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Jadite — tragic
Published: 2012-09-10 05:20:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 429; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 6
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Description
lately, she's been running out of words,like a violin whose strings haven't been tuned
but somehow survived the seasons.
yet, unlike an instrument,
she can't tune herself back up,
and remember what it feels like
to create something.
she's looking for a family,
strangers with no relation to her,
except a story written in cuts.
there's no salvation in self-
destruction. yet, she's searching,
looking between the scars for
answers.
for some reason,
she's got herself convinced
if she could hurt more
than wildfires and weapons
then she'd be worth
more than her desperate attempts to
tell her truth.
for some reason,
she thinks she can tell the truth.
even though she's been rewriting her story
since she was old enough to hold a pen.
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Comments: 14
thank you thank you thank you! <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The first and second to last stanzas are really cunning!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you. <3 i might use it for lines later.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think some reorganization of your words and perhaps some proof reading will help this piece. You're breaking rhythm too much with redundant use of words and some structure in your English.
"yet somehow survived the seasons.
yet, unlike an instrument,
she can't tune herself back up,
and remember what it feels like
to create something.
An example of what I would have done would be this:
"yet somehow survives the seasons.
though unlike an instrument,
she can't simply re-tune her strings,
and remember the feeling,
of being able to create."
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you for taking the time to comment and read this. (:
i didn't notice the double "yet," so thank you for pointing that out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
