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Nalxte — Cease
Published: 2005-03-02 03:57:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 68; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
Lying on the ceiling,staring down,
unblinkingly,
at myself, sprawled across the glass.
Lying to the voices,
coming from outside
of this four-sided prison-
i am fine.im fine.
And I press my hands
against these walls
and i am dully astounded
i dont pass right through.
Living in banality,
i realized that the pain
of being numb is so much worse
than living.
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Comments: 4
beautiful. It's simplicity and clarity are what make it interesting and easy to understand. It's concise and quickly, but not too quickly, comes to a point. I really like the message of the last two stanzas. It's different, it's refreshing. Good work!
Suggestions: banality seems a bit archaic, what about triviality? Fix or clarify the last line in the 2nd stanza- the cramped punctuation bothers me. I'm also not a big fan of leaving "I" un-capitalized, but it doesn't irk me that much. And finally, switch "realized" in the 2nd to last stanza to "realize" (unless you intentionally wrote it in past tense because you're looking back - in which case you're going to need to revise the entire poem so that it makes sense).
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