brokendreams02 [2004-11-16 01:43:01 +0000 UTC]

I can relate alot to this, its good, but sad Im sorry you feel so left out, Im not you, but I know how it feels it sucks, I took the blade to my flesh so many times my thights were coved in blood none stop you couldn't even she my pale skin and though its not worth it, people, life nothings worth tearing up your body god gave you. It tears me apart now to see others go throw what I did, hosptils, doctors, shots, pills, wont help it, you have to believe in yourself 1st. I hope you get better, and to tell you the truth it never really goes away, Sharp objects, and the word cut always rings my attation. Bad days come and go, happy days are one in a few, but you have to learn to control yourself and not let it get to you
I know your prob. thinking who the hell is this, cause I know I would think the same, but just read you poems and your poems sound like you in pain, Im sorry

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DarkVelvetXXX [2004-11-13 16:29:41 +0000 UTC]

cool

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VampiresPromise [2004-11-11 16:28:48 +0000 UTC]

This is good, its not necesarily the words, but the point being made in the first place. How you express your feelings and thoughts. This is by no means bad, I am adding it to my favorites.

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SteelVenom [2004-11-09 21:26:19 +0000 UTC]

I was happy,
But now I am,
Broken,
Alone,
Empty,
Angry,

OK, I really liked this BUT I think it would be better if you just changed how it looked (I think punctuation and how a poem is written can sometimes help make certain things even stronger; clearer)

I was happy,
But now I am broken,
Alone,
Empty,
Angry,
-----------------
This razor won’t stop moving,

"moving" is not the right word here. You want something more painful...like biting, tearing, searing....somehting of that nature
--------------------
Youll find I critique the most when I like the poem....it doesnt mean poems I dont critique I dont like its just I want to make sure you eliminate the weak parts-I thought this poem was very strong. I loved it actually, just wanted to help you understand where the weak points were so you could make it the best it could be

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TorridAngel [2004-11-09 19:03:10 +0000 UTC]

wait..it doesnt say wont stop.....

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sintu [2004-11-09 17:05:24 +0000 UTC]

hey wait.. this is good!!!! i think the only reason "won't stop" stands out is cuz u mentioned it .. but it sounds fine .. like that ..

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