HOME | DD

Description
Weekly Horoscope

Aries:
The week will fly by. Whic his good because most for most of it you will be trapped in a revolving door at an office buidling. You'll scream for help but people will just point and laugh. Avoid repairmen who are Leo's because they just plan to make it spin faster.

Leo:
If your a repairman then you'll make some poor Aries life a living hell. But you've got a good excuse because a mummy just rented out your spare room and keeps putting curses on you so everytime you lose your keys you turn into the hamburgular... Robble Robble!

Sagittarius:
Apart from having a difficult sign to spell. Your doing pretty well. Most people like you and you've got a good job. unfortunatly tomorrow you will get attacked by ninjas because last week you made a face while eating grapefruit and some guy took it as an a offence against his great grandfather who fought in the Crimean war. You lucky numbers are 2, 4, and the letter L.

Taurus:
You are a wonderful person and everyone loves you. Women can't stand to be away from you and if your a women then simply take the "Wo" from that one word.  You will be heading to work tomorrow and a group of skeletons will jump out and ask you if you wanna jam with them. Being a taurus you naturally say yes and you will have a great time.  Where your lucky socks for two weeks.

Virgo:
You'll make a deal with the devil in order to make it to your nephews bar mitzvah on time by flying there in a birchbark canoe. Once there you get really drunk and fly back. A friend of yours meets you when you get back and you'll go to pick up chicks. Your friend falls out and you will fly away and dump the canoe in the river. Next week be sure to deny everything.

Capricorn:
This week you will meet a 6 ton rhino named Desmond. You will also read some books by Douglas adams. On saturday your lamp will be possessed by Stalin and you'll have to keep him concealed from your family. Hilarity will ensue!

Gemini:
Never underestimate your ability to curl your tounge. On Sunday a millionaire will need some cheering up and you'll be there to help. He'll be so happy that he will give you a million dollars and your own Hummer.  You'll crash it into a convention for models. Unfortunatly its a convetion for model airplanes and you get chased out. Be sure to tip your paperboy tomorrow as he will be a samurai in disguise.

Libra:
You will write a song that is along to lines of "Rasputin" by Boney M. But it will be about Mau Tse tung.  No one will like and it and you'll have to revert back to your old life of getting paid to jump out of bushes in order to scare the hiccups out of people.

Aqarius:
The ghost of lincoln will appear in front of you tomorrow and expect  that you throw down. Be ready and watch him. Just because he's dead doens't make him any less wily. You lucky number is... Come on you don't have one. You get attacked by Lincoln for gods sake.

Cancer:
You will watch a friend get beaten up by lincoln. After this you get caught up in a street race. Unforunatly your car is in the shop and you end up racing with a souped up Zamboni. Things go well until you try to take a turn doing 70mph and crash into a bus shelter storage facility. Try to look surprised.

Scorpio:
Tomorrow you will be killed by a pack of rampaged trees. But before that you will crash a plane into a Voodoo priests hut and he will curse you. You won't know what it was for until tomorrow. The look of dawning realization on your face will be priceless.

Pisces:
You will end up getting the contract to fix up the UN building. You cut corners and save enough money to buy yourself a new house. The UN building will collapse and when they try to blame you your excuse will be that you recently fired a wizard from your staff and he cursed your next project to failure. The government figures that since no one would think such a story would fool anyone that it must be true. Try to avoid muttering "suckers" as you walk away. That never goes over well.

Thats it for this week. Join us again when we do Chinese horoscpes.

Description
Weekly Horoscope

Aries:
The week will fly by. Whic his good because most for most of it you will be trapped in a revolving door at an office buidling. You'll scream for help but people will just point and laugh. Avoid repairmen who are Leo's because they just plan to make it spin faster.

Leo:
If your a repairman then you'll make some poor Aries life a living hell. But you've got a good excuse because a mummy just rented out your spare room and keeps putting curses on you so everytime you lose your keys you turn into the hamburgular... Robble Robble!

Sagittarius:
Apart from having a difficult sign to spell. Your doing pretty well. Most people like you and you've got a good job. unfortunatly tomorrow you will get attacked by ninjas because last week you made a face while eating grapefruit and some guy took it as an a offence against his great grandfather who fought in the Crimean war. You lucky numbers are 2, 4, and the letter L.

Taurus:
You are a wonderful person and everyone loves you. Women can't stand to be away from you and if your a women then simply take the "Wo" from that one word.  You will be heading to work tomorrow and a group of skeletons will jump out and ask you if you wanna jam with them. Being a taurus you naturally say yes and you will have a great time.  Where your lucky socks for two weeks.

Virgo:
You'll make a deal with the devil in order to make it to your nephews bar mitzvah on time by flying there in a birchbark canoe. Once there you get really drunk and fly back. A friend of yours meets you when you get back and you'll go to pick up chicks. Your friend falls out and you will fly away and dump the canoe in the river. Next week be sure to deny everything.

Capricorn:
This week you will meet a 6 ton rhino named Desmond. You will also read some books by Douglas adams. On saturday your lamp will be possessed by Stalin and you'll have to keep him concealed from your family. Hilarity will ensue!

Gemini:
Never underestimate your ability to curl your tounge. On Sunday a millionaire will need some cheering up and you'll be there to help. He'll be so happy that he will give you a million dollars and your own Hummer.  You'll crash it into a convention for models. Unfortunatly its a convetion for model airplanes and you get chased out. Be sure to tip your paperboy tomorrow as he will be a samurai in disguise.

Libra:
You will write a song that is along to lines of "Rasputin" by Boney M. But it will be about Mau Tse tung.  No one will like and it and you'll have to revert back to your old life of getting paid to jump out of bushes in order to scare the hiccups out of people.

Aqarius:
The ghost of lincoln will appear in front of you tomorrow and expect  that you throw down. Be ready and watch him. Just because he's dead doens't make him any less wily. You lucky number is... Come on you don't have one. You get attacked by Lincoln for gods sake.

Cancer:
You will watch a friend get beaten up by lincoln. After this you get caught up in a street race. Unforunatly your car is in the shop and you end up racing with a souped up Zamboni. Things go well until you try to take a turn doing 70mph and crash into a bus shelter storage facility. Try to look surprised.

Scorpio:
Tomorrow you will be killed by a pack of rampaged trees. But before that you will crash a plane into a Voodoo priests hut and he will curse you. You won't know what it was for until tomorrow. The look of dawning realization on your face will be priceless.

Pisces:
You will end up getting the contract to fix up the UN building. You cut corners and save enough money to buy yourself a new house. The UN building will collapse and when they try to blame you your excuse will be that you recently fired a wizard from your staff and he cursed your next project to failure. The government figures that since no one would think such a story would fool anyone that it must be true. Try to avoid muttering "suckers" as you walk away. That never goes over well.

Thats it for this week. Join us again when we do Chinese horoscpes.