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Ayemae — Lapse: Descent
Published: 2011-11-13 21:29:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 1327; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 0
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First Page 
(Also on Smack Jeeves .)
For the moment, this is a stand-in cover-thing for my comic, 'Lapse'. |D;
It's Bianca again, so I guess this marks the first time I've posted more than one picture of an original character of mine on here.
Critiques would be great, but of course aren't necessary. I'm interested to know what people think, so any kind of feedback would be wonderful. 
those stairs uggggghhhh
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Comments: 26
I like the work you did with the textures, it adds a soft water colour feel to the piece. The concept is intriguing and over all the image leads the viewer wanting to know more. The black silhouetted girl is slightly distracting though and doesn't quite fit in, perhaps instead of just a block of colour you could of done her in deep shadow and maybe somewhere else on the page, so the eye eases towards the image more. Also this is just a little nag but the signature can be somewhat distracting. All an all it's a good cover.
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Oh, thank you very much! I'll definitely play around with that silhouette a bit more, and I'll try lowering the opacity of the signature as well.
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I think this is a really beautiful piece! It really does have that cover/poster appearance which is very nicely executed. At the same time just removing the title would make a fitting art piece on its own, which I think is a great trait. The overall concept and layout is intriguing, and it's full of life with each character having their own expression, pose, and purpose in the picture.
The dark tone of the whole thing really adds a mysterious, kinda haunting atmosphere to me. I don't know the content of this story, but from the look of the piece my mind is already shuffling through different ideas. A good thing, I think, as it gives just enough information to keep you wondering (and furthermore wanting to read more) while not flat-out showing you what the plot is about. Also a good trait in covers.
The stairs look really nice to me, as well as the general background design. The characters are also nicely designed, and each look unique (even the woman who's face is hidden). Their body language expresses a great deal and further adds to that curiosity. I want to know why the one Bianca is on the floor and why the standing Bianca looks so worried! Along with so many other things.
I'm not entirely sure what to think of the paper-ish texture. In a way I think it may be too harsh. While the BG carries the blunt of the texture (which wants to remind me of crayon coloring for some reason) the characters sorta lack that so it has a distinctive clash. The texture does add to the feeling of the picture, but perhaps just lightening it a bit would help ease that.
The man's position also sorta threw me off a little. It took me a couple glances to realize he was holding a cane cause it sorta blends into the doorway. The little girl silhouette also sorta blends into the couch. It may just be my monitor, but I didn't even notice she was there at first. Perhaps making her and the couch contrast a bit more would help, unless you purposefully want her to be hard to see, which would make sense in a way.
Also, the title looks really pixellated, which sorta bothers me. Not sure if you intended for it to look like that or not. While it looks fine zoomed out, and I really like the design of it, those nasty little pixels do kinda throw me off.
Other than that, I think your anatomy is great, as are your poses and expressions. A really unique piece and I think you did a fabulous job! It really does make me curious for what this story holds. Bianca looks like a very interesting character~ C:
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I edited it, so hopefully it looks a bit better now. I'm not sure about the title still, but I'm trying to come up with another solution for it.
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Oh yes, it certainly does! The shift of the girl silhouette is a lot better, as is the man's position.
Nicely edited~ I'm sure you'll find a solution to the title. I wish I could be of better suggestion but I'm not certain either aside from just manually going in and delicately smoothing out those little pixels with a brush/eraser.
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Oh hey, I hadn't realized that they let me view these again post-subsription. 8D; In any case, a while back I fixed the pixely title since I could get the 'ripped' look I was going for to behave for me. It should look better now.
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pfff we learn something every day 8D
But yes, looks very good now! Sorta looks kinda "misty" which makes me think even more of ghosts :U
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Well, smoothing it out isn't the problem, since the original file is a vector and it's already quite smooth. The problem is that I want it to retain that ripped look somehow. .-.
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Oh, thank you so much for the amazing critique! 
I was feeling a bit iffy on the prevalence of the texture myself, so I'll definitely try toning that down when I get the opportunity (my computer is being fixed at the moment D: ). The title is intentionally pixelated to give it a kind of worn look which I got positive responses to before I made the lettering thicker and lowered the opacity. Looking at it now, I think you're right; I'm definitely going to have to account for the changes and approach that another way. It doesn't quite look intentional as is.
As for the cane/doorway, I definitely had the feeling they were going to be problematic as I was drawing it, which is why even now the angle the cane is at is a bit lower than I'd like. Unfortunately for that I just couldn't think of a good solution.
As for the little girl silhouette, it's definitely harder to see than I wanted. Sadly, that's mostly because I made the mistake of composing the figures before I had a layout of the background. 
Thanks again, you're awesome!
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Very interesting. I'm excited to see what happens next. Also, I love the style and perspective.
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Thank you so much! I put a lot of work into the art so it's always great to hear comments like that.
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I like Bean on the floor. She looks really pretty (xD). I think the way the picture is colored/shaded/tinted is nice; it looks really cool like an old photograph, or like its been washed out.
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Yaaaaay, that was my inspiration, so I'm glad you caught on to it. 
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Oh my, this is quite interesting looking. I don't really know much I'd critique on, but the way the right foot is resting on the stair step for the body doesn't look right-- for a corpse, and probably a more recently deceased one, her body shouldn't be so stiff that her foot would be up like that, since right now, it looks like it's up in the air.
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Ahhhh, you're right. That foot actually used to be resting on that stair, but I moved her down and forgot to account for that. :I I'll have to fix that.
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Yay! I pointed out something you could fix! XD
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I am not a premie but I will still critque this as best i can if you'll allow me:
I LOOOVE this style you used, the brushing and ect. It loks all papery and the shading and shadowing is excellent. I like how you portrayed thier expressions, especially the girl. I especially like the tricks my eyes play, when i look at the shadow on the stairs, it looks like it's moving!!! X3 Love that! The only things I would suggest to your for this is toning down the girl's shadow at the end of the couch, and making the people's ghosts-or whatever you made them- a little lighter, as well as the title. They don't seem transparent enough for me... but I may be wrong!!! 
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Oh, thank you so much! That was incredibly helpful. 
As for the transparency, I tried changing their opacity a few times, but ultimately I decided to keep them more solid looking, as that's more how they'd look over the course of the story and I didn't want the picture to look too washed out overall.
Thank you again, you were a great help!
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Glad you fixed the stuff you fixed!!
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Aww, thank you so much!
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