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evanscense365 — 'Can you see me now?'

Published: 2011-10-10 01:52:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 4687; Favourites: 104; Downloads: 15
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Description ♪ ❝ All this black and
cruel despair
This is an emergency
Don't you hide your
eyes from me?
Open them and see me now

Can you see me now?
Can you see me now? ❞ ♪
↪ t.A.T.u【 Clowns 】

Lately I've been told I should stop trying to dress and act like a boy, instead accept and be happy I'm a girl. Well, I simply cannot do that, and refuse to even try. I was born biologically as a girl, and I do accept that part of me, but I also love the other half me, Danny, the 'boy side' of me. Lately I've felt more like Danny, thus when I see my female half, Michi, in the mirror it's rather depressing. It's not a phase, it's who I am. I will not change for anyone, just to please them. Especially when I'm not harming anyone by being myself.

Side note: I tried to give the look of a mirror between both sides of me. Also, I can sympathize that who and what I am confuses many out there but I can reassure you I am happy with who I am. I am an androgyne, meaning I see myself as both genders. Nothing anyone says is going to make me see myself differently. I may not know 'what I want', in general, but I can say strongly that I would not be happy accepting one gender for myself. c:

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Comments: 63

evanscense365 In reply to ??? [2013-07-10 20:52:11 +0000 UTC]

Thank you~ c:

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L1ghtningpaw In reply to evanscense365 [2013-07-12 15:53:43 +0000 UTC]

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crimsontearfall [2011-12-10 03:10:06 +0000 UTC]

i know exactly what you mean.

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evanscense365 In reply to crimsontearfall [2011-12-10 03:37:40 +0000 UTC]

:]

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NikkiNinja2010 [2011-10-30 00:39:45 +0000 UTC]

Oh my gosh I know exactly how you feel. A few months ago I had an intervention with my mother about this. She asked me if I wanted to be a boy or girl, it really made me angry. But I had my father, my friends, & the rest of my family supporting me.Now, I'm not afraid to be who I am, I embrace it. Look what I'm trying to say is don't let people bring you down, & if they do, I'll kick thier asses!!

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evanscense365 In reply to NikkiNinja2010 [2011-12-10 03:37:48 +0000 UTC]

Good for you~! c:

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trinityblood96 [2011-10-11 00:43:23 +0000 UTC]

i'm sorry hun i can symathyze i know how it feel
you can talk to me any time i'll try to he lp

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evanscense365 In reply to trinityblood96 [2011-10-11 07:39:30 +0000 UTC]

I'm happy my submission can bring similarity, thank you.^-^

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trinityblood96 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-12 21:23:06 +0000 UTC]

i'm glad
your completely welcome

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Desuke-Love [2011-10-10 11:44:41 +0000 UTC]

I hope people learn to accept you. I mean, you are who you are. Well done for being strong enough to be yourself in the face of adversity ^^

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evanscense365 In reply to Desuke-Love [2011-10-10 22:45:48 +0000 UTC]

It is what it is, thank you very much for the compassion.^^

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Desuke-Love In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-11 15:10:23 +0000 UTC]

You are very welcome ^^

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lolalovely2109 [2011-10-10 09:57:11 +0000 UTC]

i love the way you express this in a way that you can see what you are and what others can understand...my danny side only comes out when i am trying to protect something or when i get mad i have a lot of sides to me...lol half of it is split by the girl part of me and the mean selfish protective one is my danny side coming out...lol lately i've been dealing with a lot of stuff so danny is more out because my lola side cant control that kind of situation.

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evanscense365 In reply to lolalovely2109 [2011-10-10 22:45:17 +0000 UTC]

I can whole heartedly sympathize with you there. When you feel like you've been backed up into an corner, you kinda sink back yet subconsciously something leaps forward as a self defense mechanism is triggered. What's interesting though is I seem to be more 'aggressive' with my female half, yet when my Danny side is out I'm pretty calm. I think my female half expresses this 'attitude' as a self defense, while Danny is pretty secure.

