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2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023

At this point I no longer even know how to measure which year was the worst one cause every single one of them had at least one really bad thing happen and at this point it's pitting them against each other for which is worse and I kinda just can't, they're all terrible. I just can't deal with life anymore, it took away my happy places and keeps shoving horrible things at me that I got no way to cope with and it sucks. How has everything only been going downhill since 2019?? It started alright, the regular post Dec burnout through Jan so I only had one art done, and in Feb I made a few pieces and after that everything just crumbled apart. Tbh it's a miracle there's only on gap in the whole year, though it pains me to no ends that it's during my birthday month. Will say, for a lot of these months I did only have a single art to show and that's... really sad for me. Though a lot of why I drew so little is tied to personal stuff in life, so beware this year's art rambles aren't all that artsy.

So why a gap in March? Got a job that ate my brain and I had real bad sads. I tried to art but nothing got finished and come April I somehow managed to finish a single art, and that only came at the very end cause I got more bad news so arting was extra hard - we got told to move in 3 months, so hurrah for getting kicked out. And moving is pure hell, a lot of work and stress and so much uncertainty. I literally did May's piece on the last day of May, on my first day in the new house where I stole time I should be cleaning to draw because I can't tell you what sort of bad my head was in and I tried to make myself feel better, literally only drawing because I didn't want to have another gap in this yearly thing. That was my solve motivation. It also didn't end up making me feel better.

In June we were finally somewhat settled and I could finally start picking myself back up, managed to find a job and I didn't loathe it so there's that. Also Art Fight was nearing, and it's such a highlight of the year for me I was very excited, tried to get things prepared. Was making some assets for which a chibi style was needed, and I'm notoriously bad at them, hated every single one I've ever drawn. But Lace was a dear and was helping me out and incredibly, I managed to make something I liked. I was shocked! I finally found a chibi style I enjoyed drawing, actually liked the result! That's probably my biggest highlight of the year, sure I still have things I'm iffy on and need to fix, it's still a work in progress, but that's quite the achievement. Sadly I've yet to draw chibi I like better than the very first test one, but oh well, guess Y's design really uplifted the piece ahaha.

All that joy crashed down real quick. Got sick, so I missed a good chunk of ArtFight and even though I put up a fight at the later half, it was still a sad showing. Was really disappointed with it this year tbh. But the worst was yet to come and August really put the misery cherry on top for this year. I lost two beloved pets within a week. Even now I can't write this without tearing up. I can't tell you how much it messed me up, the timing was really ironic too. I couldn't manage anything for a week or two, and it took some kicking and help from Lace to get me back to drawing. I finished Y's b-day art, but I hate that piece. It was supposed to be really good, I had grand plans for it, but life screwed it over bad, I did it real poorly, there's a mistake in it I still haven't forced myself to finish and I think it's the worst piece out of all the ones in the calendar. I can't tell you how hard it was to start drawing again, to start doing anything tbh. And I really hate that Y managed to get tangled with this experience, since he's already tangled with some bad stuff and now he's got even more baggage and it's pretty hard for me because I love him so much and it brings me a lot of happiness to draw him, so it feels like life keeps taking away anything that makes me happy.

Things kinda picked back up in October, I tried to run my own inktober challenge called Reaptober, was really excited for it, decided it would mark my comeback to DA too, though it was kind of a failure. By the end I was so dejected, I didn't finish the last two days myself, and those were the ones I had been looking forward to the most. All of the pieces were pretty weak too, but I was trying to fight that fight, y'know, get past the brain fog I ended up in this year. I didn't really get anywhere. And then DA announced all of this AI stuff that made me wanna leave again and while I don't want to delete all my stuff because it's like a diary to me, so many memories, ya can see I haven't posted anything since. Because I ain't sure I wanna come back. And Twitter got set on fire too, so now I don't really have an art home and feel so lost. Might try to move to some other site, been really considering Tumblr tbh, cause it was my very first social media site, still is my absolute favourite and I've never even thought of leaving it. But I've never posted my art on it and now I'm considering making an account for that, we'll see I guess. Feels like I got kicked out of home a second time o|<

At the end I also missed a bunch of my character birthdays, only did Tairan's out 4 I was supposed to. At least I didn't miss my friends birthdays, tho the pieces were small and lackluster. I did also manage my SS piece just barely on the deadline. But I didn't finish a Gift Exchange piece on time which eats at me a lot, but more personal life nonsense came up... So even the last month wasn't all that great, but I got some ideas I wanna do, got a plan for a sort of 'rebrand' (???) for Jan or well maybe Feb, cause I'd like to finish the million of wips I have from 2022 first. Dunno how long it'll actually take me, but I am excited for finally making myself 'a look', haha, been wanting one for a long time. Had tried for it once before too.

