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arteater1 In reply to ??? [2019-06-28 23:08:19 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much. She was the best cat I ever saw and did nothing in this world but teach me to be a better human being. She taught me love without focusing on looks and patience with others and not to worry about tomorrow and so many others. She even taught me how to die with the heart of a lion. I pray I see her again.

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arteater1 In reply to WingDiamond [2017-12-26 23:01:17 +0000 UTC]

I'm grateful for the comment. I still miss her so much. I think animals are a genuine gift to human beings and not so many people even understand the gift they are. I guess I see it like this for the greater part. If you do good to animals they do good back to you and if you do good to most human beings, they give nothing back usually and can't even say thank-you anymore no matter what you do. I gave a needy person over $200.00 this Christmas and not one word did she ever utter to me and that happens all the time as I try hard to make this a bit nicer world.

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-04 14:30:03 +0000 UTC]

I wish everyone could see things as well as you do, but so many say "Hi" and "Bye" everyday to their pets and let them alone 20 hours a day and sleep the rest of the time so they do very little for a pet really. I do spend time and plenty of love with any pet I ever have and Yes, they do give more than they get in my mind.
I love these three things in life still and that's kids, animals and the arts way more than most any human being because all I see in people are liars and cheats and users and people that want to make war more than anything else.

I wish we had them longer in life but to be honest I think that's why God gave them such short lives is to remind us all that one day each of us will face the same end and get our lives in order and start loving people.
It's love and kindness that is of value and wealth and power means nothing in the end. I wish I did a better job getting along with adults but all kids and all animals love me for sure.
I'm glad to see you got another pup in life that needed a friend and you two got together.
They truly do give so much and get so little I think.

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SaraQ2 In reply to arteater1 [2016-12-04 15:07:11 +0000 UTC]

I get along with animals best, certainly better than with most people,
I agree with you on many of the things you say!

And it's true they give more theb they get. My new puppy
makes me so happy, just walikng him, and whenever he brings a toy over because he just
wants to be with me and play with me. And my old boy just likes to curl up on my feet...

I hope the time I spend with them, and all the care i give them at least
makes them as happy as They make. me

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-06 00:03:14 +0000 UTC]

I have little respect for most people I guess to be honest as they all seem to do nothing but lie or take advantage of you and get mean and nasty to everyone if things don't go their way. We seem to be a very cold, uncaring, violent species that has little respect much less love for living things. Human beings are mostly interested in themselves and nothing about others much less animals so.....the point is, we agree about loving animals. I think it's mostly american society that's like this and many other parts of the world are better it seems to me.

You see.....I can't even come close to reading your second paragraph about how happy the pup makes you without me laughing and giggling and smiling and feeling good inside. I just relate so much to your words because it's happened to me many times too. They just bound around the house being happy and loving life. I wish I could feel that again like I did when I was younger at least the tiny few days that I actually felt that. I came from a family of drunks and alcoholics so life was difficult for me to say the least.

In my whole life I have come across two groups of people that are almost always.....ALWAYS  way above most others human beings in terms of kindness and being nice people. The two groups are animal shelter people, that seem to be able to love way beyond the normal population and golfers that are always much nicer than most other people. Chess players are usually also pretty nice but not as much as animal lovers at all.

I met this girl a while back and she was really pretty and thin and all that, and I was taken with her, but she told me on our first date she didn't like animal because they were dirty and smelled bad. My stomach churned and got upset as I knew we would never have anything in common and I could never end up liking her and of course I never saw her again because I knew this was going nowhere. Yes animals do get dirty and smell bad when they are neglected but how can they do the right things when human beings make them live in dirt, mud and trash outside in the wild. I've never met a bad one ever that wasn't abused and even they have never bitten me one time ever, if you're nice and calm with them and show even a small amount of love. I'm sure you already knew that.
All the best. denn~

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SaraQ2 In reply to arteater1 [2016-12-06 09:17:15 +0000 UTC]

I don't know if it is american society or not, it seems to me it has more to do with
the hability people have in them to care about things in general, and not entirely the society
they live in, though that obviously has an effect on their behaviour. We do seem to agree
on a lot of things about people in general and our species as a whole.

I'm glad I got you to smile and feel good though! I don't have all that many reasons to myself,
most of the time, not that I'm complaining about my life, I'm quite lucky, and I know it.
But I do feel better whenever my Thorin, or Tuga, come bouding up to me
 and just want to play or cuddle. Thorin is a great cuddler!

And you must be right about animal lovers and chess players, I love animals and
I play some chess, and I like to think I'm at least a nice person, if not a good one.
(And i'd love to play golf, by the way!)

Totally relate to you on people who don't understand animals and how much we are at fault
for their behaviour! Whenever someone tells me they don't feel pain, I feel like smackig them in face
 and ask them if they didn't feel it!!

Thanks for letting me ramble, it was nice talking to you.

Greetings  

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-09 23:58:27 +0000 UTC]

My cats love to stay really close to me and hang out too as my pup is now gone and past. Dogs are the best friends of course I think but some cats are just as good, but not as many I guess. I'm lucky in that all animals seem to just love me as many people have commented on too. I love that fact that they find me a friend and not going to hurt them at all.

Don't EVER play golf!!! It's an infection and turns into a disability!!!
I've won many sports all over the country and yet golf is by far the most difficult and can never be mastered. You get good and then lose it and then get fairly good and lose it. So many pro players are great for a year and never heard from again. If you just love the people and art of the courses and being outdoors, then golf is your sport. Golf NEVER makes me angry even when I miss a shot as I love it for all the right reasons and not how I play so much. I wish I could teach you the game as it's the best fame ever invented I think but it isn't cheap either.
I wish I could be there when you smack some clown. I would love to see some fool get whats coming to them and see that lesson.
They feel things just like we do much of the time and get scared all the time too...just like us.

Our differences on society will clear up for you soon when you get more experience and see how most (not all) of the people in a country get brainwashed into believing and acting just like the others before them. One society brings up the next society and each one gets worse and worse lately without a doubt at least here in the U.S.

Of course we have a small number of independent thinkers that see the truth and won't get too brainwashed, but it isn't that many and of course the young people are gone and done......they believe everything our government and T.V. programs them for as we continue to drop every year in education. We're now 38th in math and 36th in science as our kids can't get out of bed and pass a test as their much too busy rapping, playing ball or tweeting each other with stupid junk made for fools.

Okay...nothing but good things to you and best wishes. denn

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SaraQ2 In reply to arteater1 [2016-12-10 09:47:31 +0000 UTC]

I think cats are trying to kill me, most of the cats who adopted me
were fine, but some of them would just attempt to trip me at the least
opportune moment. I think those were cats that all came from other
people before living with me, so maybe it was their fault and not mine?
My pup sneak attacks me too sometimes, but I generally know what he's
up to, so maybe I just don't get sneaky cats?

Thanks for the advice on golf, but I think I'd be more interested in spending
time outdoors and enjoying it, than actually taking the game particularly serious.
I find that it is particularly relaxing for me to be outdoors as much as possible,
so i don't think i'd be too upset if i really sucked at it!

I used to play tennis, i was good at it, and my coach used to say I was very talented
but you need a lot of money to play real tennis in Portugal, like i wanted to, and you
end up having to leave the country at a very young age to really train. So I ended up
quitting tennis to finish my studies instead. I think that's the one thing I really regret,
quitting tennis, I really enjoyed playing, still miss it sometimes now. Now I get to play
with a tennins ball with my pup, and that's great too, he really loves running after that ball!

You're not likely to see me slap someone nowadays as you would have been
when I was younger, i'd probably slap them silly then. Now I tend to avoid conflict
and situations that mess with my nervous system, it's not in its best condition,
so, doctors orders, don't get in upsetting situations.

I think our society as whole is the same, people are taught one way, and that does not change.
those with money do as they please and those without endure it.

we had a four year governement with people who lied to get there, and it was obvious they were lying
to anyone with one working braincell,
and most people still voted for them, and still voted for them again four years later,
when they spent those four years doing the opposite of what they said they would do, and robbing us,
not just of our money and jobs, but even our dignity!
Fortunately our opposition managed a three party solution to keep them out, but the problem,
is that our political class is all the same in the end, even if at surface they sound different.

Best wishes to you and your cats, and keep helping our animal friends as you've done so far!
Greetings  

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-11 23:25:02 +0000 UTC]

Oh no that's soooooo not true my friend. Cats aren't trying to kill you at all, and they trip up everyone cutting under our feet and leading us to their bowls and things and criss crossing in front of us. Every cat I ever had does that, as it's just in their nature is all. They can't talk to us so they use other ways to try and communicate to us what they want is all. Dogs get under our feet too but not as much I guess because they have been with human beings about 100,000 years now and they know the ropes, where cats have been with humans for only about 5,000 years starting with the Egyptians, so they are still a work in progress for all of us. And they're not sneaky at all, but just really smart and cleaver as they're some of the best hunters on the planet so we mistake that for being sneaky when it's simply a good survival hunting technique is all don't you think??


