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manchaliaina β Rhododendron Girl
Published: 2007-01-09 12:41:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 524; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 2
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Description
On the first day, I saw mea rainbow, luckied my charms
over to the other side of the room
to find out if it's strawberries
in your hair and if I snaked
my smile around you, would
you be hooked?
On the fourth day, you had me
Julietted to the mantelpiece,
a whiskey in my hand crying,
"Rhonda, RomΓ©o, Rhododenron
hippie girl, where are you, I so miss you
and your charm, won't you twirl
into these arms," you had me
rhyming before I knew
what hit me.
By the fifth day, I had tied myself
to the hull of a boat, I was going to
keelhaul myself, except I didn't know,
I still don't know what keelhauling is
so I built a crucifixion out of
dead trees, I was floating out but you
roped me in.
The eighth day I was Hannukahed.
You put me in a window and I burned bright
from every digit till there was nothing left
in me and, when I went out, it was another
year of weekends before I could
light up for you.
And now I'm lit up, it's like no time
has passed and I'm Julietted tight
to this signal tower, singing,
"Relic, Remake, Rhododendron girl, come
bring me down."
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Comments: 3
"Julietted" - greatest new verb ever. 
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God knows how many times I've smacked my forehead, and bounced. As rarely, one of your cutest ones. Yippie doo!
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I love the word "rhododendron" (it sounds like dinosaurs or something, doesn't it?) and for that reason alone I'd be obliged to comment on the poem. And I'd have probably commented anyway, since I like the piece a lot. The atmosphere is wonderful and the imagery is great. The structure also works well. I particularly dig the rhyming part in the second stanza (both for the words and the flow), it's your style at its best.
I just can't figure out the use of "Juliet" as a verb. It seems to stem from Romeo and Juliet, but it still feels quite obscure to me. IMO the ending of the third stanza isn't as strong as it could be, but this is more of a gut feeling that based on something concrete. The same also applies to the end of the fourth stanza to a smaller extent.
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