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Description

ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

TWO FIGHTERS!

NO RESEARCH!

60 SECONDS!

MELEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GO!

--------------------

MALL MALL, MURICA LAND OF THE FREE

Paul Blart was bored, to say the least

He's been at this mall from 8 this morning, 3 hours earlier than what he normally gets up at, and he hasn't even had his morning coffee yet.

You would think going to work this early meant something was going down, but looking at the mall from outside, nothing really seemed out of place.

That is, until he saw the smoke erupting on the far left.

Come to think of it, he was noticing several loud noises coming from within the building.

It was at this point that Paul entertained the thought of going in to stop it.

It was also at this point that he remembered who he was.

He is Paul Blart.

He is the Mall Cop.

He will stop these crooks damaging his mall, right under his nose, if it's the last thing he'll do.

With a sudden surge of anger, surprising considering Blart's mild mannered nature, he got in his segway and moved through the doors, which were thankfully automatic.

It almost surprised him when he realised the culprits were a group of about four girls, all around the age of 16 to 17.

These girls happened to be the next generation of Remnant's monster slayers, known as Team RWBY, composed of Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, Weiss Schnee and Blake Belladonna.

They had all appeared seemingly out of nowhere in the middle of this mall, and brought with them a couple Grimm they happened to be hunting, hence the smoke.

The creature was dead, but it happened to be dead in the middle of the mall.

Which was exactly when Blart decided to enter.

The scene was awkward to say the least.

"Uh, excuse me, madam? I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The tallest of the group, this one being blonde and abnormally attractive responded, "No way! We have to stay and make sure there aren't anymore Grimm around this place."

Blart really wasn't in the mood today.

"Will I have to escort you out of the premises then, ladies?"

The blonde girl and another member, a goth-looking girl clearly saw this as a threat and adopted what appeared to be fighting stances.

"I guess we'll do it your way then madam," Blart responded. This really wasn't his day

FIGHT!

60!

Blart wished to defuse the situation quickly, so, still riding on the segway, he pulled out a taser and went for the nearest member, who happened to be Weiss

Blart was never great with the taser, if he was to be perfectly honest with himself, and so when he went to shock Weiss, he accidentally spent a bit too long on the mark and instead of just giving her a shock, he ended up knocking her unconscious, perhaps for a while longer than anticipated

45! (Blart is really bad with a taser)

Ruby was the closest to Weiss at the point of Blart tasing the latter, and while Ruby was initially reluctant to fight a middle aged overweight man, seeing her team-mate and close friend Weiss convulsing on the floor angered her, and any problems she might have had with harming Blart were over.

However, when she made a mad dash at the Mall Cop, she made one minor mistake.

That mistake was the decision to fuck with Blart.

Blart's segway made a wild spin, meeting Rose head on, and the sentient segway performed a still wheelie, the front wheel hitting Ruby full force.

Ruby didn't even have time to process how bad she fucked up because her head flew off her fucking shoulders.

35 (Ruby was far away when she dashed, it took 10 seconds)

However, when Blart wasn't looking, the remaining two members, being Yang and Blake, had time to coordinate an attack, and Blake knocked Blart across the main building of the mall, through a wall.

The Mall Cop realised he needed more oomph to beat these last two girls, and remembered:

The Segway.

He didn't want to have to use this, but circumstance demands it.

Without warning, the Segway lying next to Blart exploded in a flash of light, and when the light died down, no Segway nor Blart remained.

In it's place...

Was....

Elder God Blart.

"It's go time."

10!

The Being That Was Blart help up a finger and quite literally flicked Blake away, landing on a place far, far away.

9!

He was about to move onto Yang when he noticed the look on her face.

8!

She seemed to be pleading, but Blart had to concentrate to hear what she had to say.

7!

"PLEASE STOP! NO MORE! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

6!

Blart replied by stating simply, "Get out of my mall."

5!

But she didn't run.

4!

Instead they fucked 321 Blart wins.

THE WINNER OF THIS MELEE IS...

PAUL BLART

ALSO A WINNER IN THIS MELEE...

