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DieingInReverse — Satisfiying Kill
Published: 2006-04-28 04:16:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 122; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
Stare into my bleeding eyes,And hope that I dont see,
What you tried so hard to hide,
And what you stole from me.
I never thought it would come to this,
But no, I'm glad it has.
Just give and feed my sins,
Give me thoughts of the past.
I've got a thirst for distruction
And it's coming down on you.
Brush away the charred remains,
They're blocking every my view.
You pull me close, then push me down.
With so much force you let me drown
In the words you've sewn to my skull.
Try as you may, your kiss was much to dull.
You just never understood,
But I knew you never would.
It's just a "nothing" reason to kill.
Save your screams, for no one will hear you in Hell.
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Comments: 2
i like the basis of your poem. here are my thoughts:
-in your first stanza, take off the last two lines. your others all have 4 lines. either *separate it* and add two more, or just separate it completely.
-"With so much force you let me drowned," should instead be "drown." it'll sound fine that way, and it's grammatically correct.
-"No matter how hard you try..." "tried" instead
-"But i dont knew you" i think you meant "but i knew"
-"it's just a nothing reason to kill," did you mean "a nothing", or "another"? if "a nothing," then it sounds a bit off.
-"no one will here you in hell." should be "hear."
don't let me critiques fool you, i did like this, especially the last line. you're just a little young; you'll get better with age, as we all do.
oh, and what's the fan fic?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
its a MCR fanfiction, it's posted on Quizilla underthe author 'Cut' and it's called 'As We All Fall Down.'
i'm glad you liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0