Will say, at the last quarter of the year, I've kind of been pursuing 'big adulting goals', haven't gotten anywhere yet and I hate that I need to get those 'life milestones' but at least I'm sort of working on getting a life together. However that eats a lot of time and mental space when I already don't have much so it's sad to see how it devours my art. I fear I might never again make as much of it as I used to. Also another home moving is looming in the distance and I can't tell you how much I dread it. But there's some stuff to look forward to too. I started learning a new exciting thing and while I just literally began with it, I'm excited for where I can get. I also got around to fleshing out background characters to my main kiddos and that has been a lot of fun, slowly giving them faces and more depth, been really enjoying that, especially with Boom's fam. And there's still that big project I mentioned, what two years ago, that while I've not been able to work on much this year I hope to pick back up and maybe even get it done by next year or something.

As a last thought, even though this year was utter crap, I'm kind of surprised that when I look at this year's summary there's actually a lot of good pieces in it. They might've been the only ones for some months, yet they have a lot of quality to them, I think. I'm surprised I managed that. That some of them look really good. Idk maybe my art is improving somewhere somehow and wouldn't that be exciting. Also I finished the year with a bag, cause screw it. In the last three hours of the year I drew a headshot of Y, the first art piece of him since that dreadful August, and I had a blast working on it. I've missed him dearly. I actually felt happy while drawing and I haven't felt so in a long time. A lot of the art felt like a chore and constant pushing battle against my head. I hope I can draw more of him and get over that feeling of sadness and fear sticking to him.

Anyway sorry that this is way longer and a lot less vague when it comes to my personal life, just didn't feel like toning it down this year. Gonna repeat myself, but I wish that 2023 is a kind year, I definitely could use some kindness. And if ya got through reading all that, you're a real trooper and thanks for caring for me so much to give me that time. I appreciate it and I hope you have a good year.

Art, template, all characters save for April (c) me
Please don't use or repost my art, no matter for what purposes

Description

2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023

At this point I no longer even know how to measure which year was the worst one cause every single one of them had at least one really bad thing happen and at this point it's pitting them against each other for which is worse and I kinda just can't, they're all terrible. I just can't deal with life anymore, it took away my happy places and keeps shoving horrible things at me that I got no way to cope with and it sucks. How has everything only been going downhill since 2019?? It started alright, the regular post Dec burnout through Jan so I only had one art done, and in Feb I made a few pieces and after that everything just crumbled apart. Tbh it's a miracle there's only on gap in the whole year, though it pains me to no ends that it's during my birthday month. Will say, for a lot of these months I did only have a single art to show and that's... really sad for me. Though a lot of why I drew so little is tied to personal stuff in life, so beware this year's art rambles aren't all that artsy.

So why a gap in March? Got a job that ate my brain and I had real bad sads. I tried to art but nothing got finished and come April I somehow managed to finish a single art, and that only came at the very end cause I got more bad news so arting was extra hard - we got told to move in 3 months, so hurrah for getting kicked out. And moving is pure hell, a lot of work and stress and so much uncertainty. I literally did May's piece on the last day of May, on my first day in the new house where I stole time I should be cleaning to draw because I can't tell you what sort of bad my head was in and I tried to make myself feel better, literally only drawing because I didn't want to have another gap in this yearly thing. That was my solve motivation. It also didn't end up making me feel better.

In June we were finally somewhat settled and I could finally start picking myself back up, managed to find a job and I didn't loathe it so there's that. Also Art Fight was nearing, and it's such a highlight of the year for me I was very excited, tried to get things prepared. Was making some assets for which a chibi style was needed, and I'm notoriously bad at them, hated every single one I've ever drawn. But Lace was a dear and was helping me out and incredibly, I managed to make something I liked. I was shocked! I finally found a chibi style I enjoyed drawing, actually liked the result! That's probably my biggest highlight of the year, sure I still have things I'm iffy on and need to fix, it's still a work in progress, but that's quite the achievement. Sadly I've yet to draw chibi I like better than the very first test one, but oh well, guess Y's design really uplifted the piece ahaha.

