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Russalad — Sketches of a Dying Woman
Published: 2014-07-01 14:21:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 618; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 2
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I do sketch a lot and I never put any sketches on here. I'm really sorry i haven't been putting up good paintings on here, but I'm just in a slump right now.This woman believe it or not is based off of the face of a dead person I saw in some Holocaust liberation footage. I was watching a very early documentary about it when i saw her/him. It was a close up of their face on a pile of bodies, so I don't know if this person was a girl or boy. I guess I should have known from what section of the camp (Bergen-Belson) that was being filmed, men's or women's camp, but it was edited in a way that you couldn't really know. But this person was on a huge pile of bodies that were kept in this room as apposed to outside; they were all so stick thin and it was horrible. I should know what i get myself into when i watch these pieces of footage, I've been doing this to myself ever since i was a kid in gradeschool: i pace around, get all weepy, and get real angry about some sort of anti-semetic shit that people say to me about my decision to be Jewish, and about what people say about Jewish people in general. Makes me want to do angry paintings of nazi flags burning and it makes me wanna yell, and flail around, and get all sensitive. It hurts my heart so much as it always has.
I figured drawing angry paintings wouldn't do any good so I'm drawing gentle sad sensitive things instead, and it feels more powerful to be honest. The person I saw, even in death, had a very interesting face that I could not capture, but I tried anyway. Didn't work, oh well. I drew a woman inspired by who ever they were, a woman who is very sickly and dying, but still very beautiful. Do i belong in hell? Yeah, I belong in hell--
but on a lighter note, I went to my synagogue on friday for the Shabbot service, and it was my first time there, so the Rabbi made me introduce myself and everyone was super duper nice to me. A very cute old lady in colorful garb gave me a glass lady bug for good luck. Another lady drank wine with me during the after service blessing, and offered to drive me home. My temple is very, very nice.
There was also this kid, who I guess was mentally handicapped, who kept looking over and laughing real loud at me and trying to get my attention. He was a sweet kid tho, sweet kid.
It was kind of embarrassing tho, cause I was the only person shuckling in a Reform synagogue. (shuckling is swaying back in forth while u pray, btw. It's usually done only by Chasidic or Orthodox Jews but whatever, i do what i want.)
I cry a lot in temple too. that;s cuz we gotta sing pretty songs with the Rabbi, and ever since i was a kid, singing pretty music out of my throat always made me cry for some reason, so the shuckling kind of helps with that.
all in all i love my new temple and plan to go every Shabbot to pray, cry, and drink wine with sweat ladies.
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Comments: 3
You know, I might be wrong but I don't think it's disrespectful to draw this woman. People seem to think that we shouldn't mention hurt and pain out of respect but sometimes it feels almost like ignoring it - everyone watching comfy happy stuff and eating snack food. And it's really easy to let this escalate - "don't draw dead people, don't draw sick people, don't draw disabled people, don't draw anyone who's not all big and successful". Start ignoring bad stuff and you'll ignore actual people you're trying to respect. I dunno, it's hard to put it to words but I think you know what I mean.
I wanted to go to a synagogue when I was a teen, all the time. But I'm not Jewish and honestly not even particularly religious, sort of agnostic or something, so I never got the courage to do it - I guess I was afraid of being a stranger or intrusive or something. But I'm glad you do it and I'm glad it's important for you.
I kinda wish I could draw you and that kid because I've been drawing mentally impaired kids all week and I find random strangers meeting adorable in some way (I remember a lot of people I only met once) but I don't know how either of you look. Either way, if I put a Jewish kid in Cop Story that'll be a tribute to this.
...aw man, you got me all emotional now.
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haha aww man thank you <3 yah i mean, i guess what i did here is okay. I'm not being disrespectful or anything, unlike a lot of my friends who make holocaust jokes to my face just to piss me off so.. perspective i guess.
Oh haha, i bet you could still go if you want to. Atleast in a Reform synagogue they don't even care if ur Jewish to sit in at services and stuff, and the whole experience is only religeous if u want it to be, its mostly just a lot of singing in Hebrew haha. I was scared at first too, because I'm what they call a Jew-by-Choice and i was super scared that they wouldn't accept me, but that wasnt the case. Reform synagogues are very open and friendly, any one can go in if u still wanna. It might be a bit boring tho lol
aww that's flattering yo, i appreciate it <3 u can if u wanna, it would make my heart giggle
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You know, sometimes you remind me of myself when I was your age - interested in art and history and politics and everything Jewish instead of pop stars and shoes and whatever, and passionate and sensitive and angry about it. I hate sounding like an old person but it'll get better - you'll find people who are able to respect and understand your views even if they don't share them and you'll learn to deal with others without getting too upset. I mean I still struggle with it but I was always wearing my heart on the sleeve around the end of high school and it hurt a lot. I still have problems now but they shifted or something.
(I mean damn, I realise not everyone has to be passionate about the same things, but both making jokes about millions of people suffering and dying AND making jokes just to hurt someone is pretty low...)
And thanks but I don't think it'll work for me now - a friend mentioned the UU churches yesterday, you know, the ones that accept all religions? And uh, that's a nice attitude, everyone welcome and respected but it made me see that I don't understand the point of any big gathering. I mean I'd love to be closer to people, to meet more new people but every time that talk about "community" starts I just want to stay away. I'm glad it helps some people but it doesn't seem to work for me and it seems disrespectful to go to any religious place with thoughts like that.
I think I'll figure out a character like that. I used to have this story (around high school, actually) about a Jewish kid and his father moving to a small hippy-dippy town to escape their past and it was mostly about all the eccentric people they meet (a bit like Cop Story, huh, also a huge cast and all). I don't remember most details and I doubt my doodles and notes survived and anyway, like we discussed before, it's often easier to create new stories instead of trying to fix old ones but it'll be fun to maybe revisit some of those themes in Cop Story. Especially since I know jack shit about British Jews, actually they might be the only group I've never seen mentioned in British stuff I read and watch - I'll learn something new as well!
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