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cas166644 — alternatives
Published: 2010-06-08 05:18:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 300; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 5
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Description
she hates this.hates the smell on her fingers, her clothes, her hair.
hates the way it makes her lungs burn.
hates the way it makes her mouth taste.
but it's better than the alternative.
it's better than the flashing silver,
the metal that haunts her nightmares.
it's better than the counting,
the exercising,
the obsessing.
in some ways it's almost worse.
it's just killing her slower,
taking more time than all the rest.
but at least this is "normal".
at least this won't land her in a ward,
where she'll be trapped forever.
at least this isn't considered a disease.
at least they don't hand you bottles to "cure" you,
even though all the pills do is make it worse.
she's had those pills before,
and she hates than much more than this.
the pills took the colors out of life.
sure they made some of it go away,
but in the end the pills
stole the highs as well as the lows.
she still feels guilty,
knowing the consequences
of these actions are sometimes worse.
but this won't get looks of disgust. pity.
this won't cause an "intervention".
and she's addicted.
the drugs flowing through her system now
make her shaky,
but the drug also takes away her stress.
she takes another puff,
the last one,
and crushes what's left under her shoe.
sure, she hates to smoke,
but it's better than the alternatives.
