HOME | DD

Description
While I like to think that this project opens myself up and allows people to see ~the real me~, I often wonder if I give the impression that I’m unhappy. I’m not. Not usually. It’s hard to say. But sometimes, when I’m being creative, it’s natural for me to purge the bad things in my mind, so they come out. It means I’m cleansing myself of them, not that it’s a perpetual state.

I’ve also tended to notice that my default face can sometimes seem troubled. When I took this picture I wasn’t particularly bummed about anything, just tired. But although I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy more often than not, I can admit to being a serious person. I feel things deeply and I feel profoundly fascinated by my thoughts, my beliefs, my ego.

What I mean is not in an egotistical sense, not in the traditional sense of the word. Rather that it’s important to me to find my place in life, figure out who I want to be and how to be her, find a balance between me and the world around me. I am concerned with ego in the sense of teaching myself to be respectful, to understand the difference between wants and needs, to move past petty emotional injuries by teaching myself that not everything is a personal attack.

My life can be complicated at times, and at best frustrating. Centering myself is the best way I know how to deal with the things around me, the way I can accept what I cannot fix and still find the positive things. Because I’ve had more good days than bad. There are times when my life catches up to me in a panic-attack-inducing rush, but there are more times where I forget that I’m fucked and broke and hopeless because I still know how to have fun, how to laugh, how to hold onto my positivity and hope and creativity.

I also know things could be worse. I know that, despite the hand I’ve been dealt, I still have it good. I have a roof over my head. I have my health and my family. I have a few people who care about me. I appreciate that more than I can express. I appreciate it every day. I don’t feel stressed out over what’s wrong but comforted by what is right.

So basically, what I’m trying to say, is that I hope no one gets the impression that I’m too tragic, because I’m not. I am calm and patient and my problems don’t blind me. But the frustration sometimes shows in my face, whether I mean to show it or not. It’s part of the creative process and not something I always control. Plus, I’m often running on very little sleep, and the exhaustion can look like pain. But it isn’t. I prefer it this way. If I didn’t have all these things to occupy me the stress would probably consume me. It keeps me focused.

122/365.

Description
While I like to think that this project opens myself up and allows people to see ~the real me~, I often wonder if I give the impression that I’m unhappy. I’m not. Not usually. It’s hard to say. But sometimes, when I’m being creative, it’s natural for me to purge the bad things in my mind, so they come out. It means I’m cleansing myself of them, not that it’s a perpetual state.

I’ve also tended to notice that my default face can sometimes seem troubled. When I took this picture I wasn’t particularly bummed about anything, just tired. But although I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy more often than not, I can admit to being a serious person. I feel things deeply and I feel profoundly fascinated by my thoughts, my beliefs, my ego.

What I mean is not in an egotistical sense, not in the traditional sense of the word. Rather that it’s important to me to find my place in life, figure out who I want to be and how to be her, find a balance between me and the world around me. I am concerned with ego in the sense of teaching myself to be respectful, to understand the difference between wants and needs, to move past petty emotional injuries by teaching myself that not everything is a personal attack.

My life can be complicated at times, and at best frustrating. Centering myself is the best way I know how to deal with the things around me, the way I can accept what I cannot fix and still find the positive things. Because I’ve had more good days than bad. There are times when my life catches up to me in a panic-attack-inducing rush, but there are more times where I forget that I’m fucked and broke and hopeless because I still know how to have fun, how to laugh, how to hold onto my positivity and hope and creativity.

I also know things could be worse. I know that, despite the hand I’ve been dealt, I still have it good. I have a roof over my head. I have my health and my family. I have a few people who care about me. I appreciate that more than I can express. I appreciate it every day. I don’t feel stressed out over what’s wrong but comforted by what is right.

So basically, what I’m trying to say, is that I hope no one gets the impression that I’m too tragic, because I’m not. I am calm and patient and my problems don’t blind me. But the frustration sometimes shows in my face, whether I mean to show it or not. It’s part of the creative process and not something I always control. Plus, I’m often running on very little sleep, and the exhaustion can look like pain. But it isn’t. I prefer it this way. If I didn’t have all these things to occupy me the stress would probably consume me. It keeps me focused.

122/365.