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lolalovely2109 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-11 03:40:45 +0000 UTC]

lol...yeah..it's weird...lol but it's true..

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StickWithaPsuedonym [2011-10-10 03:14:22 +0000 UTC]

I told my parents to call me Danny, and my mom gave me this freezy look. Jerk.

I am totally with you when it comes to the gender thing. Sometimes I prefer to be my boy side and buy ties and wear shirts that hide my pathetically small boobs xD. I wish I had a name for my boy side

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2011-10-10 03:21:37 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I know what you mean. XD; I was filling out my registration papers for an anime convention, and my mom grabbed the papers to mail it for me. I guess she was reviewing it because she suddenly said, "Danny?!" in shock. In the papers you put your birth name, and then the nickname you want on your badge. 'Danny' was there and I swear my heart started racing, I tried to casually react on the outside though. "Yeah, I like it. It's cute right?" She was completely silent before finally leaving my room without another word. XD;; I think she's under the impression I'm showing signs of being transgender all together.

I like the semi-formal look when I'm Danny, makes me feel fancy and well dressed. c; Ah, sadly I'm not so lucky in the body department. X'D I guess you could say my figure SCREAMS girl, instead of easily being able to pass as a boy. XD;;

By the way I love your avatar!<333

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 04:09:05 +0000 UTC]

Daaamn. I'd love to sign my name as Roger or Danny but I'm stuck with Alexis... as for my body I'm as straight as a ruler and have, no curves. My mom insists on getting me boob-lifting bras and I'm like NOPE. My mom thinks I'm trying to either transgend or cross-dress, bur I really don't care. Gaaah! I should write Danny on my schoolwork from now on~! (Well...maybe. xD)

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2011-10-10 04:14:05 +0000 UTC]

Well when it comes to school it is possible for you to be addressed and acknowledged as a boy. Though, it really all depends on your comfort level and the school you go to. XD; Some schools out there really couldn't careless about respecting transgender, and gay rights in general.
It's kinda disturbing how your mom wants you to get those kinds of bras. XD;

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 04:49:23 +0000 UTC]

I know right! My mom showed me one and gave me this look and said: "I should get you one of these so it looks like you HAVE something!"

Me: Nope. I'm perfectly content with my flattiness. It makes my tie look sexier ;D

My school is actually really respectful to things like that, but I've still got bitchy homophobic classmates. Gaah. Can't the world just love and be?

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2011-10-10 22:41:02 +0000 UTC]

The song 'Why can't we be friends' comes to mind. XD

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2012-12-24 03:23:09 +0000 UTC]

Random update, I need your help.

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2012-12-24 06:50:17 +0000 UTC]

Um sure, what do you need help with? o.o

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2012-12-24 06:55:05 +0000 UTC]

u_u Well, this thing has gotten to the point where everyone I meet online, I tell them I'm a male. I feel pretty awful though, and now I'm so confused.

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2012-12-24 07:21:07 +0000 UTC]

Why do you awful? And what are you confused about?

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2012-12-24 16:34:53 +0000 UTC]

Cuz I know now in my heart that I'm not satisfied at all being a female, but I still am, so that makes me a liar ;_;

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2012-12-25 01:07:49 +0000 UTC]

Not really, you said yourself you're confused. You're just trying to make it easier on other in what to call you. :] Don't focus on the pronouns, maybe focus more on a name in general you'd like to be called that's unisex.

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2012-12-25 05:02:40 +0000 UTC]

That makes everything so much more..clearer. Thanks I think that was my issue, making it easier for others.

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evanscense365 In reply to StickWithaPsuedonym [2012-12-25 08:16:04 +0000 UTC]

Any time~ :]

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StickWithaPsuedonym In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-17 18:56:19 +0000 UTC]

Agreed.

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Love-Undefined [2011-10-10 03:02:45 +0000 UTC]

Amazing. I love the way you portrayed this. I wish you all the best.

