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Uhm….Hello Everyone. I have..a lot to say in this Post and it would be..nice if you could read it through..

First of all I…am SO SORRY for my inactivity here and on all the other Social medias… I know I tried to apologize before and said that I would be back when the time comes but….it never really happened and not even now would be the time that I would say…“Yes now I can go back to drawing“. A lot, a lot, is going on and has been going on and I have no idea where to start.

I think I try to describe what I am currently feeling these days. I am..Tired, feel drained and like my strength is leaving me with each day. It is very hard to wake up every Day to go to work and do your best when your Team SUCKS, my bosses ARE TERRIBLE, and I do a Job for less money that others get and they don‘t work! I feel sorry for myself to carry everything that happened during months now still with me when I get home. I have problems sleeping, I wake up I think 3x times because my Body is in pain. It is a strange pain the feels like everything is on fire and you get pushed down by a massive person…And I don’t know how to fix it.
On the weekends I get lonely. Very lonely…I get to see TikTok’s, Videos on YouTube where Couples have the time of their life…getting together or married or having Baby plans while I sit in room and…well Sulk. I turn 21 this year and I know I am young and should go out and have fun. But why having fun alone? I don‘t have friends that could spend the time with me to have fun…idk maybe I am just to stuffily and to much of a weird person to anything right.

I don’t know if I mentioned it in one of my previous posts but me and my Parents will maybe be evicted from our apartment..we have neighbors that are dangerous, rude and totally disrespectful. But they are outnumbering us and putting complaints about us, which are false. But we have to go to court in a month and try to „Talk it out“ but to be honest this will not work. Addition to my problems my Brother and his family have trouble. Maybe my sister in law will lose her job soon and either she gets a full time job, which is difficult since she has two young Kids at home, or she gets her severance pay, which is also not much since of her time being there. She has also no education and in her beginning Thirties. She is not up for any ideas or options she could do and my brother gets annoyed with on top over everything. I don‘t want to go in any more details but everywhere I go, there are problems.

My grandmother is living alone in her apartment and we are the only ones that can visit her in a few times a month. But she gets..more weirder and kind of worrying? She had trouble with her left eye and that since last Year. She doesn‘t want to go to a doctor and is literally staying in her home and just gets out when we are there to go grocery shopping. She has problems with her teeth and gets thinner with each passing visit. She is in good shape for being 82 but still she is frustrating me. With pain or trouble seeing and just to say „I am an old lady, why would the doctor help me? I am not going.“ is kinda hard to accept. I just try to stay hopeful that it doesn’t get worse but when I need faith or luck, I never get it.

With all of this I have more Art blocks than ever and to find the motivation and inspiration to draw is hard. I sit in front of my IPad and..just look at my older drawings or at a black empty canvas. I start to cry sometimes because I feel tired of not drawing and hating myself for it and critising my Art. For no reason. I want to. But my head says it is not ready yet.. I talked about this with dear DarkWolfWarrioradopt (thank you again) and it helped me a bit and it was adviced to me to take it slow and take a break. But I should be able to draw again since I had a break and yet it is such a difficulty to even grab my Apple Pencil. I have decided to draw something new. And learn to draw new categories. I ordered books that help me to learn human anatomy, animation and drawing backgrounds. I also bought two sketching books. And again..I am not able to start reading..because I am scared. Scared to start and scared to fail..that it looks ugly and that I will never really be able learn new things…okay I think I panick again. But I cannot help it. Sorry. What my point is..is that I will possibly be inactive here and take another big break. Trying to focus on getting started to draw on the new topics and getting myself better in some way..
I will maybe draw/post a few adopts here and there for in need of some money but that is mostly it. I also will CLOSE MY COMMISSIONS!

Again I am sorry for leaving you guys in the open and posting nothing, maybe it is everything a bit too..idk overreacting but me and my body is in on th edge right now and I feel over all numb. And I don’t like it. I thank you for all who stayed reading this until now and being understanding. If you don’t and want to unwatch me then that is okay too.

For now I say bye bye and hope to hear from you or will keep up updated when the time comes.
Love you all!

