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rainbowtohell — Water Spiders
Published: 2006-09-05 19:22:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 2003; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 45
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Description
I dream of Veronica & herspindly legs, soaking hair.
So many thoughts to put in prose
but poetry
makes the body so vulnerable,
opening itself in a showcase window,
crying: "Look at me!
Take me, but please, I beg,
don't make it hurt."
Your fingers are like
water spiders,
floating with the grace
humans
are too heavy to own.
My own tongue is not nearly as
quick
as your fast-witted eloquence
& elegance.
You laugh at me
when I tell you
you're beautiful,
but how else am I supposed
to infer to you
the awe
the bistre of your eyes
inflicts on me?
Brown may be
an ordinary color
but your eyes are
luminescent, irridescent,
glowing from some unfathomable heat.
Veronica first kissed me
when I was nine & shaking,
praying to God to forsake me
the years of burdened
responsibilities ahead.
I dreamt she was
bleeding
in my bathtub,
& in my dream I saved her.
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Comments: 61
wow im speechless..............that was amazing to me!
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O this, this is good.
I'm not feeling very "deep" right now or else I'd write something meaningful and praising, but believe me when I say that this one struck a chord. Excellent work!
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Thank you. It always means a lot to me when people appreciate what I write. You should elaborate sometime in the future.
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To be honest I can't quite pin it down, but the way the feelings it imparts evolve throughout the piece is very unique
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this gave me goosebumps..
your way of imagery is just amazing. I'm definately favoring this, I could read it over and over
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The phrase "unfathomable heat" seems nonsensical to me. I was reading the poem and that jumped out at me. Just thought I'd bring that to your attention.
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Thanks for your honest input! 
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I felt the flow of it was a little shaky at the very start, but after reading it I can't find what bothered me anymore.
Your message forced the words into submission.
maybe its cuz im more of a prose person, but I think it's AMAZING
me 
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This is fantastic work. I can't even put into words how wonderful this piece is.
I'd favorited it 5 times if I could.
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Thank you for your support, Veo!
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It's like hot coco. You have it randomly one night and absolutely love it. Then, for a while, you are happy with milk, water, alcohol or coffee...but then you have hot coco again, and wonder why you don't do it more often.
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Can we have sex one day?
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So many thoughts to put in prose
but poetry
makes the body so vulnerable,
opening itself in a showcase window,
crying: "Look at me!
Take me, but please, I beg,
don't make it hurt."
What did you wanted to express with that ?
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It was difficult to communicate with this particular lover. There was so much I would have liked to have told him in my infatuation, but I was afraid he wouldn't understand, that they would get lost in his cynical views, or that possibly he may not agree with them and would mock me for being so idealistic.
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Your word usage and simile use is amazing. That second stanza is killer.
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Thanks for your critique, insomaniac.
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I hadn't planned on commenting today since I've just been randomly browsing some poetry to try and get myself inspired to write something new but I just had to comment on this. I just think it's so beautiful and incredibly written. I haven't looked at anything else in your gallery but you are obviously very talented to be able to express something as well as you have here.
At first I didn't think I would enjoy the 'watery spiders' line as I perhaps considered it a very constructed (bad choice of words but still...) choice of words but after reading it in context it seems so effortless and fits so perfectly I feel bad for almost assuming it was so planned. For some reason I am in love with the second to last stanza. It's just gorgeous and seems so honest and open.
Anyway I'm sorry for rambling, haha I just felt I needed to salute you on such a great piece of work. I'll go away and be jealous now
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Thank you. I appreciate it.
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I just wanted to tell you (since I realized I hadn't commented *ashamed*) that this piece is incredible. The words that you use, the images you convey...how you take something as ordinary as fingers, or brown eyes, and turn them into something nearly mystical. And your pacing is brilliant as well. I think that you're a fantastic writer and that you most definitely deserved your feature.
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Thank you so much for your support!
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A belated
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Just noticed i hadnt faved this.
i apologise i certainly meant to ^_^
Keep up the amazing work!!!
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Congrats, you have been featured! [link]
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A very belated
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I suggested this for a poetry group here. Is that okay?
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Ah, yes. Thanks (belated.)
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Good god, in one day (for me) I think you've become my favorite poet on Deviant Art. This piece is enriched with the same gorgeous language and imagery as 'Into Your System', and that features the type of writing that drives me nuts with jealousy. Your abilities are something I aspire towards, and for you I break my limit of one favorite for one deviant in a given day. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
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Ah, thank you again!
I am mostly unconcerned with favorites - it's comments that I learn from, grow from. The number of favorites on a piece does not tell me Why people enjoyed it, or what I could do to possibly improve on it or on future pieces.
That having been said, thank you for the long comments you've given me. The appreciation is sincere.
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this is also an amazing poem. I really love your style. the title is perfect, too. first you don't know what to expect, but then you realize what an interesting image it is.
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