All that joy crashed down real quick. Got sick, so I missed a good chunk of ArtFight and even though I put up a fight at the later half, it was still a sad showing. Was really disappointed with it this year tbh. But the worst was yet to come and August really put the misery cherry on top for this year. I lost two beloved pets within a week. Even now I can't write this without tearing up. I can't tell you how much it messed me up, the timing was really ironic too. I couldn't manage anything for a week or two, and it took some kicking and help from Lace to get me back to drawing. I finished Y's b-day art, but I hate that piece. It was supposed to be really good, I had grand plans for it, but life screwed it over bad, I did it real poorly, there's a mistake in it I still haven't forced myself to finish and I think it's the worst piece out of all the ones in the calendar. I can't tell you how hard it was to start drawing again, to start doing anything tbh. And I really hate that Y managed to get tangled with this experience, since he's already tangled with some bad stuff and now he's got even more baggage and it's pretty hard for me because I love him so much and it brings me a lot of happiness to draw him, so it feels like life keeps taking away anything that makes me happy.

Things kinda picked back up in October, I tried to run my own inktober challenge called Reaptober, was really excited for it, decided it would mark my comeback to DA too, though it was kind of a failure. By the end I was so dejected, I didn't finish the last two days myself, and those were the ones I had been looking forward to the most. All of the pieces were pretty weak too, but I was trying to fight that fight, y'know, get past the brain fog I ended up in this year. I didn't really get anywhere. And then DA announced all of this AI stuff that made me wanna leave again and while I don't want to delete all my stuff because it's like a diary to me, so many memories, ya can see I haven't posted anything since. Because I ain't sure I wanna come back. And Twitter got set on fire too, so now I don't really have an art home and feel so lost. Might try to move to some other site, been really considering Tumblr tbh, cause it was my very first social media site, still is my absolute favourite and I've never even thought of leaving it. But I've never posted my art on it and now I'm considering making an account for that, we'll see I guess. Feels like I got kicked out of home a second time o|<

At the end I also missed a bunch of my character birthdays, only did Tairan's out 4 I was supposed to. At least I didn't miss my friends birthdays, tho the pieces were small and lackluster. I did also manage my SS piece just barely on the deadline. But I didn't finish a Gift Exchange piece on time which eats at me a lot, but more personal life nonsense came up... So even the last month wasn't all that great, but I got some ideas I wanna do, got a plan for a sort of 'rebrand' (???) for Jan or well maybe Feb, cause I'd like to finish the million of wips I have from 2022 first. Dunno how long it'll actually take me, but I am excited for finally making myself 'a look', haha, been wanting one for a long time. Had tried for it once before too.

Will say, at the last quarter of the year, I've kind of been pursuing 'big adulting goals', haven't gotten anywhere yet and I hate that I need to get those 'life milestones' but at least I'm sort of working on getting a life together. However that eats a lot of time and mental space when I already don't have much so it's sad to see how it devours my art. I fear I might never again make as much of it as I used to. Also another home moving is looming in the distance and I can't tell you how much I dread it. But there's some stuff to look forward to too. I started learning a new exciting thing and while I just literally began with it, I'm excited for where I can get. I also got around to fleshing out background characters to my main kiddos and that has been a lot of fun, slowly giving them faces and more depth, been really enjoying that, especially with Boom's fam. And there's still that big project I mentioned, what two years ago, that while I've not been able to work on much this year I hope to pick back up and maybe even get it done by next year or something.

As a last thought, even though this year was utter crap, I'm kind of surprised that when I look at this year's summary there's actually a lot of good pieces in it. They might've been the only ones for some months, yet they have a lot of quality to them, I think. I'm surprised I managed that. That some of them look really good. Idk maybe my art is improving somewhere somehow and wouldn't that be exciting. Also I finished the year with a bag, cause screw it. In the last three hours of the year I drew a headshot of Y, the first art piece of him since that dreadful August, and I had a blast working on it. I've missed him dearly. I actually felt happy while drawing and I haven't felt so in a long time. A lot of the art felt like a chore and constant pushing battle against my head. I hope I can draw more of him and get over that feeling of sadness and fear sticking to him.

Anyway sorry that this is way longer and a lot less vague when it comes to my personal life, just didn't feel like toning it down this year. Gonna repeat myself, but I wish that 2023 is a kind year, I definitely could use some kindness. And if ya got through reading all that, you're a real trooper and thanks for caring for me so much to give me that time. I appreciate it and I hope you have a good year.

Art, template, all characters save for April (c) me
Please don't use or repost my art, no matter for what purposes