I've won so many awards in sports all over this country. Golf is just one of them plus many awards as a soldier in the Army. I was not so good in tennis really and had to work hard at being good in golf. I too don't take it serious anymore and just like being outside as it also makes me feel good and relaxed. I'm never scared in the woods and yet many parts of our big cities I would never walk through any time of day as they are full of black thugs and criminals all over this country. We have about 35,000 gang killings every year too as our justice system keeps failing more and more. That's what happens when you fail to get educated and then can't get a decent job but......BUT....I can tell you that many people just love crime and hurting others and with many there is no good excuse for the way they live. They're just not like us or most other people is the truth. We'd like to think love will change them, and some it will, but most just like the thug life style and will never change and someones life means nothing to them.

Too bad you didn't take tennis farther and see what could have been huh?? Tennis is a nice life it seems to me and not so hard on the body like football or rugby and such.

YOu have a really good understanding of the money situation. The rich rule everyone else and we never make enough to change that usually as we end up struggling all our lives. I wish I would have understood that earlier and did some things differently is all. I had no parents to teach me anything and had to learn all on my own. I never thought monwey was important at all and today it's the ONLY thing anyone cares about. I dislike this society a great deal or at least I don't feel like being like them.

Your government is EXACTLY LIKE OURS....exactly!
The democrats hate the republicans and so forth and yet they're both just as lying and corrupt as any of the others, and yet the people are brainwashed into thinking it's those "other guys" that are the problem. They're almost all corrupt and self-serving and lie about everything ALL THE TIME so it seems we have no chance of ever having a friend to the working class in high places. Governments are corrupt all over the world and enslave the people and have the power to hurt and destroy, so we can't win very often, unless we ALL RISE up and fight in some way together like Gandhi did or we did in the 1960s here with Kennedy.

We need to kick them all out and start over like George Washington said. "The people get the government they deserve" has been written many many times and its true, unless your willing to fight and vote right and study the facts and care, we will always be ruled by a handful of lying thieves.
Too bad because this is the most beautiful of all planets in the universe I think and what a life it could be if we all cared about each other and all living things.
Amy all good things in life be yours. denn~

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SaraQ2 In reply to arteater1 [2016-12-12 08:49:36 +0000 UTC]

I was joking about the cats trying to kill me, i know they're
and that being sneaky is in their hunter's nature. It's jus that
they tripped me up so much....!

Tennis is a very difficult life, you have to practice many hours a day,
and some games can last up to four hours. Tennis is also terrible on every part
of your body, and can cause injuries to the ankles, wrists, elbows, shoulders, knees,
back, feet, hands, and it requires phisical preparation that you have no idea!!
You have to control food intakes, exercise, sleeping hours, and if you play the tournaments
It's constant travelling. I've never played rugby, I played soccer, and it didn't seem as hard
as tennis to me, or maybe they're not just so different, and I was already used to the process.

I live in a small city, so, things are mostly peaceful here, I wouldn't know anything about gangs
and such, but I do agree on the politics.
Our new government is pretty much better than than the previous one, and yet, deep down
I can't say they are really different.

 

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-15 14:59:35 +0000 UTC]

Sorry, I thought you were joking a little but serious about the cats trying to cause you to trip up and fall. I should have known better. Mine do the same things as they dart between my feet. To them, we're traveling in slow motion and they see a path between moving feet like a high speed freeway is whats happening.

I don't know that much about tennis, but I've been a high level athlete all my life since I can remember and have practiced almost everyday of my life doing things most human beings could never come close to doing. Like the countless times I push a full size care around the block RUNNING to make it harder trying to build muscles up. Every time I complete a city block I throw up and almost pass out as it's so grueling.
I was a decorated soldier and won Soldier of The Year award for the ENTIRE U.S. ARMY and there's only one of those per year in the world. Standing ovations of 55,000 people for football and won so many golf events and two man beach volleyballs tournaments they're hard to count. Soccer and tennis are the only ones I've never played at a high level I guess but sports were part of my life since I can remember.

For me, I found out I did so much with sports to dissipate the anxiety that I had as a child so it became like a drug to me in some ways to feel safe and calm. I guess it was a coping mechanism from the alcoholic drugged up parents I was unlucky enough to have.

All cities have the good and bad points I guess but over here our large cities are all bankrupt and gone to blacks and minorities that we all pay for in taxes to support. Those of us that actually WORK could use the money to as wages are horrible here and no increases have come through in the last 30 years. Wall-Marts and all the service industry jobs wages are between $7.25 and $8.45 an hour and usually only 32 hours a week so they don't pay benefits at all either. 47 MILLION americans get food stamps now so they can eat from the government as they live in poverty and our corrupt lousy leaders do nothing about it but get rich themselves, and I MEAN RICH! Our leaders are all millionaires as they work in government; so tell me how that happens every-time??

We have over FOUR MILLION  people in our prisons here and could have 10 million if we had room and each one costs us $36,000 a year to feed and care for PER YEAR. So this isn't the land we try to get people to think it is. I wish I had never been a soldier for this country.

They're all the same and all corrupt to some degree but there are some that are much better than others. Those Scandinavian countries do pretty well at running those smaller countries for example and yes they have high taxes but they give the people so much for free too.
Anyhow...nothing is going to change talking about it.

It's getting cold here now and winter is upon us. I hope your nice and warm and doing well
All the best.

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SaraQ2 In reply to arteater1 [2016-12-16 10:25:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm quite sure whatever you did in the army was far harder
then any sports practise. Not just physically but mentally as well.
I'm sorry you are so disappointed in your own country after all your effort.

I was joking about the cats, but you really don't have to apologise,
i'm told my sense of humour is sometimes incomprehensible.
People just stare at me unsure if i'm serious or joking face to face
so I imagine it's even more confusing in writing.

I'm sorry about how unlucky you were with your parents.
I was very lucky, and I still got people who mistreated me for it,
and I didn't understand why as a child. It made me quite suspicious
of other people, even to this day I have trouble understand how some
people act and think.

Unfortunately I live in one of those smaller countries, and I assure you
the northern countries are not doing a good job at running us.
Our economy is now getting better because we're making an effort
NOT to let them run us! While they were in charge unemployment grew about 10%
wages lowered, prices went up, people lost their homes, people who
depended on the help of others for even food grew exponentially...
It was a mess.

Either way, you are right, they are all corrupt to some degree
and nothing will change talking about it.

Thank you for the warm wishes, it's not as cold as it is there, I believe,
But we're having the coldest winter in about 100 years, so...
I am warm enough though, thank you, and I wish the same to you.

Best wishes
 

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arteater1 In reply to SaraQ2 [2016-12-18 14:40:17 +0000 UTC]

My duty in the Army was harder than I believed it could be prior to entry, but most of that was because I was intent on doing so well and advancing in rank. I became a sergeant E-5 in the first six months and then off to OCS (officer candidate school). It's not because I was so gun-ho or so committed to freedom or anything like that, but the facts are that the higher rank you are the less people can tell you what to do, and instead, it's me that tells them what to do. Just jumping out of many many airplanes and helicopters is a real skill in itself and I did tons and tons of things more than that. I still wish I had not gone because you get used and lied to every inch of the way, but as a kid we have plenty of brain power but NO WISDOM at all, to see what was going on.
The internet is often difficult to deal with as the subtleties of our language and communications skills are never fully evident at all without tonal inflections, body language, facial ques and emotions one would see in person to help define the meaning of things. We just do our best and hope like so many other things.

Of all the things you've ever said to me, that part about "not understanding people" stands out. I still can't figure people out and don't understand this world so bent on violence and hurting almost everything we touch or using it to extinction. I just don't get it why a couple or even ONE man can create world wars and kill 100 MILLION human beings with out those around that man rising up and saying NO....we're going to stop this madness. The only way that can't happen is that those people around him are also FOR THAT goal and plan to rule and get wealthy and powerful by killing everyone they can. It says that element is in all of us I guess and just waits for an opportunity to bloom into being perhaps.

I worked for two month re-sodding my next door neighbors corner lot where his house is and all the weeds had taken over. TWO MONTHS of FREE work just to be a good neighbor and friend to a black guy from Haiti. NOT ONCE did that selfish jerk say thanks or offer me one thin dime as a "thank-you" for all my hard, back-breaking work in the hottest months of july and august did that prick make to me!! NOT even a glass of cold water did he offer and yet I did what I thought was a wonderful thing to help him out.
I say this to demonstrate that I don't belong in this world.....this is not my world. If anyone came to my house and did even ONE HOUR of work for me for free, I'd be so grateful you couldn't imagine it. I could NEVER EVER  let them leave without me giving them some cash or something they wanted. Never could I not show my appreciation and yet with the 160 hours I put in on his yard,  I got nothing but heart ache and a broken heart that once again it's shown to me that human beings are often times the saddest of creatures in life. I all but give up on people and get angry when I try to help anymore because it does no good. Learning simply to say "NO" gracefully to others is a true gift and can save you so much pain in life once you learn how and do it with a smile.

