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Description
REKINDLED YESTERDAYS....

CHAPTER 6....

The Blackness.
So complete and encompassing.
Hard to breathe.
My breath exhaling in short shallow sounds.
Gurgling and with no coherency.
I trace my tongue over my lips.
Dry and cracked and tasting like salty tears.

I reached out with my hands finding nothing but thin air and an iciness that left me shivering and feeling abandoned and alone.
I was alone.
I felt alone.
BUT was I alone?

A sound so soft but yet it reverberated in my ears.
Again.... the sound.
I recoiled in fear and cradled my head in my hands as if to shield me from what was approaching.
It sounded familiar and yet it frightened me to the point I felt I could not move.
Frozen stiff.
That saying had real meaning for me now.
I know how it feels to be literally frozen stiff.
I cupped my hands over my ears to block the sound.
THUD...and again THUD.
Louder.

I scream.
An ear-splitting screech resonating from deep within my throat.
I couldn't stop screaming.

"Catherine"
A familiar voice.
"Catherine. Wake up."
Again that voice.
My eyes still tightly closed. Too afraid to open them.
I felt a soft, warm hand smooth my brow.
A tenderness in his touch that had my body losing its rigidity.
I slowly open my eyes and looked into deep blue orbs that were filled with concern and another emotion I felt.
Love I think.

I shook my head.
Trying to loosen the cotton-ball feeling that had my vision blurred and was distorting my reality.
I lick my lips again and slur
"what happened to me?"
Paul inhaled deeply, as if with relief that I had actually spoken.
"You had a panic attack, I think. Not sure, but you definitely were not your usual self!"

I struggled to stand up and regain my composure. Pauls strong hands guided me to an upright position and then led me to the sofa. "I only remember blacking out and feeling so stifled that I couldn't breathe."
The pressure on my chest was still there but slowly lifting as I took slow intakes of air.
Gradually my head also felt less clouded, but the confusion was still there and making me wary of my surroundings.

"I need to see Deanne please Paul"....
"I feel that there was more to this than just a panic attack. I have had them before but nothing like this. I am actually scared and need to talk this through with her. Make sense of why I am so frightened and where these feelings come from"
Paul exhaled deeply and bowed his head.
"Of course, I understand Catherine, but it is very late and we can go together tomorrow. A good nights sleep is what you need at this moment."

I looked into his eyes and I saw concern and love but something else too. Not sure what I was seeing but it unnerved me .
"Yes you are right " I said
I might take a bath and try and relax before I go to bed.
Paul smiled. "Yes definitely " he said as he got up.
I will run the bath for you now"
My hand caught his arm to stop him "I want to be alone please"
Paul looked dejected but I quickly soothed his fears with a quick smile

"I really need to focus on myself tonight and I cant do that with you here Paul. You are a distraction, one I would usually welcome, but tonight I need to sift through my thoughts alone please"
"I understand" he said
But somehow he didn't sound convincing but reluctantly agreed.

I led him to the door.
Standing together as we said goodnight, my mind still racing with what had just happened, I felt Paul lean into me to give me a kiss and I instinctively recoiled to his touch. He jolted back and his face showed pain at my rebuke.
I shocked myself with my reaction and started to apologize but the words were halted by the stormy expression on his face.
It wasn't the Paul I knew. The sweet man who had put up with so much was now angry.
I stepped back and reached to open the door but his hand stopped me. Pushing me away from him he opened the door and strode out without a glance backwards.

Description
REKINDLED YESTERDAYS....

CHAPTER 6....

The Blackness.
So complete and encompassing.
Hard to breathe.
My breath exhaling in short shallow sounds.
Gurgling and with no coherency.
I trace my tongue over my lips.
Dry and cracked and tasting like salty tears.

I reached out with my hands finding nothing but thin air and an iciness that left me shivering and feeling abandoned and alone.
I was alone.
I felt alone.
BUT was I alone?

A sound so soft but yet it reverberated in my ears.
Again.... the sound.
I recoiled in fear and cradled my head in my hands as if to shield me from what was approaching.
It sounded familiar and yet it frightened me to the point I felt I could not move.
Frozen stiff.
That saying had real meaning for me now.
I know how it feels to be literally frozen stiff.
I cupped my hands over my ears to block the sound.
THUD...and again THUD.
Louder.

I scream.
An ear-splitting screech resonating from deep within my throat.
I couldn't stop screaming.

"Catherine"
A familiar voice.
"Catherine. Wake up."
Again that voice.
My eyes still tightly closed. Too afraid to open them.
I felt a soft, warm hand smooth my brow.
A tenderness in his touch that had my body losing its rigidity.
I slowly open my eyes and looked into deep blue orbs that were filled with concern and another emotion I felt.
Love I think.

I shook my head.
Trying to loosen the cotton-ball feeling that had my vision blurred and was distorting my reality.
I lick my lips again and slur
"what happened to me?"
Paul inhaled deeply, as if with relief that I had actually spoken.
"You had a panic attack, I think. Not sure, but you definitely were not your usual self!"

I struggled to stand up and regain my composure. Pauls strong hands guided me to an upright position and then led me to the sofa. "I only remember blacking out and feeling so stifled that I couldn't breathe."
The pressure on my chest was still there but slowly lifting as I took slow intakes of air.
Gradually my head also felt less clouded, but the confusion was still there and making me wary of my surroundings.

"I need to see Deanne please Paul"....
"I feel that there was more to this than just a panic attack. I have had them before but nothing like this. I am actually scared and need to talk this through with her. Make sense of why I am so frightened and where these feelings come from"
Paul exhaled deeply and bowed his head.
"Of course, I understand Catherine, but it is very late and we can go together tomorrow. A good nights sleep is what you need at this moment."

I looked into his eyes and I saw concern and love but something else too. Not sure what I was seeing but it unnerved me .
"Yes you are right " I said
I might take a bath and try and relax before I go to bed.
Paul smiled. "Yes definitely " he said as he got up.
I will run the bath for you now"
My hand caught his arm to stop him "I want to be alone please"
Paul looked dejected but I quickly soothed his fears with a quick smile

"I really need to focus on myself tonight and I cant do that with you here Paul. You are a distraction, one I would usually welcome, but tonight I need to sift through my thoughts alone please"
"I understand" he said
But somehow he didn't sound convincing but reluctantly agreed.

I led him to the door.
Standing together as we said goodnight, my mind still racing with what had just happened, I felt Paul lean into me to give me a kiss and I instinctively recoiled to his touch. He jolted back and his face showed pain at my rebuke.
I shocked myself with my reaction and started to apologize but the words were halted by the stormy expression on his face.
It wasn't the Paul I knew. The sweet man who had put up with so much was now angry.
I stepped back and reached to open the door but his hand stopped me. Pushing me away from him he opened the door and strode out without a glance backwards.