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broke4ua — broke in 2
Published: 2003-07-01 05:52:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 527; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 63
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Description She lays on the ground,
Covered in blood paralyzed by fear,
She stabbed herself until she couldn\'t feel,
Her heart dead,
Her soul about to follow,
Downward it feel into the darkness,
the demons lurching at her and grabbing her wrists,
Pushing her down and jumping on top of her,
She screamed in fear,
Only wanting out,
Dark and evil though the demons seem,
They are the closest thing to a friend she will ever again see,
No light or happiness is known,
She will spend forever in this shit hole,
Fighting off the evil,
Never finding a friend,
Engulfed in pain and hate that will never end,
consuming her soul making her cry,
Oh how she had thought it would be better to die
She never should have listened to that girl inside.
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Comments: 41

panther420 [2006-10-11 08:40:21 +0000 UTC]

there are a few typos I believe but besides that it is an enjoyable read....perhaps the reason you stopped feeling the way you felt when you began the poem was because you were able to let those nasty emotions flow from your mind onto the paper

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broke4ua In reply to panther420 [2006-10-12 20:53:37 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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mngamojemo [2004-05-05 17:16:04 +0000 UTC]

In my opinion, this poem would have a smoother flow if you got rid of the commas at the end of many of the lines. These commas make the lines drop off and lend an otherwise fine work an amateur feel.

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broke4ua In reply to mngamojemo [2004-05-05 19:19:28 +0000 UTC]

okay i wont do that anymore

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celeste718 [2004-04-29 18:43:04 +0000 UTC]

your work reminds me of myself, I like it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

broke4ua In reply to celeste718 [2004-04-29 19:22:43 +0000 UTC]

thanx

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

celeste718 In reply to broke4ua [2004-04-29 20:43:32 +0000 UTC]

your welcome. drop by AIM, yahoo or msn messanger and say hi sometime. My sn are on my profile

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broke4ua In reply to celeste718 [2004-04-29 21:24:33 +0000 UTC]

um its not on ur page

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celeste718 In reply to broke4ua [2004-04-29 21:29:43 +0000 UTC]

well damn, my AIM and yahoo sn is gothchef83 and my msn messanger is unicornbaby_718@msn.com

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broke4ua In reply to celeste718 [2004-04-29 21:50:40 +0000 UTC]

okay thanx

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celeste718 In reply to broke4ua [2004-04-29 23:19:34 +0000 UTC]

no problem

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broke4ua In reply to celeste718 [2004-04-29 21:23:43 +0000 UTC]

will do

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Wolfwarrior [2004-04-22 15:33:30 +0000 UTC]

Very powerful, you expressed the emotions very well

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broke4ua In reply to Wolfwarrior [2004-04-22 15:57:12 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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Wolfwarrior In reply to broke4ua [2004-04-22 20:41:10 +0000 UTC]

your welcome

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summitgirl [2004-04-21 15:48:22 +0000 UTC]

thats awesome! your getting a favorite as well!

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broke4ua In reply to summitgirl [2004-04-21 15:50:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you

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AlexxTheX-Echidna [2004-04-08 17:54:52 +0000 UTC]

(prepare for a dark comment)
This poem is dark... BUT NOT AS DARK AS MY SOUL. Heh. I wanted to say that.. my soul isn't dark, it's very bright, actually. I mean, it's so bright, that the other souls need to wear sunglasses. Seriously. Well, anyway, very good poem. It sounds pretty much like my own, so I like it!

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broke4ua In reply to AlexxTheX-Echidna [2004-04-08 18:06:47 +0000 UTC]

thanx lol your kinda funny

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AlexxTheX-Echidna In reply to broke4ua [2004-04-08 20:32:52 +0000 UTC]

I know. Say it, don't spray it!

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broke4ua In reply to AlexxTheX-Echidna [2004-04-08 20:45:38 +0000 UTC]

sorry sprayings just so much more fun *sprays more*

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the-true-beast [2004-03-29 23:22:48 +0000 UTC]

Great work ,keep it coming.

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broke4ua In reply to the-true-beast [2004-03-30 05:04:08 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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WindBurned [2004-03-15 03:08:33 +0000 UTC]

that is very powerful! ... i can relate... big big for u!

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broke4ua In reply to WindBurned [2004-03-15 03:09:49 +0000 UTC]

thanx ya I was very disturbed when I wrote that. In a way I'm better now but I dont think I actually will ever be

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Broken-Hearted-Again [2003-12-12 17:40:45 +0000 UTC]

hey man your pretty talented yaself

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

broke4ua In reply to Broken-Hearted-Again [2003-12-12 17:41:30 +0000 UTC]

Thanx thats like my only good one

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Broken-Hearted-Again In reply to broke4ua [2003-12-13 01:46:25 +0000 UTC]

i havent sepreated ya work from good o bad yet all i know is all ive seen so far is gfood

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broke4ua In reply to Broken-Hearted-Again [2003-12-13 03:22:19 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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bleedingpairs [2003-11-02 21:58:58 +0000 UTC]

The emotions expressed are very powerful. Bolshy kudos.

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broke4ua In reply to bleedingpairs [2003-11-02 22:17:28 +0000 UTC]

Thanx for the comment im glad you like it

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Silver-Rage [2003-10-12 15:39:28 +0000 UTC]

Wow this is really good stuff.

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broke4ua In reply to Silver-Rage [2003-10-12 15:42:51 +0000 UTC]

Thanx

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halfway2nowhere [2003-08-29 11:32:34 +0000 UTC]

This is awesome! It's so dark and the imagery in it's excellent, nice work!

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loveless-lost [2003-08-21 22:08:29 +0000 UTC]

omg very very emotional and dark really good !!! thanks agin for commenting!!

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broke4ua In reply to loveless-lost [2003-08-21 22:17:47 +0000 UTC]

thanx for the comment.

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ktraincoat [2003-07-30 06:53:02 +0000 UTC]

woooooow, i like that. its really dark...

i hope sohi (the-sohi, that is) has a look at your page, he'd love this. ill tell him to

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brinx- [2003-07-23 00:28:48 +0000 UTC]

Good stuff. Dark but with some interesting stark imagery too.

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-f-e-a-r- [2003-07-03 05:18:57 +0000 UTC]

Excellent poem....it's so sad and powerful. Thanks for the comment too.

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yellownoodles [2003-07-01 17:27:11 +0000 UTC]

wow. it's so good. it really moved me. it makes me want to cry as well.

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darkcrescendo [2003-07-01 06:14:07 +0000 UTC]

Very dark. I like it.

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