Description
Uhm….Hello Everyone. I have..a lot to say in this Post and it would be..nice if you could read it through..

First of all I…am SO SORRY for my inactivity here and on all the other Social medias… I know I tried to apologize before and said that I would be back when the time comes but….it never really happened and not even now would be the time that I would say…“Yes now I can go back to drawing“. A lot, a lot, is going on and has been going on and I have no idea where to start.

I think I try to describe what I am currently feeling these days. I am..Tired, feel drained and like my strength is leaving me with each day. It is very hard to wake up every Day to go to work and do your best when your Team SUCKS, my bosses ARE TERRIBLE, and I do a Job for less money that others get and they don‘t work! I feel sorry for myself to carry everything that happened during months now still with me when I get home. I have problems sleeping, I wake up I think 3x times because my Body is in pain. It is a strange pain the feels like everything is on fire and you get pushed down by a massive person…And I don’t know how to fix it.
On the weekends I get lonely. Very lonely…I get to see TikTok’s, Videos on YouTube where Couples have the time of their life…getting together or married or having Baby plans while I sit in room and…well Sulk. I turn 21 this year and I know I am young and should go out and have fun. But why having fun alone? I don‘t have friends that could spend the time with me to have fun…idk maybe I am just to stuffily and to much of a weird person to anything right.

I don’t know if I mentioned it in one of my previous posts but me and my Parents will maybe be evicted from our apartment..we have neighbors that are dangerous, rude and totally disrespectful. But they are outnumbering us and putting complaints about us, which are false. But we have to go to court in a month and try to „Talk it out“ but to be honest this will not work. Addition to my problems my Brother and his family have trouble. Maybe my sister in law will lose her job soon and either she gets a full time job, which is difficult since she has two young Kids at home, or she gets her severance pay, which is also not much since of her time being there. She has also no education and in her beginning Thirties. She is not up for any ideas or options she could do and my brother gets annoyed with on top over everything. I don‘t want to go in any more details but everywhere I go, there are problems.

My grandmother is living alone in her apartment and we are the only ones that can visit her in a few times a month. But she gets..more weirder and kind of worrying? She had trouble with her left eye and that since last Year. She doesn‘t want to go to a doctor and is literally staying in her home and just gets out when we are there to go grocery shopping. She has problems with her teeth and gets thinner with each passing visit. She is in good shape for being 82 but still she is frustrating me. With pain or trouble seeing and just to say „I am an old lady, why would the doctor help me? I am not going.“ is kinda hard to accept. I just try to stay hopeful that it doesn’t get worse but when I need faith or luck, I never get it.

With all of this I have more Art blocks than ever and to find the motivation and inspiration to draw is hard. I sit in front of my IPad and..just look at my older drawings or at a black empty canvas. I start to cry sometimes because I feel tired of not drawing and hating myself for it and critising my Art. For no reason. I want to. But my head says it is not ready yet.. I talked about this with dear DarkWolfWarrioradopt (thank you again) and it helped me a bit and it was adviced to me to take it slow and take a break. But I should be able to draw again since I had a break and yet it is such a difficulty to even grab my Apple Pencil. I have decided to draw something new. And learn to draw new categories. I ordered books that help me to learn human anatomy, animation and drawing backgrounds. I also bought two sketching books. And again..I am not able to start reading..because I am scared. Scared to start and scared to fail..that it looks ugly and that I will never really be able learn new things…okay I think I panick again. But I cannot help it. Sorry. What my point is..is that I will possibly be inactive here and take another big break. Trying to focus on getting started to draw on the new topics and getting myself better in some way..
I will maybe draw/post a few adopts here and there for in need of some money but that is mostly it. I also will CLOSE MY COMMISSIONS!

Again I am sorry for leaving you guys in the open and posting nothing, maybe it is everything a bit too..idk overreacting but me and my body is in on th edge right now and I feel over all numb. And I don’t like it. I thank you for all who stayed reading this until now and being understanding. If you don’t and want to unwatch me then that is okay too.

For now I say bye bye and hope to hear from you or will keep up updated when the time comes.
Love you all!