of his complete and total stupidity....

The Squirrels, They ATTACK!!!~~~Aunt and uncle

Around the same time, my aunt and uncle had a swimming pool that was great to well swim in. They sometimes left some food out for the cats that roam around their house. Well, the food was getting eaten, but not by the cats. It was getting eaten by squirrels. They left the food near the pool so that the cats could always find it, and near the pool was a pavilion which the cats could stay under when it rained or snowed. When those squirrels were eating the food, they began to dig near the pool for no apparent reason. Not knowing this, my aunt and uncle continued swimming and continued to fuel the squirrels with yummy treats. One day, the pool started to lose a couple of inches of water. Thinking it was only the sun evaporating it, they refilled the pool up. The next day, the pool had even less water. Still thinking it was evaporation, they filled it back up again. Finally, that night as the squirrels weakened the bottom of the pool just enough, the pool leaked all over their yard. The following day they awoke to that disaster and finally noticed the squirrels and the hole that was made near the pool. Having no more use for the pool, they dismanteled it and put a little hut there for the squirrels. When they go over there, the squirrels great them with loads of hunger and eat pleantiful. They really didn't get mad at the squirrrels as they explained, "Oh, we were going to get rid of that pool anyways because it was always getting annoying to continuously having to clean it and keep up the filter." Seriously, my whole family is this lazy and this strange....

Description
The Pyromaniac's Release~~~My father

About four years ago, my father baught some fireworks for me and my family to set off during the 4th of July. He bought a BIG pack of about fifty fireworks. A few days later, we decide to lite some of them out in our backyard. We make sure to set it up in a clear spot, so not to set off any fires. Not having any stones around or anything else nonflamable for that matter, to set the fireworks off on, my father pulls over a wheelchair of my late grandmother, and places a board over it to protect the whellchair. He tries to use a cigarrette lighter, but unfortunately it wouldn't work. That's when he went to the next best thing, a grill igniter. He begins to set off some of the fireworks on the thing, and finally runs into one that won't go off. What does my father do? He tries to set it off by putting the igniter to the bottom of the firework, of course that's everyone in their right mind does *wink*. Fortunately for him, the firework wouldn't go off, so we made sure that it wouldn't set off later and tossed it. After that, my father set off a few more fireworks but saved the best for the 4th of July. When that special day comes, my father has us sit in our front yard to watch the final fireworks spectacular of my father. Let me tell you, our front yard is FULL of trees that are DEAD and readily FLAMABLE!! But that's only the beginning. Next, my father sets up the hazardous whellchair "table" and begins the fireworks show. Unbeknownst to him, some of the final fireworks were noise makers and shot off more sparkles than the previous ones. He finds one of the noisiest ones and sets it off, scaring him half to death, and almost getting his arm caught on fire. Still, that doesn't stop him from setting off others, which almost set off the chair. Me and my mother were just staring at my father laughing at his feeble attempts to make sure he could set off all the fireworks without combusting himself. He continued this until no more fireworks were left, leaving me to have this wonderful memory of his complete and total stupidity....

The Squirrels, They ATTACK!!!~~~Aunt and uncle

Around the same time, my aunt and uncle had a swimming pool that was great to well swim in. They sometimes left some food out for the cats that roam around their house. Well, the food was getting eaten, but not by the cats. It was getting eaten by squirrels. They left the food near the pool so that the cats could always find it, and near the pool was a pavilion which the cats could stay under when it rained or snowed. When those squirrels were eating the food, they began to dig near the pool for no apparent reason. Not knowing this, my aunt and uncle continued swimming and continued to fuel the squirrels with yummy treats. One day, the pool started to lose a couple of inches of water. Thinking it was only the sun evaporating it, they refilled the pool up. The next day, the pool had even less water. Still thinking it was evaporation, they filled it back up again. Finally, that night as the squirrels weakened the bottom of the pool just enough, the pool leaked all over their yard. The following day they awoke to that disaster and finally noticed the squirrels and the hole that was made near the pool. Having no more use for the pool, they dismanteled it and put a little hut there for the squirrels. When they go over there, the squirrels great them with loads of hunger and eat pleantiful. They really didn't get mad at the squirrrels as they explained, "Oh, we were going to get rid of that pool anyways because it was always getting annoying to continuously having to clean it and keep up the filter." Seriously, my whole family is this lazy and this strange....