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Description
*I'll list all the types of coloring tools used as some point, I'm sure.
Ticonderoga pencil used for sketch, and then multiple colored pencils and ink used on layers. Spruced up a little with a couple filters in PhotoStudio Pro to darked the hair.

The majority of my Soul Awakens series have been a piece of my soul that was wanting to be let out, or a part of me that burst forth once the right circumstances aligned.

I avoided doing anything similar to a self portrait in sketch for this series, because I was so afraid of peering into the part of me I didn't want to face. It is a difficult thing indeed to stare into your own soul and deal with the reality staring back at you.

Was I a decent enough person? Was I worth any efforts?

For so long, I didn't want to know the answer.

And last year, around May 17-18, 2022, after watching the anime movie Belle, I felt an inkling to pick up my tools and make a self portrait of sorts.

I was proud of myself, until the sickening feeling of grief and guilt settled once I learned that a close friend of mine, Holly, passed away around the time I was sketching and coloring.

And nearly a year later, I hadn't felt the desire to pick up even a pencil to doodle. I felt so ashamed of having created ANYTHING while friend died, that I thought I didn't deserve to make something, colored or otherwise.

It seems I was living in fear for many different things, in fact. One of which was reaching out to certain folks that I was worried wouldn't want to talk to me.

But I decided I needed to stop being afraid of what-if's, and make the most of what life has given me.

(Having suffered a massive health scare right before Thanksgiving last year also propelled me to overcome previous fears).

So, I did it, I took the plunge. I reached out to someone.

And they responded, talking like no time had passed.

It made me think, "If I could take that one step, what else could I do? Maybe I could do something I want, without feeling guilty?"

And then the strongest desire to sketch came over me.

So I sketched. I colored, I labored and designed. It isn't something I'm sure anyone would pay money for, haha. I'm not talented enough to do commissions or create something many amazing artists on here could, but, I'm happy with what I created.

I feel like I'm breathing in LIFE for the first time in a long time. I feel like I actually accomplished something I wished to, and I didn't feel ashamed for doing it.

I know my friend would've lectured me, told me that I was being silly, and to create as much as I wanted, with anything I could get my hands on. She was amazing like that, always lifting others up. I hope to be even half as beautiful a soul as she was.

Description
*I'll list all the types of coloring tools used as some point, I'm sure.
Ticonderoga pencil used for sketch, and then multiple colored pencils and ink used on layers. Spruced up a little with a couple filters in PhotoStudio Pro to darked the hair.

The majority of my Soul Awakens series have been a piece of my soul that was wanting to be let out, or a part of me that burst forth once the right circumstances aligned.

I avoided doing anything similar to a self portrait in sketch for this series, because I was so afraid of peering into the part of me I didn't want to face. It is a difficult thing indeed to stare into your own soul and deal with the reality staring back at you.

Was I a decent enough person? Was I worth any efforts?

For so long, I didn't want to know the answer.

And last year, around May 17-18, 2022, after watching the anime movie Belle, I felt an inkling to pick up my tools and make a self portrait of sorts.

I was proud of myself, until the sickening feeling of grief and guilt settled once I learned that a close friend of mine, Holly, passed away around the time I was sketching and coloring.

And nearly a year later, I hadn't felt the desire to pick up even a pencil to doodle. I felt so ashamed of having created ANYTHING while friend died, that I thought I didn't deserve to make something, colored or otherwise.

It seems I was living in fear for many different things, in fact. One of which was reaching out to certain folks that I was worried wouldn't want to talk to me.

But I decided I needed to stop being afraid of what-if's, and make the most of what life has given me.

(Having suffered a massive health scare right before Thanksgiving last year also propelled me to overcome previous fears).

So, I did it, I took the plunge. I reached out to someone.

And they responded, talking like no time had passed.

It made me think, "If I could take that one step, what else could I do? Maybe I could do something I want, without feeling guilty?"

And then the strongest desire to sketch came over me.

So I sketched. I colored, I labored and designed. It isn't something I'm sure anyone would pay money for, haha. I'm not talented enough to do commissions or create something many amazing artists on here could, but, I'm happy with what I created.

I feel like I'm breathing in LIFE for the first time in a long time. I feel like I actually accomplished something I wished to, and I didn't feel ashamed for doing it.

I know my friend would've lectured me, told me that I was being silly, and to create as much as I wanted, with anything I could get my hands on. She was amazing like that, always lifting others up. I hope to be even half as beautiful a soul as she was.