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bitybaby45 — Untitled
Published: 2012-06-15 10:05:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 69; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
It's as though we're all in slow motion,Like we're all treading water in this godforsaken desert
Because the valley's filled up and no one can swim, but it's alright;
I can fix it.
Or are we all floating
Someone turned the gravity off, you lawbreakers--
There's nothing to hold on to! No trees, no ropes, but it's alright;
I can fix it.
Shit, no that's not it at all!
We're all burning, blistering, melting and rotting
The sun is my enemy, we're on fire, we're on fire! Hey, it's alright!
I can fix it.
Here I am.
Waterlogged, heavy, and singed.
I saved you (who didn't need saving),
But forgot to save myself.
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Comments: 2
Interesting, but the metaphors of burning and drowning together come across as a little muddled to me. You might want to cut "It's as though" from the last stanza, it doesn't seem necessary. All in all, I think it's worth working on, the idea is solid.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much! I'll do that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0