littlemissstrangelet In reply to And-all-that-jazz-x [2009-06-22 21:47:17 +0000 UTC]

yw

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-06-17 15:21:49 +0000 UTC]

oh, okay. that's cool though. whatever works!

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-06-11 04:09:52 +0000 UTC]

hey, i have been thinking about it.. tell me more of this idaho adventure i can take. so one bedrooms are around 350 you said? i know there are jobs out there, do you think they have any openings where you work? i want to make good money so i can save like mad. i also want to start school, maybe in boise after I get a new I.D. made so I can be called a state resident, haha. i thought about moving to tampa but if i really just want to get to another state anyway, why should I waste money and time for a month when I could be well on my way to a new life? i am sad though because my ' best friend ' is guilt tripping me about it, she needs money too I know, but her family has always been more fortunate than mine and it isn't my problem really. I need to do what is best for ME this time. I am tired of putting everyone else first. I just wish she could understand. I was really nice about it. No one seems to care about my feelings or what I want, only what is good for themselves. i know you are off thur- sun. if you dont respond soon i will call you, or call me if you have the time! i would have 2000 to start i think, more like 1700 after food/gas. i dont know how long i would need a couch to sleep on. i would try to be out on my own as soon as I could though! lol

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-06-10 06:18:52 +0000 UTC]

hmm, keep a heads up. he may or may not show. i will let you know thursday what the plans are. there may be a chance he can go to san francisco as well.

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-28 13:06:13 +0000 UTC]

omg, trista i am so sorry. i really hope he does okay. how old is he? my dad was 73. did the doctor ever diagnose him with anything? I am coming girl, I really mean it. I am moving out of here August 1rst with my mom and Bob, we are stopping to help her in Pensacola to get settled a bit, then by the 3rd we are on the road. We're making a few stops along the way to see a few friends and relatives but we have talked about it a lot and Bob thinks too we should go to Idaho. Just last night he was saying let's leave now, but we only have a for sure 1,000/1500 to go on right now, unless since my mother got some money from the church and all and she feels like donating to us a little bit in order to get an apartment set up. whatever it takes, I know we will be okay, I am not worried or anything. I just have to wait one more month when May is over, which it almost is, but I promise we are coming to see you. just stay with him, talk to him, fill him up with good thoughts and idea's. if it is his time, just make sure he knows you love him, and make sure he knows it's okay to rest. that is what I told my dad.

let me know what happens
<333

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TJamTriforce In reply to littlemissstrangelet [2009-05-28 14:55:47 +0000 UTC]

my dad is only 57.....but they think he has CPOD and diabetes. CPOD is a death sentence. i'm not too sure and neither are they because they are still running tests. i am going back to the hospital this morning and they are going to try to wake him up because right now they have him knocked out and on an oxygen support. anyways, my dad has been really depressed for a few years now and he has been letting himself die. he wouldn't let any of us take him to the doctor earlier, but yesterday he was so bad, my mom told him she doesnt care what he says and called an ambulance. i guess he stopped breathing on the ride to the hospital. i hope he will really be alright. its so weird seeing him like this. i remember a few years back he used to be so happy and full of life. well i hope you and your mom and bob are doing well. don't worry, you'll get your situation settled thruout time. well i'm gonna go have some coffee and wake up more before my mom comes and picks me and rob up. i love you twin and i really appreciate you listening and supporting me. ttyl

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-28 16:56:36 +0000 UTC]

oh wow, that really sucks.. was he a smoker? my dad was on oxygen too that day. i hope he gets better too. my dad was depressed as well, but he was always poor and stuff, and never could afford to get anything he really wanted and probably felt trapped and he was old anyway and sick though he never knew why and then he got worse and worse.. my mom had to do the same thing. she set up the tests and doctors appointments and drove him everywhere, and made him go to the hospital. when the doc. said he had a tumor he wanted to go home first and relax till monday. he was YELLOW... he would have been dead by then. I don't remember when my dad first started to turn, but they told him he had pluracy? something like that. a thing with the lungs as well, and it hurt when he breathed... then it stopped and went to the other side, that was the cancer. he thought he hurt all over because he fell in the bathroom twice.. one time he hit his forehead on the toilet seat. right now we are cleaning through his office and old things, having to go through it and keep it, throw it or give it away. and Bob now is pissing me off again, I know he is sensitive to things, but he has to fucking be a man sometimes, and now he wants to quit and not work at all and move too soon when we do not have enough money. he wants to jump the gun like always, not finish helping my mother, not finish saving, and go. he was supposedly ' stressed out ' and needed to unwind.. well, he had a 4 day weekend and last night he decided to take a 7 hour bike ride somewhere like he has before when he had too much on his mind before he went to the mental hospital and didn't come back till 7 AM and then he was whining he felt sick and could not go to work and needed to rest. WTF. Then he started to literally CRY. I told him to be a man. I KEEP telling him ONE MORE MONTH. So he left the house today crying because he had to work. yeah. great. like.. my dad is dead, he was MY dad, I am the one going through his belongings and having to toss them out. He took a whole YEAR off and I worked my ass off when he was in the hospital that time. So what the hell is the problem? arffffhaskjSHajkha!!! blah

