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edit: IM DOING A LOT BETTER NOW <3

hey all. i've needed to adress many things so here's the post for it.
i am also disabling comments because i dont need anyone's opinion about this stuff.
i am not okay.
and i know that IS an edgy thing to say but, i am certainly a mess. i am scared of everyone. i cant do this anymore. i feel like i cant even love anyone anymore, because i'm scared i'll fall deep into love with them like how i did before, and they wont love me anymore and i'll hurt again. i dont wanna get hurt again. its best for me to lay off of relationships. (no, i haven't been in one since may 17th.) and although i only like 2 people, i'm scared. i have shown affection to both of them but i feel as if i need to stop or else ill grow attached and shit and i dont wanna get thrown down again.
another thing by the 'i'm not okay'
i really am not. i haven't really slept well the past few months because of !!!!, and i feel utterly horrible about myself at times. i feel im not worth it and nobody should even like me because i'm so disgusting.
i sent an apology to !!!! and i do not think they care. if anything, that is a good thing. i would do anything for them to love me again but, it's not always a happy ending. they do not love me and i respect that.
i just want to be loved.
i never really loved anyone that much, but thats okay because they are doing well now and they are with better people.
as much as i want them with me i feel better that they are with people that make them happier.
all i wanted was to see them happy.
i failed my job i guess.
i have gotten in contact with k and we have forgiven eachother. i know, i said a lot of things about them but they did not deserve THAT much and yes what they did was wrong, but they have changed and i am happy about that.
please forgive me, !!!!.
also, i feel like i shouldnt even talk to them because if i do ill develop feelings like i did last time.
yeah.
i dont know if i will post today but,
yeah.
if you would like to talk at all, anyone, here's my discord.
chemicalology#3922

sorry for the long paragraph. i just needed to get all of this out.

Description
edit: IM DOING A LOT BETTER NOW <3

hey all. i've needed to adress many things so here's the post for it.
i am also disabling comments because i dont need anyone's opinion about this stuff.
i am not okay.
and i know that IS an edgy thing to say but, i am certainly a mess. i am scared of everyone. i cant do this anymore. i feel like i cant even love anyone anymore, because i'm scared i'll fall deep into love with them like how i did before, and they wont love me anymore and i'll hurt again. i dont wanna get hurt again. its best for me to lay off of relationships. (no, i haven't been in one since may 17th.) and although i only like 2 people, i'm scared. i have shown affection to both of them but i feel as if i need to stop or else ill grow attached and shit and i dont wanna get thrown down again.
another thing by the 'i'm not okay'
i really am not. i haven't really slept well the past few months because of !!!!, and i feel utterly horrible about myself at times. i feel im not worth it and nobody should even like me because i'm so disgusting.
i sent an apology to !!!! and i do not think they care. if anything, that is a good thing. i would do anything for them to love me again but, it's not always a happy ending. they do not love me and i respect that.
i just want to be loved.
i never really loved anyone that much, but thats okay because they are doing well now and they are with better people.
as much as i want them with me i feel better that they are with people that make them happier.
all i wanted was to see them happy.
i failed my job i guess.
i have gotten in contact with k and we have forgiven eachother. i know, i said a lot of things about them but they did not deserve THAT much and yes what they did was wrong, but they have changed and i am happy about that.
please forgive me, !!!!.
also, i feel like i shouldnt even talk to them because if i do ill develop feelings like i did last time.
yeah.
i dont know if i will post today but,
yeah.
if you would like to talk at all, anyone, here's my discord.
chemicalology#3922

sorry for the long paragraph. i just needed to get all of this out.