DONG XIAO LONG

Description

ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

TWO FIGHTERS!

NO RESEARCH!

60 SECONDS!

MELEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GO!

--------------------

MALL MALL, MURICA LAND OF THE FREE

Paul Blart was bored, to say the least

He's been at this mall from 8 this morning, 3 hours earlier than what he normally gets up at, and he hasn't even had his morning coffee yet.

You would think going to work this early meant something was going down, but looking at the mall from outside, nothing really seemed out of place.

That is, until he saw the smoke erupting on the far left.

Come to think of it, he was noticing several loud noises coming from within the building.

It was at this point that Paul entertained the thought of going in to stop it.

It was also at this point that he remembered who he was.

He is Paul Blart.

He is the Mall Cop.

He will stop these crooks damaging his mall, right under his nose, if it's the last thing he'll do.

With a sudden surge of anger, surprising considering Blart's mild mannered nature, he got in his segway and moved through the doors, which were thankfully automatic.

It almost surprised him when he realised the culprits were a group of about four girls, all around the age of 16 to 17.

These girls happened to be the next generation of Remnant's monster slayers, known as Team RWBY, composed of Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, Weiss Schnee and Blake Belladonna.

They had all appeared seemingly out of nowhere in the middle of this mall, and brought with them a couple Grimm they happened to be hunting, hence the smoke.

The creature was dead, but it happened to be dead in the middle of the mall.

Which was exactly when Blart decided to enter.

The scene was awkward to say the least.

"Uh, excuse me, madam? I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The tallest of the group, this one being blonde and abnormally attractive responded, "No way! We have to stay and make sure there aren't anymore Grimm around this place."

Blart really wasn't in the mood today.

"Will I have to escort you out of the premises then, ladies?"

The blonde girl and another member, a goth-looking girl clearly saw this as a threat and adopted what appeared to be fighting stances.

"I guess we'll do it your way then madam," Blart responded. This really wasn't his day

FIGHT!

60!

Blart wished to defuse the situation quickly, so, still riding on the segway, he pulled out a taser and went for the nearest member, who happened to be Weiss

Blart was never great with the taser, if he was to be perfectly honest with himself, and so when he went to shock Weiss, he accidentally spent a bit too long on the mark and instead of just giving her a shock, he ended up knocking her unconscious, perhaps for a while longer than anticipated

45! (Blart is really bad with a taser)

Ruby was the closest to Weiss at the point of Blart tasing the latter, and while Ruby was initially reluctant to fight a middle aged overweight man, seeing her team-mate and close friend Weiss convulsing on the floor angered her, and any problems she might have had with harming Blart were over.

However, when she made a mad dash at the Mall Cop, she made one minor mistake.

That mistake was the decision to fuck with Blart.

Blart's segway made a wild spin, meeting Rose head on, and the sentient segway performed a still wheelie, the front wheel hitting Ruby full force.

Ruby didn't even have time to process how bad she fucked up because her head flew off her fucking shoulders.

35 (Ruby was far away when she dashed, it took 10 seconds)

However, when Blart wasn't looking, the remaining two members, being Yang and Blake, had time to coordinate an attack, and Blake knocked Blart across the main building of the mall, through a wall.

The Mall Cop realised he needed more oomph to beat these last two girls, and remembered:

The Segway.

He didn't want to have to use this, but circumstance demands it.

Without warning, the Segway lying next to Blart exploded in a flash of light, and when the light died down, no Segway nor Blart remained.

In it's place...

Was....

Elder God Blart.

"It's go time."

10!

The Being That Was Blart help up a finger and quite literally flicked Blake away, landing on a place far, far away.

9!

He was about to move onto Yang when he noticed the look on her face.

8!

She seemed to be pleading, but Blart had to concentrate to hear what she had to say.

7!

"PLEASE STOP! NO MORE! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

6!

Blart replied by stating simply, "Get out of my mall."

5!

But she didn't run.

4!

Instead they fucked 321 Blart wins.

THE WINNER OF THIS MELEE IS...

PAUL BLART

ALSO A WINNER IN THIS MELEE...

DONG XIAO LONG