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Description
My heart is a rapidly ticking time bomb.
Each thought, each memory, each imagining
speeds up the clock.
There are hours,
days,
months,
until it explodes,
but every moment feels like the times run out.

My heart beats faster and faster.
My body thrums with the intensity of it.
I can hear it loud and clear, my pillow pressed to my ear.
My need to be near you,
to see you,
to listen to you,
to feel your warm presence.

Every friendly message exchanged makes my insides melt.
My mind turns to a frenzy of thoughts.
Ideas.
Fantasies.
Hopes.
Wishes.

Every possible meeting makes me smile.
I radiate happiness.
There's a spring in my step.
A cheeriness to my voice.

Every cancellation, every forgotten reply turns my elation away.
Burns in the pit of my stomach.
Makes me want to ball up my pillow and hug it.
Is it okay that I want to punch something?

Preferably you.

It helps that I don't see you every day.
Before, glimpses out of the corner of my eye would put a smile on my face.
Now, I sometimes see you, where you work.
You still say "hello."
And "how are you?"
But never "sorry."
I convince myself that only my mother standing next to me discourages your apologies.

My mind tells me to stop lying to myself.
My heart tells me to continue, that he'll come through.
My body tells me I need him.
Someone to be near to.
To hug.
To kiss.
To love.

Can you call it love?
We are only friends.
No it's not love.
There's a hope it could be love.
Eventually.
But if it keeps going where it's going that will never happen.

And despite all this, you are still on my mind every minute, of every day, of every month for the past year and maybe the next year. I can only hope that you will come around. Or someone else will fill the void.

...or not.

Description
My heart is a rapidly ticking time bomb.
Each thought, each memory, each imagining
speeds up the clock.
There are hours,
days,
months,
until it explodes,
but every moment feels like the times run out.

My heart beats faster and faster.
My body thrums with the intensity of it.
I can hear it loud and clear, my pillow pressed to my ear.
My need to be near you,
to see you,
to listen to you,
to feel your warm presence.

Every friendly message exchanged makes my insides melt.
My mind turns to a frenzy of thoughts.
Ideas.
Fantasies.
Hopes.
Wishes.

Every possible meeting makes me smile.
I radiate happiness.
There's a spring in my step.
A cheeriness to my voice.

Every cancellation, every forgotten reply turns my elation away.
Burns in the pit of my stomach.
Makes me want to ball up my pillow and hug it.
Is it okay that I want to punch something?

Preferably you.

It helps that I don't see you every day.
Before, glimpses out of the corner of my eye would put a smile on my face.
Now, I sometimes see you, where you work.
You still say "hello."
And "how are you?"
But never "sorry."
I convince myself that only my mother standing next to me discourages your apologies.

My mind tells me to stop lying to myself.
My heart tells me to continue, that he'll come through.
My body tells me I need him.
Someone to be near to.
To hug.
To kiss.
To love.

Can you call it love?
We are only friends.
No it's not love.
There's a hope it could be love.
Eventually.
But if it keeps going where it's going that will never happen.

And despite all this, you are still on my mind every minute, of every day, of every month for the past year and maybe the next year. I can only hope that you will come around. Or someone else will fill the void.

...or not.