Comments: 7
Geek-Chic17 [2011-05-01 18:00:33 +0000 UTC]
I really like this opening chapter. It gives a vibe of Mia and how she is seems to be always in control. I'm curious to see what she will do next.
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abouelse [2011-04-08 16:02:25 +0000 UTC]
I finally got some time to start reading through this. I like the way you throw in futuristic technology that the character takes for granted that we don't know about like it's just normal. Too many times, authors spend time explaining what a "laser lock" is when I get a good picture just from the name you've given it.
I hate to say too much until I get further in to the story, but I would have really liked to see an "attention grab" in here. Some kind of action early on that grabs the reader right away and hooks them. You are building a great foundation though and doing a good job of introducing us to this world you've created.
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DoIDare [2011-04-02 21:33:45 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, so I was half way through and I faved this because I just love it. Love the tone, love the setting, love the dialogue, love Mia. It's great! I'd buy it from the store.
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bellesfairytale [2011-03-20 14:54:59 +0000 UTC]
Wonderful beginning. I'm curious to know more about the world, what Mia found, and Zavier's involvement with the rebels. I think I came across one or two typos in the story (a were should've been where). I shall definitely be looking into more.
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djlayla95 [2011-02-22 19:38:34 +0000 UTC]
woaw, this is amazing *-*
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versailles6 [2011-02-16 22:13:47 +0000 UTC]
You excel at imagery in this piece. I'm pretty envious =o I could never paint a sci-fi world like that, but you do so very vividly, and give good descriptions of gadgets and tech advancements throughout the story. I really like the world this is set in, and Mia seems like a unique character. I think you've gone in a very creative direction with this story, and I'll check out the following chapters soon, looks like I'm way behind XD
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