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satinzminion — me
Published: 2003-05-11 12:08:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 153; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 6
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Description
The pain I feel, it hurts so badThe love I lack drives me completely mad
This feeling of certain complete emptiness
As i lay down my head- and collapse upon my bed
I will dream of never waking again
Dream of erasing all of this pain
But my dreams are jokes, they never come true
No matter how much I dream, no matter how much I do
Most people are frightened of hell
I must confess I was once aswell
Before my life became that exact thing- now I no longer wish to live
I fucking get nothing. NOTHING yet continue to give
This is a game where I can\'t win
There is no new start, no place to re-begin
I am a no hoper, an accident, a sin
I\'m not meant to be here, I never should\'ve come
If anybody deserves to die- believe me I am the one
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Comments: 6
I think a few of you are missing the point, it doesnt matter that the poem is fragmented and unfinished because that is precisley, in my opinion, the kind of emotions it should be creating. For me poetry is about using your words to make other people feel how you feel and when i read this i sure as hell felt sad and disorentated. Therefore, it is a very effective piece. Just because something doesnt conform or isnt happy to read doesnt mean it isnt excellent and effective. Fuck what anyone else says, write how you want because that is you, people dont have to read it but i know i will keep coming back.
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i'm sorry but first things first, write what the reader wants? HOW ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL! that's what writing is really about. but you know that. nice piece, although the unfinished thing kinda adds a bit to it though. like it muchly!
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This really needs work.
Try focusing more on what the reader wants to read.
Most readers do not want to read about how sad and/or angry you are.
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Have you ever considered the possibility that what at first appears to be insanity is the only way to be sane?
I agree with you, the poem isn't all that great, and it is unfinished in a sense. But, that's not what's important. You're focusing on all the negative facts that you see, which are there. However, you're missing the fact that you're getting more and more clarity with your interpretation of inspiration. It's a long and painful experience, but once you learn to tap your inspiration, you can start studying what it's teaching you. I understand what you're going through, and remember vividly how horribly you feel, but I can also tell you that it's well worth it, and that if I had to do it again, I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind.
Basically, what that rant is trying to say is, the end is definitely worth the means, as bad as it may seem right now.
Stay strong, keep writing, and someday you'll piece together the chaos into an explanation.
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the wording you have used in this has made the emotion written stand out and be heard... its a powerful piece and hope that the feelings portrayed in this arent accurate for one as talented as you should not want to die... keep up the good work...
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MATE! i feel your pain soooo fucking much!! check out my poems, i reckon you will connect with them straight away. I love this piece. instant Fav
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