I've seen this all my life as a few spend millions in order to get a job that pays very little to run a country. It's crystal clear they have another agenda in mind and robbing the people is always it and yet we keep doing it over and over hoping for that one woman, that one man that will lead us to a richer more full-filling life, but it never happens. We live on faith that is almost always abused. There are the success stories to be sure though. The Arnold Palmer's of the world and the free hospitals to children. The Mother Teresa's, the Gandhi's, Billy Graham and his wife, Doctors without Borders, JESUS himself,  Amnesty International, Action Huger, Global Giving and so forth and the countless doctors, nurses and teachers, cops and fireman that serve us everyday doing nothing but giving and helping others. The clergy in all our churches that do nothing but good and all the people in the animal shelters that make this a better world is what keeps me going to be honest.

I'm so grateful that each day here so far is about 78 degrees in south florida as we continue to have great weather but pay an awful price for it living with the trash of the world we live with and ruining what we've built here as they live off this government and our taxes and commit literally BILLIONS and BILLIONS of dollars of crime each year. The Cubans in hialeah florida robbed this government of over 10 BILLION in medi-cade fraud last year alone (highest in the nation) and Miami robbed this government of over 12 BILLION in social security fraud checks last year as well and on it goes. The traffic is the worst in the nation and the price for good weather is just way too high anymore but I've lived here all my life now.
I wish you even more good wishes and more warmth soon for you and yours.
All the best always. denn~

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-12 00:57:01 +0000 UTC]

I would find what you say so inspiring, but I'm one of those that has some wonder or doubt in the back of my mind about if heaven is true or is it something we neurotic human beings just have to have in order to stay sane and deal with our own mortality. Of course I'm a Christian, and do all the good works I can and not because I try to get God to like me, but just because I have a kind heart from God and enjoy helping others and doing good things , but still.....I wonder what the real truth is though I live my life thinking heaven is real, but honestly ....we don't really know...we just hope it's true don't you think?

I've never had a family except for terrible abuse so love is something I crave and Hanna as well as all animals and all kids do love me. Still the unfairness of life just breaks my heart that Hanna had such a hard life until I came along and gave her 6 years of being treated like your best friend. She never did one single thing wrong in her entire life and yet suffered from cancer like the lowest thug on the planet. 
I have such difficulty dealing with things like that and in the unfairness of it all.

I read about 50 or more books every single year and a few have been about life-after-death. They say that when we pass over to the other side, it is then that we see that every single grain of sand in the universe is exactly where it should be and all is exactly the way it should be and we finally see the big picture of life.. I'd love to feel that and have no more fear or anxiety like I live with all my life and yet.....yet something inside me fears the unknown or being rejected again or being alone or whatever.

If only I was sure....really sure we go to the best place I could actually celebrate in a way the passing of a friend. I've lost two cats in one year now and the third is a feral cat I care for that has feline aids so she's next no matter what I do. I spend a good deal of cash on a cat that isn't mine but still...he's part of life and I can never turn my back on life in need of help. I take him to the vet tomorrow to try and extend his life some more.

I know people that tell me they won't have a dog or cat because their dirty and smell bad....... I think to myself what a rotten human being these people are and don't have any respect for them and then I see their lives so full of drugs, alcohol and selfishness so I have nothing to do with them at all. If you don't like animals, then we'll never get along, so why bother is my out-look.

I've always thought animals a gift to human beings but I see a definite purpose for them. I think God gave them to us as a gift to remind us how short life is and that we're next one day, so get your affairs in order and think about the after life and where you'll spend eternity is my thoughts about it. 
Yes...I still cry almost everyday still, and if I let myself think about her being gone my heart breaks all over again but it will get easier in time I hope just like you said.

The last two lines of your comment to me were so beautiful and true I hope. I did treat her like she was the queen of south florida I used to tell her so often. I miss her everyday and a friend of mine told me ..."okay, so go get another one." People are so odd to me most of the time and I don't fit into this world very well to be honest as I deal with jerks and shallow thinkers most of the time. I wanted to call him a couple of unkind names but what good would it do.
When his boy committed suicide from being such a bad parent (the mother is a drunk) did I say to go screw your wife and have another one??? Of course not.

Anyhow....you're a wonderful person and a great comforter so thank you so very much and I hope we stay in touch as you have gifts that most people never have. I also think in order to acquire those gifts you have to have suffered a great deal along the way as well, so I'm sorry if that's true in your case.
May God bless you always and give you health and peace.
You're one great artists as well so keep up the wonderful work. dennis~

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thegirlcansmile In reply to arteater1 [2016-09-12 02:18:19 +0000 UTC]

Hi Dennis, thank you for your wonderful reply. Honestly as much as I would like to give you all kinds of evidence in the world of things such as heaven and what's to come next, I can't. Nobody can. I think that's something that's hard for people, the unknown..not knowing...not having control. I think as human beings we want all the answers...but I honestly do believe that faith...can be stronger than knowledge sometimes. It takes more to hope...it takes more courage to believe without evidence. I think there's something so pure about belief, and even though you have fear and doubt...try to hold on to that belief deep in your heart. There's so many things that can confuse you scare you, don't let it take you over. It's human to doubt...to wonder...to fear. Something that personally keeps me believing....is the love. You know love, it's obvious. I believe that something as powerful as love, can't be broken. I think what we are...what we love WITH...is a lot more than just a shell, some genetics and organs. We are so much more... and I don't think we are meant to know everything. Maybe there's a gift in not knowing if every day can be the last...to truly appreciate the gifts we have. Maybe there's a reason we cant understand everything...why we dont have all the answers. I really dont know, im human too...with that comes limitation. I dont know enough to be able to give you answers I think you so desperately want right now. I think while you're in a troubling place at the moment, that you will find more peace....please believe me when I say that peace doesn't have to come with answers. You can make friends with the fact that you just dont have all the facts....and that it's ok. It can be a healing in accepting the things you dont know. In daring to hope...even though you're scared. It might take you a long time. It might happen faster than you think. I can tell you are strong though. I can tell you been through a lot, and that a lot of people around you don't understand. I been through a lot too, I know the feelings that come from that...so much feelings you sometimes dont even know what to do with it. You cant change other people, the only thing you have real control over is yourself. You made a choice to be a good person, to help and care for animals, to love them...and have them love you back. Maybe it's in that love you can find some of your answer....maybe you will realize that you dont need as much answers as you think you did. I am sending you my love, and all the best wishes in the world. And thank you so much for your lovely words back to me, it truly does mean alot  

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-12 05:27:38 +0000 UTC]

I like the things you write because they show a heart just full of kindness toward others and nothing about pointing a finger or trying to blame the other person.
I do believe and do have faith, but it gets weak at times like we human beings do.

I think back on my life and see myself as proof that God is real and does help some people. I was born into a family with parents that were drunken drugged up rotten parents that took their hostilities out on kids. 
Like my mother waking me up at ten years old at 3 am with a butcher knife in her hands telling me she is going to kill me for some reason I never did understand, as I was running all around the house trying to get away and finally ran out the front door.

Beaten so many times I can't count them or hit in the face and knocked my front teeth out and on and on and on the damage was continued. My only brother Paul finally killed himself and yet me.....I changed and became a person that left the rage and anger behind and for some reason just liked doing good for others. I was an eagle boy-scout, I won the Soldier Of The Year award for the entire U.S. Army and was a decorated soldier as well as 55,000 people giving me a standing ovation in sports and winning so many sports trophies they would fill a bedroom. In business I won the Presidents Award and Manger of the year and so many other things along the way. The only reason I mention this is that why would I do these things when I should have taken my own life or become something terrible just like my folks were?? Instead I have a love inside that adores all animals...all children and yes even some adults. I shouldn't be capable of this because of what I came from, but God somehow changed me and made something good out of what others used for bad.
I'm not capable of making that change by myself.....I think only god with the holy spirit could have produced a change inside me that big. 

I even  forgave my parents for all the horrible things and let go of things.
Today I even pray for them that God has mercy on them in heaven. Why would I do that unless some power greater than mine helped change me inside. 
So I see myself as kinda proof in a way that God is real. How do people that are just rotten drunks or addicts accept Jesus and walk away from that life and become a new person? How can that happen if not for a super natural power???
I wonder if you see things like I do about this so let me know will you please.

