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r-sandbox — feel
Published: 2003-09-12 05:13:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 1360; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 312
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Description i felt you look my way
you made me like David
trapped by your beauty

i felt you move my way
i gave you love as strong as death
i hung my heart out on the line
strung it out for you
you never liked laundry

i felt you in my veins
a shot of heroin for the lonely
the analogy runs skin deep
isn't that how you wanted me?

i felt them crawl under my skin
the shadows of our memories
moments incomplete, fragmented snapshots
how can they be anything else
if they only run through one mind?

i felt you pull away
withdrawal of the romantic kind
it took me a while to leave this place
but not you
it took you a lifetime quicker

it's funny when you try to feel
you can't touch anything and
you're left numb
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Comments: 15

RachRoars [2003-10-30 05:10:34 +0000 UTC]

so sad, but thats gorgeous

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smearedxstars [2003-10-06 20:46:49 +0000 UTC]

wow. i really like that poem! i shall +fav to my er...favorite list? hm, anyhow, the laundry analogy was really cool and I like these kinds of poems that turn bitter in the end, seems like everything turns bitter in the end, doesn't it?

Much much later,
Katelyn

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icemoondrops [2003-10-05 04:07:58 +0000 UTC]

very nicely done and laid out!

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twisted-prophecy [2003-10-03 15:26:33 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm.. Are you for real? It is very rare to come across such a poem, of seeking salvation in abuse. Maybe we are blinded by the need to be in love, and never to feel lonely.. PErhaps, I do.. OUT-

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starryEYEDlife [2003-09-30 00:20:34 +0000 UTC]

It's great, I really like it. I really like the line 'withdrawl of the romantic kind'. Good job!

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mh-bollerup [2003-09-27 18:25:04 +0000 UTC]

nice... love the pictures you're painting... i really like the mood...

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nitemaregargoyle [2003-09-25 21:20:13 +0000 UTC]

Wow... thsi is crazy. I feel this EXACT same way right now, as something similar has just happened. Excellent.. I like your measure.

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Emilystrange123 [2003-09-23 21:32:26 +0000 UTC]

I like this...it sounds like lyrics.

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0scen [2003-09-20 19:30:36 +0000 UTC]

just beautiful and deep.. congratulations!

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vistonie-dravnos [2003-09-19 00:26:46 +0000 UTC]

nice piece... very well spoken... the words just slip away so wonderfully

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closedmind [2003-09-18 00:13:40 +0000 UTC]

awesome work. i feel it
loved these lines

the shadows of our memories
moments incomplete, fragmented snapshots

pure and perfect

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pfoj [2003-09-17 06:47:44 +0000 UTC]

amazing bri.. this is totally mindblowing stuff... it gets wittier and wittier down the line... i can truly say i feel this kind of stuff... she'll change, whoever, whatever and whenever she is. but you'll be for the better.

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ghadskull [2003-09-17 04:05:20 +0000 UTC]

wow, the line that says

strung it out for you
you never liked laundry

is great, love the word usage and setup there!
Awesome Job!

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lifefucu [2003-09-13 22:37:25 +0000 UTC]

Incredible

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notrust [2003-09-13 00:17:53 +0000 UTC]

very nicely done, especially the last stanza

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