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fernknits — 010. Opportunities -- Interference
Published: 2014-10-12 10:17:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 141; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Description
You are a week-old mothermarking time until the baby falls asleep,
doing laundry and dishes, rocking
and jiggling, feeling nothing.
The phone rings: DEPARTMENTOF
YOUTHANDFAMILYSERVICES:
your heart quickens.
They tell you to stay put, they will
be coming over. In no time, you see
the car in your driveway. Your stomach
lurches, and you startle at their knock.
They know, and they tell you so.
You can't figure it out --
how they found your secret heart,
the darkest, most invasive terror --
but you give. And they take.
Your freedom, your autonomy,
your independence, your self-respect.
They send a lazy little aide to watch you
watch your little daughter, every day,
and when you take the baby to her room
to love and to play with, and shut the door,
they say you are denying access
and descend upon your home again.
Your heart breaks, and this time
you are so sure you will lose her
you begin, slightly, to detach.
You get a lawyer.
Nothing happens suddenly,
but as time passes,
they stop sending the aide,
and the accusations settle.
Slower to heal are the wounds
of doubt and self-doubt,
and of the missed opportunities
of early motherhood and infancy,
gone in the pain and the whirlwind
of the postpartum witch-hunt.
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Comments: 1
1) I was indifferent about the title, which I suppose means it could have been better. I'm the worst at titles, so nothing springs to mind as a suggestion, unfortunately.
2) I really liked the last stanza as is - it completes the poem well and has some good imagery. Rounds the whole thing out nicely. The first stanza, though, I agree is underdeveloped. I had to read through the rest of the poem to really understand why Family and Youth Services are visiting, which is fine, but it might be good to add a bit to the beginning so that we have a better idea of the subject's depression right off the bat.
3) Except for the first stanza, I didn't have a problem with your exposition in this. I think you showed quite well.
4) I like the impact of the shorter stanzas; yes, they worked for me.
5) I'm not sure how to answer this one - what exactly do you mean here?
I can tell you spent a lot of time on this, and I enjoyed it. Even though there's a relatively happy ending, there's still that pain present at the end, and you don't shy away from it.
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