I haven't met but a couple of people anywhere near with your kind of empathy and kindness for others, so thanks so much. thank-you for taking the time and trying to help. I needed it and you have helped so much already. thank you and may all good things in life be yours. dennis~

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thegirlcansmile In reply to arteater1 [2016-09-12 17:42:45 +0000 UTC]

You sound like a beautiful success story. I really do mean that. To come from where you have...and still having kept your heart so kind, so pure and so giving is amazing. It's so hard to come from a hard life and being able to move on...a lot of people choose the wrong path, their hearts have hardened, they are jaded, scared...some want to hurt others so that they can feel some of their own hurt. You didnt want to do that.You took your pain and your tears and you used it as fuel...to strengthen yourself...to do good. I think people with hard tragic lives often find themselves at a cross road. Either they continue walking the dark path....or they turn direction completely and feel like they want to spread some of the lightness they themselves never got. The best people in the entire world are those that have remained good, even when life hasent always been good to them. They are good without a "reason, without expecting anything back. You come from tragedy, from heartbreak...yet you have forgiveness in your heart. That shows what kind of person you are. I believe In God as well...but I also believe that he created us with a lot of free will....our own identities, personalities and choices. I think he can guide us...support us...but I also think it's important you pride yourself on the choices you have made. God created you, yes...but you are walking your path...God is holding your hand, but you are taking the steps. I think you have found a lot of comfort in your faith, but please also know that you are a strong wonderful brave person, and you deserve to give yourself credit for that. I am so glad if I was able to offer any kind of help at all...most of the time you have all the strength you need inside of you, but it can be comforting having someone else remind you of that....having someone else seeing it 

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-13 14:34:23 +0000 UTC]

My heart I'm afraid isn't so pure as you wrote of course, and at times isn't even so kind either like when I can't get service in a restaurant in less than 30 minutes or standing in line at the bank for 30 minutes just to give them some money to use for free, but I do try hard to do good and be a decent human being. In the end, I do manage to stop myself from punching some psycho car driver in the face or strangling the fast food order taker that doesn't speak English and has never gotten an order right yet today but we pay outrageous prices for the wrong items anyhow. It's this rotten society that gets to me and the lack of any courtesies given to customers that drives me to distraction because it's all about money as always. We could get service, and we don't have to stand in lines forever and hold on the phones for 30 minutes waiting for service if corporations would hire the right amount of people like they did for the last 200 years. Today it's all about quarterly targets and yearly bonus's running things under-budget that makes it so frustrating for all of us except a handful of those getting the blood money back to them in giant pay-checks as boss's.

My point is that we're all made to feel like we're worthless in this society which is the same roll my parents played so well and is all a gigantic lie to control us, and yet under it all, I still haven't given up and keep thinking good is just around the corner. It turns out that corner is never ending apparently and I face the same struggle everyday of my life and do it alone, with no family at all, but just like you...we put one foot in front of the other and trod forward again and again don't we.

That part about the pain and tears you wrote and used it as fuel seems to me to be so poignant that no one can grasp it's workings unless they themselves experienced the same thing. If that's true with you, then your a real life hero to me and may God bless you everyday. I just know that I never wanted to be like my parents...ever....... about anything, so perhaps that's the fuel you speak of or maybe God himself used that brutality to make me a better human being. I keep bringing God into the equation because I just don't think I was that smart to figure it out or had that much goodness inside me to make that choice.

Your comment about having free will is totally true in my mind as well, and of course is what fouls up the whole world but I'm sure God knew what he was doing and my brain is too small to figure it out. One day we will see the perfection of all these things and how it fits so perfectly together but down here...well, I think we're missing some of the pieces of the puzzle to make it more clear. I wish we had more time down here to be honest. We spend the first 20 years not having a clue what life is about, then we work ourselves to death and finally spend that last 20 years unable to do what we wish as our frail bodies and minds fall apart before our very eyes and we spend all our time and money seeing doctors.

To me this means that this is just like a class room to give us a feel of life or use our five senses to feed back to God himself what it's like to being human or feel love and hate and so forth. I've thought about this so long and come to these conclusions after so much thought. This life just can't be very important or God would have made it longer and given us a chance to do many things differently AFTER we added some wisdom to those brains we have. And that wisdom could only come from experiences that we have or sent to us by God, and in that case our free will is somewhat compromised to some degree if it was God but then again maybe not.
Even if God tells us what to do as he does in the bible we still pick and choose what we feel like doing don't we. Yes we do have free will even if God tells us what the secrets are.
He did make it pretty easy and just accept his son Jesus as our savior but it does bother me that FIVE BILLION people in the world still don't see it that way. Why create mankind if almost all of them are lost??? And if your really God, then you would have to have known that. Okay...I give up as I'll never understand things but I'll stop trying as it does no good and just make me anxious. I must trust god that he does the right thing and knows what he's doing for our good right?
I wish you'd spend a bit less time about me, and tell me some about yourself that I'm positive has a story for the ages and is interesting as well.
How did you grow up?
What kind of family did you have??
Any pets?

All the best always...denn thanks so much for your respect and kindness as well.

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thegirlcansmile In reply to arteater1 [2016-09-13 20:04:37 +0000 UTC]

when I say pure heart I didnt mean a perfect heart. We are all flawed. The truly good people though are the ones that realize that...and strive to be better.  Many things in life can make us bitter, or make us lose our patience or temper...we can work on those things. But if you dont have empathy and a good soul, that can be very hard. You are a good person, that's obvious. I think you should always hold on to that, but dont accept less than what you can be. we cant change anybody else...only ourselves. So if you are unhappy with anything in your own behavior, you have control of that. But I think its equally important to focus on what you like about yourself, the achievements you made...you cant progress if you dont make the journey worth while. Its not just about rewarding yourself, but keeping your eyes open. See everything you are, everything you can be, the good you are doing. In knowing ourselves we can't just see the bad or the good, we have to see it all. And when it comes to the world, to life....that's so true as well. A lot of what you are talking about is just that. Depending on your mindset and where you are in life, I think there can be a million ways to look at the same thing...The way you describe the progress of life is of course a sad one. We are born, we are lost, we are burned out, then we are sick....im not saying that isnt necessarily true for many people. But also see what's between those things...Instead of just consider us lost, maybe we are seeking? Instead of just being burned out, maybe we are building strength. It's true for most that at one point our bodies will start to grow weaker...but our souls doesnt. the strongest people on earth are often the oldest. Their body might not be whats helping them stand anymore, their strength is. I dont think life is just a big test or a big character building process...I think there's a lot of beauty and light to be found here. Remember how one tiny ray of light....can brighten up a pitch black room. I noticed that many people at the "bottom" of society are often the most grateful ones, even the happiest. Cause they see life differently. They treasure it differently. They dont always need a lot to be happy.

I think faith gives you one huge advantage that I think you can take advantage of more...you dont have to stress yourself out so much knowing all the answers. If you have faith, you can accept that you dont know everything AND you dont need to. You dont have to understand the reason behind everything...things that dont make sense to you...that's ok. Tons of things dont make sense to me either. that's where faith comes in. Hope. It's humbling telling yourself "you know what? I do NOT get this. and that's OK. Cause I dont know everything. I dont see everyhting. Im just a human being. And im ok with that" 

I grew up in the country, in Sweden. I had a loving amazing family but my parents were very sick. My dad had both chronic diseases and mental illnesses and he passed away when I was just 11 years old. My mom got sicker after, she has passed away too. My relatives are not in my life anymore either, we had a huge family when I grew up...but not now. I mourn that every day. I mourn my family, but I treasure the love with everything I am. I grew up with two bunnies, and a beautiful dog. I had to make the selfless decision to let my dog go to heaven a few years ago cause he was in pain, sick and old. It was so hard and I miss him every day. But my family being at peace that's my comfort. 

you dont have to thank me, im happy if I can offer any kind of comfort to you 

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-14 14:42:57 +0000 UTC]

You give such wonderful counsel and good advise. I like getting reminded of some things I know very well, but when depressed we tend to not pay any attention to them as we're not thinking at our best. Some things you said were very helpful and I never thought of them so that was nice and usually never happens.

Especially the part about taking some pride in what I've done and to be honest, I'm not very good at that. To come from my childhood and still be alive is a monumental tasks already that most would never accomplish, let alone still try to help make this a better world for the few I come into contact with.

The stray cat I have that lives outside around my house and never goes away, was starving when he showed up and yet I couldn't nurse him back to health so I spent my money at the vets only to find out he has feline aids and will require continual care and medications. I've fed him and his brother three times a day for a year now, and never ever miss a meal or flea drops and then he started to get sick again last week so off to the vets once more for a shot of anti-biotics and medicine. The very next day he felt twice as good as the day before, so that made me really happy that I'm giving him a good life and yes, it may not last long or forever but still...he's got the best life he ever had, and more care than ever before, and I'm proud of that. He can pass away some day and he'll know someone cared and gave all he had and it did make a difference to that cat, (Champ) who is only alive today because I actually did something rather than just talk about things. I know so well what it's like to suffer while no one around you has any idea of the pain you endure, and they do nothing to help. I won't let that happen as long as I have breath in me to other living things if I can help.

I've also helped many on suicide hot lines or crisis intervention that I'm good at, but still, though I'm proud of many of the things I've done, it seems they never really produce the joy inside me I once had at certain times. It seems I'm at my best only when I have someone I love in my life and loves me as well. I haven't had that in a few years now, and I feel like the hope of that is draining away forever. I've begged God so often and so many times to help guide me but instead I get financial problems now and health issues that are chronic and now must deal with some depression.
Anyhow....again enough about my problems and my life that I know is boring for anyone else. I thank you for caring enough to write and bring up some very good ideas as well.

It's clear to me that you were from Europe somewhere as your level of intellect is vastly superior to those in the U.S. on a general basis. Talking about concepts and ideas or ideology here will get responses like...."Whooa" "Wow-man" and "Ommmm" and of course the best is,  "I don't know what to say" that I hear over and over. Our kids in school are now 39th in math and 37th in science in world rankings of education and still going down-hill fast as we let every uneducated immigrant in here now so that big business can get cheap labor is what it's all about. I've always admired Sweden for the way they treat workers and it's society of little corruption, as well as it's immigration policies and educational level of it's people. The taxes there are alarming of course, but at least you get something back for the money. Here we pay all our money while our corrupt government makes wars all over the world so a tiny few can get rich or we give the money to minorities those that won't work or go to school. The system is so unfair here anymore to those that do the right things.