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TJamTriforce In reply to littlemissstrangelet [2009-05-31 02:27:50 +0000 UTC]

yeah he is a heavy smoker and drinker. about a month ago, his legs fell asleep while he was going to the bathroom and he fell when he stood up and fell into the shower door. i feel like i'm in hell right now. i want to help him so much and i HATE seeing him like this. it's not fair. i always pictured him being in my life for atleast another 20 to 30 years. i wanted to see him go to my wedding and see my kids when that happens. there's still hope, but right now he's not doing so well. he woke up the other day and held and sqoze my hand. i told him he looked alot better than he did but he still looked like shit, and he smiled. he's like a helpless little baby. I HATE IT !!!! i want him to get better already and i want to hug him and talk to him and hold him, but i can't !!! most of the time he's sleeping because they drug him up so much. when he does open his eyes the other times, he doesn't communicate. he just seems out of it all the time. i am trying to stay strong, but its really hard to keep myself from breaking down. i don't have a lot of people i care about in my life. i have my dad, mom, brother, sister, and rob. i have other sisters, but they don't have my respect or love. i have no friends and family that i'm close to. nothing. my mom and brother are staying strong, but i can tell they are hurting just as bad. rob feels like shit because my dad is the closest thing he's ever had to a REAL dad. rob was sitting in the corner of my dad's room cause he doesn't know how to react. i was holding my dad's hand and he woke up and did a "come here" motion with his finger. he was looking at rob. it was so sweet, but it made me feel so sad at the same time. my dad has never liked any of my boyfriends, but he's always loved rob. when i first started dating rob, my dad told me to never leave him. rob and my dad are so much alike in personality, its crazy ! i dunno.......i've just never felt this bad before. it's horrible. i have this constant feeling of panic and restlessness. my muscles ache, my body is drained, but i can't sleep or eat very much. i'm sorry i'm complaining to you. i know your going thru the same thing and you probably don't want to hear it. i'm going to go try to keep myself distracting. i guess i will talk to you later

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-31 04:01:00 +0000 UTC]

i am really sad now too, but I am also sorry to hear all of this. my dad fell twice as well, the one time he hit his forehead on the toilet seat, and the other in the bathtub onto his back side. near the end the bruise from the fall and the bed sore in the same spot from sitting in the chair so long since it hurt to lay down, my mother said they were basically like an open wound and it was hard to heal, he was diabetic. they had to give him special ointment and wipes. he was doped up too, on morphine. he did not feel any pain but also in the last few day or so he was not very much all there. he couldn't process certain words or thoughts, but he still tried to communicate. the last day he was alive i came to see him he looked so bad, i went to his bed and said hello then immediately turned my head and burst into tears. I knew it was over before the doctor even said anything to me. it was only a matter of a few hours after that and he was gone. i do not have any family either. i think that i have less than you. i had my dad, my mom, two aunts and one uncle, i rarely see any of them. then one uncle from my dads side, and one cousin who i speak to. i really am alone. i have no siblings, all i have now is my mom and bob. and now bob is starting to freak me out and I do not know what to do. it's making me stressed and upset again and I cannot handle a relapse of that mental hospital BS. He is distance and lost in thought all the time, he never hears my questions and asks me to repeat myself, he makes connections in things like tv commercials and computers, and road signs to everyday life and no one would ever care to think about if they were a normal person. i really think my dads death effected him more so than me in a way, and now he quit his job early, he wants to move right now short on cash, he sits or stands around and stares at things, can't handle me watching something on tv like harry potter, or legend of the seeker. anything fantasy freaks him out. he is nothing like me at all. he is too analytical. i can't have him ruin my life again. if he does this, I am going to have to leave him behind and go with my mom. i really want to go to idaho, that is our plan. but if he decides to be selfish, and make this about himself, i will have to leave him here and move on with my life. i wonder what i could do if I only have 1200? i have a car, but I would be coming alone in that case, and I do not know if I can survive off of that for even a month. i would most likely get a job and work, then decide what to do. i hate this fucking shit. i just want to have a normal, happy, peaceful life. we also have a lot of cats. we have to give some away, and today we did, just one. my dads. he is the first one to go to a new home, but I feel weird about that too. my dads cat, he loved that cat. that cat was spoiled and messed up the house, but it's like another part of him, of our family, gone...i'm actually crying as I write this. I am sad for you and I am sad for me. I told Bob to leave and clear his head, he wanted me to go for a ride with him but I refused. I hate going places with him when he is like this, being in the same room with him just makes ME feel restless and panicky. i do not know what to do except stay close to my mom right now. i hurt all over as well. under my boobs, my ribs, they feel like they are sore. and my back, and lower front side. sometimes I wonder if I am sick and want to go to the doctor, but I have no money nor insurance. i wish we could be there for each other right now. maybe i should just say fuck it, and fly there. bob wanted to fly somewhere. but what would I do with my car? sigh.