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evanscense365 In reply to Love-Undefined [2011-10-10 03:10:16 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. c:

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Love-Undefined In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 11:51:11 +0000 UTC]

Anytime!

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Eatingdembabies [2011-10-10 02:26:55 +0000 UTC]

Hey dude, I knoew EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEEEEL.
Because I'm trans-Danny too, haha. xD

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evanscense365 In reply to Eatingdembabies [2011-10-10 02:39:28 +0000 UTC]

You go by Danny to? Nice~! XD Originally I went by 'Cole', but that name didn't feel like it suited me, ya know? Danny has always stuck to me, so I decided to test it out, and it feels much more natural. c:
By the way, I love your username!XD

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Eatingdembabies In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 02:43:28 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, man.

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evanscense365 In reply to Eatingdembabies [2011-10-10 02:44:04 +0000 UTC]

No problem. :]

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tokyoraincloud [2011-10-10 02:13:10 +0000 UTC]

this means so much more to someone who knows how it feels <3 here for you always

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evanscense365 In reply to tokyoraincloud [2011-10-10 02:18:53 +0000 UTC]

Awe, well it's always comforting to have someone around to talk to that can understand how you feel. <3

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MandyB82 [2011-10-10 02:08:57 +0000 UTC]

People just don't understand. I can't completely understand, but that's only because I've never experienced anything like this before. I accept and embrace you, even though I don't completely understand .

Quite frankly phenomenon's such as this greatly fascinate me .

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evanscense365 In reply to MandyB82 [2011-10-10 02:13:33 +0000 UTC]

Thank you my bear. What bothers me is when people don't try to understand, much less accept, the way I see myself. My own sister bluntly told me to stop dressing like a boy and accept being a girl. It hurt, because I thought she was finally starting to understand and accept me. But, what can you do about it?

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MandyB82 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 02:24:25 +0000 UTC]

My husband doesn't understand it either because he can't reconcile it with his religion (we're both Christians, but I'm way less conservative than he is...in fact I don't even consider myself conservative anymore ).
I wish people wouldn't say stuff like that...don't they understand how hurtful it is?

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evanscense365 In reply to MandyB82 [2011-10-10 02:35:49 +0000 UTC]

It's true, depending on who the words come from it can be sharper than a blade. Physical wounds heal, but emotional wounds can leave a mental scar that will never go away. >.o

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MandyB82 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 02:55:15 +0000 UTC]

They do...it's especially bad if a family member says them. I have emotional scars left by my father over the years .

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evanscense365 In reply to MandyB82 [2011-10-10 03:08:18 +0000 UTC]

I can completely sympathize with you there. :[ My birth was planned, yet my own father said my birth was a mistake. Those kinds of comments from your own flesh and blood, are ones that will always stick with you.

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MandyB82 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 03:10:04 +0000 UTC]

Oh no, I can't believe he said that! How horrible!

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evanscense365 In reply to MandyB82 [2011-10-10 03:14:12 +0000 UTC]

It definitely hurt, but I was never close to my father to begin with. There comes a time where you have to accept that even your family can be the toxics that bring you down instead of raise you up like they should. :]

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MandyB82 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 03:29:05 +0000 UTC]

It's sad but true. I was raised Baptist, which means I was raised to put family first and always listen to and believe the grownups. It was a real eye opener when I got older and found out just how fallible those grownups were!

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evanscense365 In reply to MandyB82 [2011-10-10 03:37:36 +0000 UTC]

Well the joys of growing up is you stretch into being your own person, an individual with your own thoughts and points of view. c:

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MandyB82 In reply to evanscense365 [2011-10-10 04:02:24 +0000 UTC]

It took me a little longer to realize that I could think for myself, but when it finally happened, I went all out .

My parents don't know I'm an ally...at 28 I still haven't told them. They don't need to know, and they couldn't handle it anyway.

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