Do you have any pets now?
It seems to me that the passing away of both parents at an early age like you had happen would have terrible consequences for you; does it?
I'm scared to death of dying as I had a bad time with my grandfather I loved so much. I walked in the room as a 8 year old and couldn't wake him up. My mother finally came and called the medics and I said "Oh boy were going to see an ambulance."
I had no clue he was gone or what death even was, but that didn't stop her from smashing me right in the face and it was years before I ever knew that I didn't cause him to die somehow or had anything to do with it. I thought you could just go to sleep and never wake up was what my mind formulate later on that terrifies me until this day to be honest with you.

I'll say something here that not so many people will understand but I know you will. We can KNOW........ all kinds of things and bits of information and be smart as well on many levels, but knowing things sometimes doesn't change the lessons or experiences that are deeply imprinted in our brains or our very souls for that matter from our youth and we carry those wounds and harbor those faulty concepts with us all our lives. Some misinterpretations I find I changed, but the ashes of some others never can be completely swept away and cleaned up it seems, at least in my case. I wish I knew how to change some of them and instead I work on coping more than anything else. I think we all have some of those don't you think?

I honestly wish that one day you'll get to see those bunnies and your pup again in heaven. It will be a glorious thing to see them once more won't it?
All my repsect and kindness to you always. dennis

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thegirlcansmile In reply to arteater1 [2016-09-15 03:57:18 +0000 UTC]

Hi Dennis, I hope you are doing ok. I think you are admirable and remarkable, the way you have turned your life around, made yourself in charge of your own destiny. its so obvious that you dont want anybody else to feel any of the pain you endured yourself...so you care, you love. You give with your entire heart. You take care of animals nobody else even sees...you have worked with suicide prevention even though you are depressed yourself. I hope you know that for many it can be so easy to take their own pain out at someone/something else. But you dont. And that IS admirable.  I'm really glad you can see some of the progress you made, the fact you even survived from such a bad situation is a battle you won, all by itself. Sometimes when we live a long time without giving ourselves the credit we deserve, it changes our entire view of the world, of ourselves. If we only focus on the "what can we do better" we don't see our progress, our achievements, our growth. Instead of focusing on that one thing you "failed" focus on the hundreds you won. For people from hard backgrounds...even waking up and getting out of bed can be a victory in itself. You should wear your battle scars with pride...they are warrior marks. Be them on the inside or out. 

It warms my heart that you care so much for the animals. I have always had an intense enormous love for animals, so much that it often pains me. Knowing there's such cruelty in the world, it can sometimes be so hard to even be aware of, and I feel helpless, defeated and so filled with sorrow. I wish I could save every single animal or person in need. But we can only do as much as we can...and we have to feel like it's enough. If everyone did "their" part, the world would be different. Perhaps not every man can change the entire world...but that one animal you help...you change HIS world. That might not mean much to someone else, but means absolutely everything to him. 

I know the struggle of depression, of illness, of financial problems, and it's so hard. But you get up in the morning....and you STILL do good. Allow yourself to say "you sir...are amazing!" its nothing wrong in knowing that, you have earned the right to feel happy about yourself. Many times it's hard to keep walking...our knees hurt from falling down and getting up, our skin bleed, the road is stony....but we keep walking. That's where the power is. In those steps...the steps that aren't easy to take, yet we take them. There's so much victory in that. It's not a dance on roses, it's a hard gritty walk. And we walk it, head up high. 

I do like my country a lot, im glad you have a positive view of it. The taxes are high but we get a lot back from it. we dont have to worry about healthcare costs or paying for school etc...we prefer a society where we help each other and it has worked for us. I think all countries in the world can learn a lot from each other....we can't be prideful and stubborn or naive. 

Im so sorry about your hard upbringing. It must have been so hard and confusing for you, especially being exposed to death without a support system. at that age you are so innocent, so little, and you dont understand everything. You have so much forgiveness in your heart, its beautiful.

I have a turtle now 

sometimes its ok to just "cope". you dont always have to move forward...the important thing is that you dont go back. You can take breaks...you can rest. Dont push yourself too hard...

I think heaven is beautiful and I think all animals are completely and lovingly invited there, animals are some of the closest things to angels that we have

i am sending you all my love.

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-16 17:55:13 +0000 UTC]

I think it's one of my best attitudes as I keep thinking I've made it through so much worse than this, there's no reason why I'll not get past this event as well. I don't feel even a tiny bit special at all, but I do feel like God has a mission for me that I either am currently doing giving aid to others, or has something waiting for me to accomplish soon. There's no other reason for me to be alive it seems to me as I've narrowly missed death on several occasions.
I'm very appreciative of your continually reminding me of focusing on the good or other success's and not the negative I'm currently enduring. It helps so much to keep trying to do that.
Here's where part of the problem comes in. I honestly do feel like I've done a good job and have a good heart and do good things especially knowing my background. I feel like that, but what I get back from others isn't so much any admiration or respect as they don't have a clue about where I came from or my life or my accomplishments. Yes, some know I'm a decorated soldier, but almost no one I even know has been in the military (less than 1/2 of 1% of the population) so it means next to nothing to them really except some empty words and false sentiment. It's like our government that says they value soldiers but if you really did....you'd give us some descent health care instead of the worst care ever, but of course all the politicians have the BEST HEALTH care program in the world and it's free for them for a life time!!! So this proves to me once again your words are just more lies and deception because your deeds simply don't match up at all to what you say.

So, the feed-back I get from the public is really nothing like I think I'd like to get from all I've been through and it leaves me feeling sad at times that some other moron will be getting all kinds of credit on you-tube because they can dance like a monkey or punched a cop in the face. I see these combat sports guys (cage fighting) that get millions for knocking people out and doing as much damage as they can to another human being and I just don't get it. I never could see why violence is admired so much and yet me, that is loving and kind gets nothing for it. I usually don't even get a thanks. Like the flowers I sent to the black cancer woman on the next block...nothing. Or the month I spent helping the hatian (FOR FREE) re-sod his yard and got not even a cold glass of water back. Or the flowers I sent to my doctor when he lost his dog to cancer and got back nothing and it goes on and on and on. I so much dislike this cold uncaring society where money is king and nothing else matters to most.
I think I'm a good human being in a society that doesn't value good human beings, and but thinks of us as suckers or something to take advantage of. I hope you understand this better that I explained it.

I've changed the world of so many animals to something better. I carry several kinds of foods in my car in case I find some that are hungry and all the food I buy I save a small part and give it to the birds in parking lots because they need to eat also. I've loved animals since I was small child and love just increases with years and not weakens at all. It becomes a burden at times because of my awareness and hurts to see an animal suffer at all while others shoot and kill them with pride and drunkenness and without caring. I've never killed an animal in my life and I'm glad of that. Even as a child I couldn't shoot or hurt one. I know you understand this perfectly about others suffering that ultimately causes you pain as well.

I love your third paragraph that is inspiring and up-lifting to my spirit. I think many artists like yourself for example get depressed. Perhaps it's because of the connection art has  to the spirit that is more sensitive to things that in turn opens the doors to this malady. I don't know exactly, but it seems like more artists and actors and the like suffer alone while the world see's them entirely differently. Even Jim Carry that you'd think has it made in life big  battled great depression and even today is very very spiritual and spends huge amounts of time contemplating God and what life is about. I spend way, way too much time trying to figure these things out rather than more time trying to do good deeds for others or just go play in life. I love golf so much and am a good player as well.

I'm not proud of my country at all anymore and what we've become, and how low we keep sinking as we import tons of foreigners so we always have CUSTOMERS to buy our junk and always have a steady supply of cheap labor so business can get filthy rich. I'm especially not proud of our ability to phony up wars and kill innocent people in countries all over the world as we brainwash people into thinking we're always the good guys. Did you know we killed over 600,000 innocent civilians over in Iraq alone. We admit to 350,00 and yet Amnesty International has other proof. Either number is beyond evil. We paid them an average of 20 thousand dollars each to buy them off but what choice did they have.

As for the coping......I've spent my life coping and trying to hide whats on the inside in my thought world and what my soul feels. I joke outwardly and suffer inside so many times I can't count them all. I just decided once that my parents we're just doing the best they could in life with what they had and that's all it was. Life is not so easy to figure out for the majority of us I find. They used drugs and alcohol to treat whatever ills they had, or whatever demons they were battling and it got out of control. I'm positive they were not ever happy so...what good does holding a grudge or being angry do any of us. I forgive them and hope others forgive me in life for the wrongs I've committed as well. Maybe that's important in life.
Does your turtle do any tricks ???