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-17 16:21:16 +0000 UTC]

hmm, I am doing so so.. guess by august my mom plans to go live with my uncle/ her brother in pensacola but he did not like my dad and already made it clear that I am not welcome there.. he straight up said he does not like me and to not plan on getting any/money help from what my dad left to us as beneficiaries when stuff from the methodist church ( he was a preacher ) comes in. he must think i am a loser, he doesn't know how much help/money i have given to my parents in the past. some, ex navy guy, conservative christian, republican. yeah. whatever, but anyway, I do not know where yet.. but we are going to move now for sure. lol. i just hope we have enough cash saved by them to do it. bob thinks the west coast is a good idea too, so hopefully we will find our way in that direction. still think I can get a job where you work, or the newspaper?

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TJamTriforce In reply to littlemissstrangelet [2009-05-18 01:33:23 +0000 UTC]

you can always apply and put my name down as a reference, but i am not high up enough with management to grant any special favors, unfortunately. even so, there are all types of telemarketing jobs here that are always hiring and will make yew decent money. Center Partners....Malalueca........Quest to name a few. you can even apply at the hospital. i've been offered jobs there and they train yew in some departments.....but honestly, hospitals make me qweesy, heh heh. i've even been offered a job at Autozone, and i know nothing about cars- LMAO !!! its funny, but i've always wanted to learn how to be a car mechanic. i think it would just be weird to be the only female...i dunno :0 anyways, i wouldn't suggest the newspaper...atleast in the department i worked at. yeah, you could probably get a job there, but its only part time and i was bringing home $200 paychecks every two weeks. i could barely pay my car bill with that :0 well i better go. let me know whats up, k ? ttyl

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-18 02:36:31 +0000 UTC]

oh I see, well yeah that is okay. I was just curious. uggggh, telemarketing, I am so tired of call centers, hahaha. I was hoping I would never have to work at one again. I really only want to work part time anyway, and go to school some. but yeah, the newspaper sounds a litttttle too part time, hahaha. hmm, the hospital? my mom use to work at one. she was in the cooking area. I don't think I would mind that.. I watched the people at the hospital for a week or so when my dad was there and they all seemed pretty happy. lol. i could maybe bring food trays to people? LOL a mechanic? ewww. bob could teach that LOL ... he said he wants to get a POS car anyway, and he can show you how to do it, hehehe.

but uh, yeah, I dunno. I am going to stay with my mom for however long it takes her to decide what she wants to do. who knows, maybe I can make her go to Idaho with me!!

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-05-04 23:46:34 +0000 UTC]

bah

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-04-25 00:31:46 +0000 UTC]

I miss you toooooo

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littlemissstrangelet In reply to TJamTriforce [2009-04-13 12:40:03 +0000 UTC]

oooh wow that is sooo cool, I always thought of dying my white cat pink or something too, hahah.. well, no, they are nice really. marzipan sits down and stretches out and yawns, making sure to get cozy when she see's my hand, because then she lets me pet her all the way down her back and she purrs like a kitten ahhaha

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