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flameinnight — Fading
Published: 2003-12-03 18:42:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 110; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 22
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Description
As I walk by the riverI stare at a photo of my
past.
The image once stood
proud and fair. Is now
faded
I am fading, I can not help
it.
I want to scream shout
out what I feel,
how I yearn,
how I love,
Yet this person will never
know for I stay in the shadows
of emotion and pass my time
in the murky depths of longing
I want to scream her name
I want to feel her touch
I want to look at her with love
and not be ridiculed.
But I stay in the shadows the
friend nothing more nothing less.
To know everything about you
except that what I truly want
your love.
Now this image of my
past self reflects my
present.
I am faded like the picture
it glides down to the waters
edge and is engulfed by the
murky depths.
That's who I was then
now I am nothing but
a shadow a whisper on
the breath of my old friend,
my love.
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Comments: 19
beautiful writing.....and something that most of us have probably experienced in our lives.......that aching and yearning...so strong, yet not enough to break us out of shells....
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ty i aint gonna right a lot at the moment exams and all, also trying to improve my poetry greatly at the moment its just personal that is okay but i want to be able to write so everyone can truely enjoy it.
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the best way to write so that others enjoy it is to continue writing personally and for yourself.....it is that which comes from the depths of the soul which is most likely to touch others!
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true i mean i will still right things for myself but if you ever go onto the sutrue site they have extremely good tips and frankley i'm bored of getting rejection letters so i need to create somthing new and unuseual other wise well it wont validate a certain part of it for me ty for ur comment its appriciated and its true
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Very nice piece. As ladynyk says the structure is cool.
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ty sie got to make those ammendments with comma's before i go away
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very nice.. your structure is really interesting, I like the way you use it to control the reader's progression through the piece. My only critique would to be more consistent with comma usage; that is to say, if you're going to use them, then use them in all the places they are needed, else, just don't use them.
Really nicely done
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thanks very much for the comment i will go through and see what needs to be reworked with your peice of advice thank you
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That is what art is, that's beautifully written, amazing work.
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thank you very much for the complement it is very much appriciated
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this is a wonderful poem. i especially enjoyed the lines:
proud and fair. Is now
faded
when read or viewed, just seeing the word "faded" all on it's own line sends a jolt of emotion.
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thank you very much you comment is appreciated
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thank you very much
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