I love the last paragraph and animals being angels, and always always thought they're some of our best teachers in life and give us so many lessons on how to be better human beings. I've leaned so much from mine and especially Hanna that I still miss right now.
I just knew it was impossible to not have traveled down a painful road like you have, in order to end up with a caring heart.  I see from your other comment that you've had issues to deal with as well that some never get past, and yet it's as if you've used those experiences as the fuel to propel you upward instead of let them drag you down. I think we both share that virtue.

I wish you continued success and a large measure of health happiness all your days.


denn~


 

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thegirlcansmile In reply to arteater1 [2016-09-16 21:56:20 +0000 UTC]

I really do think God has a mission for everyone, and you should feel proud if you believe God has enough faith in you to make YOUR mission one that involves helping... let that bring you joy and humble you. 

Everyone deserves health care, nobody should suffer economically from being sick. Being sick in itself is hard enough. Which is why I believe in a society that value those that need some extra help at times, cause don't we all?

Part of being a good human being is doing good without having to get something back. Of course its hard and saddening that it seems like your hard and good work isnt noticed or appreciated but remember WHY you are doing it. Are you doing it for the thank you's, the smiles and the applauds? you're not....those things are nice, and it's very sad that they aren't as common as they need to be, but don't lose focus. I have learned that more often than not, we get those thank you's in different ways....Animals for example they cant voice those words...but they show it with their endless love. The point is, what you are looking for might be under your nose. And if it isn't, then that's on them...you did "your" part, you did something good. If you dont get a response for it, that says more about them than it does you. You still wouldn't want any good deed undone...cause God knows the world needs more light. It needs all the light it can get. I think you believe in Jesus, don't you also believe he did much of his good without getting back what he deserved? I think God is teaching us some very important lessons...we just must listen. Sometimes with more than our ears.

I think you should keep doing what you are doing, it doesnt just help others but I think it helps you as well. It's an important purpose you have, it's beautiful and I admire it. I can tell there's so many things that pains you, don't let it harden your heart. Dont get jaded, or bitter, it serves no purpose. Just like grudges dont serve a purpose. Life isn't "fair", we know this. Either we accept it and do the best we can out of our own situation or we let it pain us further. 

I, like you, hate war and the killing of innocents. I grew up in a pacifist country and have never understood it, nor will I ever defend it. I think it's barbaric and as a world we should have come further. We should by now know how to use our words instead of our hands, we should know that you dont fight fire with fire, and that an eye for an eye makes the world blind. We should learn from the past, from all the dead bodies, broken hearts and fallen tears. We should know by now...how to be human. 

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arteater1 In reply to thegirlcansmile [2016-09-17 17:28:19 +0000 UTC]

I know I do help people and animals...without a single doubt, but I never thought of it as special...I kinda always thought of it as all of our mission to do that. I do think it is special since you mentioned it. I know well what it was like to not have one single person to help explain or support anything in my life as a child, so I just naturally or God given, don't want to let anyone else suffer alone. Almost all problems can be at least helped if not fixed if we help someone try. That loneliness and suffering has side affects that last a whole lifetime and can never ever be completely healed. The residue of it at least, is always operating in that sub-conscience mind if your lucky and not the driving force it could be in worse cases.

If health care was like it used to be and cheap...then most all of us could afford it, but now that it's gone off the charts under our governments cruel "leave it to the greedy business-men" to write the rules that govern us logic, now no one can afford it anymore. My good friend just went to Duke University to see if they could help him as he has cancer of the lungs and is terminal. They saw him for two days and charged him over $150,000 in tests in order to tell him they'res nothing they can do. The scum bags can't do anything for most people, but they don't mind leaving you BROKE or penniless in your last days. This is a corrupt system where all the money goes to executive salaries and paperwork which is mostly billing. Things have to go through 4 steps in four different companies just to bill something trying to get the codes straight and charges. I find this is done on purpose so they can make tons and tons of errors OVER-BILLING and then no one knows who to blame it on from all the people that are in the mix. Administration costs are at 315 BILLION PER YEAR in this country now for health care and not dime of that is doctoring. I hate this place.

This is one I can't agree with you on one single bit. Of course I don't do it to get thanked, and it sounds like that's exactly what you think my dear. I've always done it because I LIKE doing it and think God wants us to act like that. But when you do it for many years and get tired at times or find I need some help now myself, and no one is ever there to lend me a hand, you can't help asking why I do all the heavy lifting and can't get anyone to lend me a hand for once. If I got thanked every 5 times I'm fine with that, but when it almost never happens and I'm down and have issues myself, you do start to ask yourself where are the others??? And I now live in a jamaican /hatian neighborhood as all the whites moved out long ago and these people are the worst at not showing any gratitude as is clearly visible at the kids they can't raise right also that keep going to jail and can't be grateful for anything or can't get out of bed to go to school. NOT ALL of course, but it is the majority. I don't care what anyone's skin color is...I ONLY CARE how they act and that's the problem for most all of us. When your not honest, won't work, won't go to school, turn to crime and drugs, play rapp until 3 am and dress with your underwear hanging out and still can't speak English, then guess what...I DON"T LIKE YOU!! Plain and simple. JUST EXACTLY like I don't like the white Hell's Angels gangs that won't bath, sell and do drugs, abuse woman, won't work and kill people. I don't like what people DO....not their color or religion.
I hope you see my points here. I get tired of users in life and people you can NEVER EVER do enough for.

I'm already jaded my friend.....it comes from living in a cold uncaring society of people that we have nothing in common with except at times we both act like human beings. YOu can't get beaten up as much as I have and not come out of it with some bad memories and feelings. I do great for what I've been through I think and thank God for that, but I wish I were so much better. If only I could get the health issues fixed I would feel so much more powerful and like I could help so many more but this spiraling health makes you filled with anxiety and depression as well. I'm going broke as even the V.A.. for it's veterans now charge us co-pays for health care unless your deployed in active duty right now. That was promised to never happen, but of course Busch changed that and makes us all pay now. For some it can be hundreds of dollars per month and they have no job while social security checks average about $800.00 a MONTH in this land of the free suckers. What can you do with 800 a month and no job???? Thank God I work.

We are so together on your last paragraph that it draws me closer to you just reading it. We never seem to solve anything killing so many. WW1, 30 MILLION dead. WW11 about 100 MILLION dead and 80 million were as always innocent civilians. These things make me sick. What we now know is that history doesn't teach us anything. Our leaders have a whole different agenda of stimulating the economy, free natural resources, more land, big business profits or just massive male ego that motivates this trash and no one is held responsible. NO WEAPONS of mass destruction that was all a lie...no yellow cake uranium sold in Niger like he said and all those people killed while no one is held accountable for anything. Now YOU go into a store and steal some art paper, and you'll find yourself in court begging for mercy. Life is jsut so unfair nad unjsut fo rmost of us while nothing at all happens to the rich and powerful.

Okay...I've bored you to tears I think your maybe looking at 5th floor window as being a way out so I'll let you go.
I love your notes and your very smart as I've told you several times.

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arteater1 In reply to Michawolf13 [2016-09-07 21:50:47 +0000 UTC]

No, she not better and in fact, the worst has happened. She had a rough time breathing so I scoop her up in my arms and race to the vets 15 minutes away and while I'm on the phone telling them I'll be there in 5 minutes and get ready...Hanna dies in my arms while I'm driving.
I couldn't stop crying for an hour until I felt like I was actually going to die. Here it is ten days latter and I still cry almost everyday missing her so much. Let me be truthful here....I didn't cry....I wailed and sobbed like my insides were coming out or as if my spirit was leaving me it was so painful. She had a really rough 6 years and was twice brought back to the shelter but I loved her instantly. It took the vet and I a whole month to get her back to health with a lung infection, but we did it and she got the next best 6 years any cat could have from me, so I do feel good about that. She was one great cat that just gave me love and kindness and asked for nothing back although she got plenty anyhow. She was so gentle that she made everyone around her gentle and taught us all lessons.
I miss her so much. I hope we are back together in heaven is what I hope but....who knows who's right about that issue. I think God has to include them in heaven but many think the answer is no.
I do thank you so much for your interest and comment.

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arteater1 In reply to SilentFocalor [2016-08-28 14:40:33 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry too, and my heart is broken once again. I keep thinking she'll walk out from the other room or just sleeping in some hiding place but that lasts a tenth of a second and reality steps in and I realize a hundred times she's gone. I got her from the shelter like always and gave her a life she never knew existed of so much love and food and care and kindness so I know I made a difference in her life for the last 5 or 6 years but I wasn't prepared to let her go at all.
The fucking doctor told me she had about three months left and then two days later she's gone. How they can be that wrong just makes me so angry inside that it seems we can't count on anything anyone says today no matter who  much we pay them. Life just seems to be all bullshit no matter how smart we think we're getting.
The vet was as loving and kind as anyone could ever be and so full of compassion, but so wrong about the extent of the disease even though the X-rays clearly showed the cancer. 

I'm not better today and it's a week later either as I cry everyday at some point and don't feel like eating or doing things. Life is just so unfair and so unjust it hurts. I get it why people don't do all good things and be a great human being now because WHY???? It may do some good or probably not at least in this world.

I've lived my life the good and right way hoping that it will finally be of some good in the next world because I still suffer so much in this world no matter how much good I do, as I've given up on this place and most people in it. I've put all my trust in the bible and Jesus and life ever lasting so I hope I'm right. Maybe I'm a fool there too. This whole thing about the creation and the after-life is just so frigging confusing and takes a brain not of this world to figure out, so maybe that's where just childlike faith comes in. Sometimes my faith all but disappears......like now....... as  wonder so often if animals go to heaven like I think they should. All my life I've felt that and still have no real answer but I sure think they do.

I thank you so much for your kindness and saying a nice word about her. I hope she's all better now and having fun again.
.

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SilentFocalor In reply to arteater1 [2016-10-16 07:00:02 +0000 UTC]

I'm here for you bro. It's hard. I don't expect you to get over this so soon. Crying and venting are the best things to be doing right now. It's better to just think that they do go to heaven. They're innocent animals who deserve to be at peace. 

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arteater1 In reply to SilentFocalor [2016-10-17 13:00:37 +0000 UTC]

I don't see any fairness in this life and everything seems to be just a throw of the dice to be honest. Whee you were born and what parents you had is all by chance and there doesn't seem to be much justice left as our politicians are so corrupt as well as our corporations and the system in general is all about wealth and power now.. If there is any justice in life, it would be that ALL animals go to heaven as they're the only ones that never did anything wrong. I often hope I see all my little friends one day when this is all over and look forward to it, but it's that not really knowing that hurts so much. They do so much to help human beings keep going in life as they just give love and kindness. They seem to role-model what "WE" should really be about but hardly ever are it seems.
All the best to you always, and never give up my friend.

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SilentFocalor In reply to arteater1 [2016-11-23 02:43:55 +0000 UTC]

That's some real inspirational stuff bro. You're right. I mean I try to be a good person, but life is not in our hands. 

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arteater1 In reply to SmileyFaceOdeh [2016-08-25 22:22:21 +0000 UTC]

Well honestly, you're not so bad with words, but you are so wrong about tomorrow being brighter, when it isn't at all. In fact it gets worse. In the beginning you're kind of in shock a bit and it doesn't really set in fully until you keep missing her so much. At night she's not by my side in bed anymore and I keep thinking the shadow I see in the corner is her for a split second like always and then it sinks in for the hundredth time she's gone. I still cry everyday and feel like giving up this fight on earth in this life and just dying would be okay with me now.
I never had a family ever in my entire life...I'm a decorated soldier so you know I've gone through terrible things, and then as a cop for a while more terrible things until now....I just can't endure anymore awful things is the truth.
Yes, in time  as everyone ALWAYS  says (Including me!) it will get better of course in a year or so I guess, but in the mean time....I hate life right now and tired of fighting and all the lying, greedy, selfish uncaring, cold people in it. I've spent my whole life helping every animal and all kinds of people, and it does no good with people. You still end up with no real friends. Not one friend has called me to say "Are you okay?...NOT ONE!
Yes, they ask me when I SEE them, or run into them, but that's it....they could care less about others and a cat.....well that's meaningless to them. It's ALL LIFE to me, and animals are a gift from God to us and I love them dearly.

One friend tells me he knows how I feel, and if I need to talk, just call HIM...he'll help all he can! Next morning I call him and try to talk, and he falls asleep while holding the phone and I can hear him SNORING and after me saying "Howard...HOWARD , over and over, I hang up and he never called me back. These are the friends we have down here on earth....just rotten, uncaring human beings except for people like you and me and a small percentage of other good people. Not that many really.

I'll stop here because I don't want to bring you down anymore than I already have, but I'll end with saying this.
YOU HAVE helped me. The words are not the important thing...you tried...you cared enough to try, and that means everything to me.
If ever I can do anything for you ...please write or call me. I'm very, very smart....know tons and tons of things, and won so many awards I can't count them all, so feel free to ask me anything and most times I can help a great deal.
You're a winner to me and I'm grateful to you....Hanna and I thank you so very much for your kindness to a total stranger. May God bless you.

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SmileyFaceOdeh In reply to arteater1 [2016-08-27 10:23:54 +0000 UTC]

I kind of understand, I lost a friend once and I went through the denial, but I haven't seen her since so long so, and I've been through all kinds of things so I didn't feel much. Though that didn't mean that life stopped, I had to move on because life isn't going to hit the breaks just for me, and I know that no one will, no one is perfect, and no one is selfless, and no one wants to be affected by a depressing atmosphere, and don't take this to the heart; it's something I apply to myself too, it's that no one is going to put you as his first priority, don't expect too much.

not everyone is that corrupted though, it's just your environment, especially as a cop. In my opinion, a vacation to somewhere very far away is certainly what you need right now, somewhere away from Wi-Fi, if I was in your place I would go somewhere high like a mountain, and far away from light pollution to see the milkyway, though that's what I<\i> would be happy with, you should go where ever you think is better.

It's true that I might get depressed by depressing things but not right now, I am kind of on my "cheerful rush" or something? So I'm okay

you're welcome, I love helping anyway; it rises my self-esteem

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arteater1 In reply to SmileyFaceOdeh [2016-08-27 21:06:32 +0000 UTC]

I find you really tough on me and not much compassion if any but a lot of preaching and here's why. 
When did I ever say that life should stop for me?
What was it that got you to think I believe that people should set me up as a first priority?
What note was that in???
What was it that conveyed the idea that anyone owed me anything and now it's time to pay up????
Do you have me confused with some fool out here that actually think those things and is delusional?
Of course you thinking I'm saying those things makes you look better and me the idiot and being unreasonable, but in my whole life I never think those thoughts you accuse me of.

Expect too much???? I EXPECT NOTHING at all but.....but........it would be nice if someone had just one little tiny f*****  thing to say with kindness in it for my cat and never mind ME AT ALL!!!!!!.

Thats all I wanted is for someone to say a kind word, but of course with people today and young people especially that everyone expects nothing from because their such assholes, I didn't expect them to even answer. I did hope.....HOPE....that a kind soul like myself with compassion for others might just take a moment to say...."sorry....I hope Hanna is with god now" and maybe use those kinds of words to lesson the pain in my broken heart. Of course a broken heart means NOTHING to 98% of the world as this site proves every single day but still...I EXPECT so little I was gratified with even just ONE nice note that I did get so I'm thankful for that person.

I thank you sooooo much for the lecture....that's just what you need when your hurting inside, so good job.

And yes of course it's all my fault because I "need a vacation". Yes sir.....a fishing trip or jaunt to Disney World would sure be the cure huh??? 

How about this okay.....how about the cure being a kind word or a good hearted person saying something supportive or up-lifting??? What a concept huh but of course that's my fault wanting WAYYYYYYYYY TOOOOO much right?

Okay....it's all my fault I feel bad and should go party for a while and forget my pets I love and adore. 
Not one cat or pup of mine has ever lectured me about what I'm doing wrong and what I SHOULD be doing, so maybe that's a CLUE to one of the reasons why we all love them so very much. 

And the next time your depressed like I am...I hope people actually do try to help you, and not what I get.

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SmileyFaceOdeh In reply to arteater1 [2016-08-28 01:20:44 +0000 UTC]

Oh my god, I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth, look, I didn't mistake you for an idiot, and I am NOT just making myself look good because I know what I am, I gave something that's a little harsh because it has a better impact, but did I go too harsh? I did say I'm bad with words, and this isn't me throwing the blame on you, this is me saying I didn't mean it

And I am not saying a trip or something is going to heal you, I was saying you need a break from your environment to relax a bit

So now if you excuse me I'm gonna go zip my mouth

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arteater1 In reply to SmileyFaceOdeh [2016-08-28 15:03:18 +0000 UTC]

Okay.....I get it. You tried your best  and it wasn't anything that I wanted to hear, but at least you tried which is way better than hundreds of others that can't write a single word when someone needs it so I do thank you for that.
No hard feelings....I just never see an end to the coldness of human beings today and the lack of compassion by the vast majority of people.

Let me explain a tiny set of facts please.
In World War 1 we wonderful human beings killed about 40 MILLION people.
In World War 2 we brave uncaring souls slaughtered about 100 MILLION people and most all of them innocent civilians.(80 million)
We white people came to america and systematically by our government killed from 40 million to 100 MILLION american Indians that had been here for a thousand years and did nothing to us but live here.

So when you look at just a few things like this, and I can make this list a mile long if I didn't want to bore you, then I'm just a pathetic fool....an idiot to think anyone cares about a cat or dog when we don't have a decent thought for millions of people that suffered and died all over the world.

In Iraq we invaded that land and killed over 600,000 HUMAN BEINGS and almost ALL of them were civilians, but not a word from almost anyone as to the awfulness of things like this by anyone here.  If it were your folks, husband, loved ones I bet you'd see it differently, but siting on the couch here doing nothing about anything in life at all like the people in this country are known for...we let anyone die and not think a second thought about it while we watch our crummy television junk!!
 Why I'm always sad about even my cat suffering makes me so different from most others and why it breaks my heart still.....I don't know the answer to. It's called "empathy" is the word for it and I've suffered so much in life I feel the pain of others I guess. One day this will all be over for both of us, and I wish nothing but good things for you and thanks at least for trying to help.

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SmileyFaceOdeh In reply to arteater1 [2016-08-30 12:57:42 +0000 UTC]

i know i said i'll stop talking but i'll have to reply XD


i know how that feels, in cause you don't know i am originally form Jerusalem, but i never went there as it got invaded before i was born, and all what my people did argue with each other, and things keep going downhill from that, but here's the thing, as long as we have a chance, we don't have to be like the rest of our population,so that we can make a change, maybe make the world a little better? That's why tomorrow is always brighter, because i can do more stuff everyday

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arteater1 In reply to SmileyFaceOdeh [2016-08-30 23:27:49 +0000 UTC]

Great......I'm glad it's brighter for you because of course this was always about YOU to begin with. I'm glad you can do more everyday but it won't be about me that's for sure. I'm NOT doing good as I said three times so how about not writing anymore about you OR ME huh....I get it...your WONDERFUL AND LIFE IS GREAT FOR YOU......but it isn't  for some of us, not that you care. BYE

Please...NO MORE

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arteater1 In reply to Anina606 [2016-08-24 13:32:16 +0000 UTC]

Thank  you so so much for taking time to write me a note and trying to help. I cry my eyes out several times a day now as everything reminds me of her of course. I buried her yesterday with a little head stone and said some prayers for her too. I miss her so much and I can't see how in the world a person loss's a child or spouse are ever able to keep going in life again. This death thing just scares me way too much even though I'm a long time Christian believer, but we honestly never know for sure. We only hope we're right.
I'm so thankful for someone like you that understands it and has a kind enough heart to write and make an effort to do some good for some stranger. I truly needed it and thank you very much and may God bless you for it.

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Anina606 In reply to arteater1 [2016-08-24 18:36:10 +0000 UTC]

Don't need to thank me, is nice be able to help c: Talk to me if you need!   

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arteater1 In reply to Anina606 [2016-08-24 20:37:12 +0000 UTC]

thanks anyone, I needed it.

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arteater1 In reply to LuckySpirit14 [2016-08-24 14:10:43 +0000 UTC]

I'll never be able to say thank you enough for what I feel in my heart about you and your kindness. It's crystal clear that you and I are of the same make-up having compassion and kindness for others rather than giving out lies and deceit and taking everything we can get from others like most of the rest of this crummy world does.

Of all the notes, yours has some real life care in it with real life experience that you had to go through too, and I'm sorry for that but at least glad you two were together for that while.
I've always thought that and told everyone that pets and animals are Gods gift to us all, and also a reminder that death awaits each one of us and them going so early is that reminder for each of us to get ready for one day it will be our turn.
I'm not ready and I'm scared of what could be on the other side because we really don't know. We think we do, or more accurately people don't think about it at all to be honest and choose to deal with it when it happens I guess. Often times that proves to be one day too late.
I do think animals are in heaven as Jesus said, "In heaven the lion will lay down with the lamb and there will be no more wars."
And your words of wisdom are so far from pointless that you'll never know, because each one of them means something kind to me and I'm so grateful to you for each one of them.

Oh gosh, you have that so right that I loved her and treated her like royalty with kindness and affection. She slept on my bed every night too, ate three times a day the best foods and never hit or yelled at, just loved.
I have this thing that most people don't have and that's the gift of both children and animals automatically love me. I get along with all of them great, but still can't get along with adults well at all in most cases. People always let me down with lies, greed, and things that let me know they don't really care about others at all very much. What they do care about are people that can do them some good somehow...them, they pretend to love.
How do you LOVE and care so deeply for athletes, actors, musicians and politicians that you've never met, nor WILL you ever meet them, but them you adore.......... while your brother or sister or or next door neighbor you do nothing for at all and hate?

I will try to do what you said, but I hesitate right now because I can't keep doing this. I still have three others from the shelter no one wanted and I must continue to love them like I do. I lost Champ last year at the vets because they couldn't fix her either and she had leukemia and I thought I was going to honestly die I cried so much. I have to get used to this, but them passing is just way way too hard on me so I have to learn to deal with that issue far better than I know how to do right now.
I'm going to wait a couple of months to adopt again, but I'll try your idea and may God himself bless all you do and thank you for me meeting someone with a brilliant, caring, wonderful heart, full of love and compassion for others.
thank you ever so much. dennis

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LuckySpirit14 In reply to arteater1 [2016-08-27 00:09:16 +0000 UTC]

I can't believe you wrote this, it made me cry.
I am just glad that your ok(I know not totally because of what happened) but that at least "ok"... You seem like a genuinely awesome human being.... which is hard to find anymore, God Bless you...
When i saw your post I had to let you know(I have trouble talking about it but) i understand. Its hard to explain to people who have no idea the comfort and beautiful love of animals, I truly believe that they are gifts from God and people should endeavor to follow their example. They love and live and appreciate what and who they have, God Bless them.  People don't get it unless they have experienced it and haven't shut themselves off to love.

And Yes they are in Heaven

I am just glad that it was helpful to you...
When I went through it I didn't have anyone to talk to it about at the time, so it was hard to "work it out" in my head. I just "know that pain" and wouldn't want anyone else to suffer in anyway...


Well thats an awesome gift!
My theory?
They(animals) are innocent and haven't been tainted with "ideas" of what or how things are or should be yet and understand love and see it in you and others and so they are like "yay love!"
How simple, huh??... "yay love!"
Deep down every single one of us on this planet wants this...
We get this instruction from day one that  you become an adult and you behave this way and do this and that and it makes you something, it equals self worth ect.
 

Yes, exactly.....
I  see people running around idolizing  people like "celebrities, actors, athletes ect"
They are making unkind people wealthy and setting the example to your children that its ok... these people abuse, lie and manipulate....


I understand, you got a plate full with 3 others.
I felt the same after the first time. You will work it out and handle it better in future.
Its because you care. It will be ok.

Again sorry that it took so long to get a chance to respond.

No need to thank, 
~Lucky

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arteater1 In reply to LuckySpirit14 [2016-08-28 21:58:25 +0000 UTC]

Firstly: I thank you for the wish for good blessings because I can use them. I've had such a hard life fighting to stay alive and then to work hard and support everything as we all try to do. thanks.
I'm not doing well at all, but I am hanging on. I feel worse today than I did yesterday as all this is sinking in. I'll try to lose myself in work and bury myself in physical effort to take my mind off things is all I can do besides praying. Praying sometimes doesn't do much it seems to me, but I keep trying anyhow and try to believe all I can.

I feel exactly like you do about animals and you said it perfectly, but I do think people HAVE shut themselves off from most feelings and love is only one of them. They of course cultivate anger and rage and hostility so well and that all works perfectly. I do get it to some degree why this happens because if we try to deal with every injustice and unfairness in this world we'd all walk around upset and depressed because there's simply no end to it anymore. We could all spend all our time trying to right the wrongs of this world that seems to me to be in the worst shape I've ever seen it in from a peoples standpoint. People don't even WANT to know what's going on anymore because they haven't the capacity to react to it much less do anything about it. So instead they spend all their waking moments just trying to entertain themselves or distract themselves so they don't have to deal with anything. I wonder if you see this like I do.

You have been very helpful just knowing there are still good people out here and some that really do have the capacity to love and care.

That simple..."love is good" and showing it is pretty a easy concept of yours that works for me too. Show me some kindness and I'll give you love back even if your not such a good human being in others ways is what animals do. The truth is that most people that have animals don't really take such good care of them and leave some food in the morning and pet them while leaving for 12 hours a day only to say "hello boy" at night with a few quick pets and gone once more. Even at that most animals still love them so it's a giant lesson for all of us I think.

I couldn't agree more about the examples we give our children of idolizing murders, crooks, drunks and drug-heads as well as liars. When kids see that their own parents aren't something to look up to, then this is what we get. They go seek out someone even if they have to make it up in their mind how these people act. I think this is how it happens.

No my dear...I have no plate full with three others. It's a pleasure to have to care for them and make them feel so special. If I knew I was okay for the future I'd go get two more if I knew I wasn't going to have to move or lose my house. I hope they all stay healthy so I don't have to spend countless amounts of money at the thieving vets trying to help them is all. You know I took a complete stray I didn't know that was starving to death from an infection to the vets and they charged me $550.00 just to pull a tiny, tiny small tooth that was infected!! My regular vet (VCA) wanted $650.00 for the same thing because they're all run by corrupt money grubbing corporations today. I hate the way this country has become and we're desperately trying to spread this greedy backwards way of life all around he world in other countries. That was part of the reason we went to war in the first place several times.
We say it's for freedom when it isn't at all as it's all about business. Even here in the U.S. we can't ever get to vote for someone good but only who they LET run for the democratic and republican parties. We have two clowns to vote for again!!!! Hillary is not any solution at all and is exactly part of the problem for the lat 30 years so why would anyone vote for that liar??
Trump is no president and is an egomaniac that has no skills to get people to work together and go forward and carries a grudge forever. How hard is it to be rich when your dad left you MILLIONS of dollars????

Okay...enough said huh. I wish you nothing but goodness and health with a joyous spirit. Stay well. denn

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